Current Happenings

Sunday, September 28, 2008

September 28, 2008

After today, there will be just one more day to poke through before I log my weight in again. I've been relieved to see that I am not stuck at the same number on the scale. I have been a little concerned that this was going to be a very slow and painful month for slimming down. When I look at my overall accomplishment though, I feel better. I began living a more healthful lifestyle on May 20th. So, over the past 4.5 months I have managed to lose 33.5 lbs. from my body. That averages out to just over 7 lbs. per month. Where would I be at if I had gained 7 pounds each month instead? The thought produces a bit of nausea.

If I average another 7 lbs. per month, for the next few months, the results could be amazing. I could be well in the 100's by Christmas.

I've reached a point in time where I am trying very hard not to press myself for a certain weight loss. Seven pounds sounds wonderful, but I need to be happy with the idea of simply not gaining weight, and being exceedingly happy over every pound ( or ounce!) that I lose.

Friday, September 26, 2008

september 26, 2008

I am happy that I'm doing so well lately. The evening before last, I asked DH if he could carry my recumbent bike up from the basement. I tried to help, but he found it easier to emulate He-Man. lol I just love my husband.

I've had a few days of good, clean eating, and now I am trying to get more exercise in. I haven't been making it to the gym, primarily because there have just been other things that need to get done. Yesterday, however, I got my exercise in anyway. I decided that if I was going to watch my shows, I was going to pedal while sitting in front of the t.v. . It has been just what I've needed!

One thing that has made the days easier has been cooking larger, healthier dinners. If I have lots of yummy healthy food, I eat better. That's not rocket science. Plus, if I have healthy leftovers in the fridge, we don't get fast food on the days when we are really busy or really tired. The microwave does all of the work, and we save money. All I have to do is remember to cook larger meals. I got into such a habit of only cooking just what we needed for one meal (because I was bad with leftovers), I didn't stop to think of how handy it was to have leftovers. Of course, this does mean that I have to be diligent about actually serving the food, and not letting anything turn into a science experiment. Things have been going very well on that front though.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

No Scale For Me!

I would normally step on the scale today, to see how I am doing with my weight loss endeavor. However, I was very surprised to by my T.O.M. a couple of days ago. To the best of my calculations, I shouldn't have had to worry about that until the very end of September or the 1st of October. I don't think that I've ever been early. Ever. So, this feels very strange for me.

In a way, maybe this is a wee blessing for me, or at least I'm choosing to talk myself into thinking that. *laughs* My eating has been awful for the past couple of days. I have been feeling insatiable. I am perpetually tired these days, and now I want to gnaw my own limbs off in order to get "full". So, at least I have a few more days before all of this T.O.M. nonsense is over, and I will have a handle on my eating before then.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

September 18, 2008

I have been doing very well for the past couple of days. I am happy to say that the little weight that I gained from eating that fast food, it's gone. I've even lost 1/2 lb. over that, primarily from eating more vegetables during my day. Yesterday, I had cauliflower as a part of breakfast, and cooked broccoli with my lunch. Being full of vegetables makes it easier to not eat junk food just because I allowed myself to get too hungry.

That's not to say that I haven't had snacks! I love my snacks. I adjusted my food choices yesterday so I could have a Carribou Coffee bar with my lunch yesterday. I really like the mocha and the mint flavors. Later on in the evening, I even had a few vanilla wafers with my vanilla yogurt. I know that some people act as though all "junk" is off-limits while "dieting", but I can't live like that. Being in denial of my sweet tooth just means that I am more likely to go nuts and gain back a ton of weight because I really want a twinkie or something.

While I have my sweet snacks, I do try to limit the kinds of things that I snack on. If I eat any snack cakes, I'm in trouble. They make me feel sick, but then cause cravings like mad. I try to avoid them. Instead, I'll eat a little dry cereal, animal crackers, yogurt, or 60 calorie Hershey's sticks if I need a sweet.

If there is one tool that I am most happy to have, it is my food scale. My husband bought me a nice digital scale, and I use it every day. I weigh just about everything, so I am able to control my portions easily. The more often I get used to seeing how much a serving looks like, the easier it is to do without any tools. I don't go without my scale very often, but I certainly can't take it with me to a diner or to a family cookout.

I am really excited to see my new ticker move, even if it is just a little bit. By the time that I reach the end of that little bar, I will be so much closer to my "happy weight". I will still be classified as "overweight" by my BMI, but that is alright. Wherever I feel happy and start maintaining, that will be my "normal weight". I'm glad to be one little step closer to it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Oh Broccoli

I've come to the realization that I don't like raw broccoli. It doesn't even matter if I have that fat-free dip with it. Nope. It is torture to eat it. I can eat raw cauliflower all day long, but the raw broccoli gets to me. It's a texture thing.

I truly do like broccoli. It is one of our main vegetable staples. I guess that I just like it to be cooked, soft and moist. From now on, I'm not going to force myself to eat broccoli raw. After I was done "snacking" on it this afternoon, I was actually upset with myself for feeling obligated to keep moving my jaw up and down. It did help me feel full, and contributed plenty of fiber. Those are pluses. I'll work it out a different way from now on.

September 16, 2008

I'm doing pretty well today! I was a little disappointed to see the scale sitting at 219.5 lbs. , but it was something that I did myself. The fastest way to erase that small gain is to eat well and move my body.

I've eaten a balanced diet today, and I went for a walk with my daughter this afternoon. She was on her scooter, and I walked along behind her. It was nice to walk around, but it wasn't really enough exercise. The walk was very beautiful though. The weather is very nice, and the sun was just warm enough. I don't want to do upper-body exercises right now, just in case it aggravates the sore spot in my chest. If I am still tender tomorrow, I'll ask DH to take me to the doctor's office after he gets off of work. I just don't trust that my doctor would have a clue as to what is wrong. I haven't had much reason to be wonderfully enthused by his knowledge.

I think that I will do some floor exercises this evening, focusing primarily on my legs and abdomen. I can do that stuff while watching tv, if I want to. In the meantime, I'm going to go and start preparing a snack for later on this evening. I have strawberries that are just begging to be cut up.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Well, Duh.

Sometimes my own stupidity just overwhelms me. *laughs* Really, I ate fast food (and way too much of it) right before a weigh-in. That was not the smartest thing I've ever done. So, I am anticipating a gain tomorrow morning. I was doing so well for the day, and then I boogered myself up by not preparing for I-could-eat-my-arm-off hunger. We were away from home, and I got stuck with fast food choices, which I am normally pretty good with. However, I have been feeling a mite uncomfortable and stressed lately. That is not a good environment for making great choices. I had better just go to the doctor tomorrow and see what he thinks about this painful lump in my chest, and just get it over with.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Ill-fitting Clothes

Being soft has... made me soft. *laughs* I've come to realize that I don't like being uncomfortable, and some of these jeans make me feel that way. Dresses seem to be much more forgiving when it comes to losing weight and not looking slovenly. I still carry most of my weight through my hips and lower abdomen, so pants are hard to wear if they are not cut just right. Some of the jeans that I have simply curve to the waist at the wrong slope for my curvy hips, and have a rather high waist. This means that I am fine when I stand and walk, but that my pants try to bisect me when I sit. They just do not move well with me.

To help me through this odd time, I've invested in more hose. I hope that no one in my family thinks that I am trying to put on airs or thinks that my weight loss has gone to my head. I don't dress up as a way of thumbing my nose as their jeans and t-shirts. I just don't have clothes that fit well. I'd rather have someone look at me and smile at me for looking nice than to have any passing stranger giggle or sneer at me because my pants are falling off, or because I'm being squished into an unflattering blob by clothing.

Since my sister wants to go to the thrift store this evening, I am going to go with her. I am going to be looking for a nice blouse or two, a couple pretty scarves, and maybe a skirt suit or two. I never know what I'll see at the thrift store, so I may not come home with anything. I'll see how dire my need is, once I pull all of my summer clothing out of the closet. Things are pretty lean since I got rid of all the clothes that were in disrepair or were of a size I could not wear. (Who wants to keep BIG clothes to grow into? Not I.)

Pushing The Reset Button

Now that I've reached a 30 lb. loss, I am pushing the "reset" button on my goals. I think that starting back at "0" helps me to see each pound as incredibly important. I am hoping that it will stoke my excitement over losing weight to a hotter intensity. I have grown a little lukewarm over the past couple of weeks, with the addition of stress and the subtraction of exercise time.

One positive to resetting my ticker is that 20 lbs. seems easier to reach than a 50 lb. loss. I just think that I've already lost more than 20, so I believe that I can attain that kind of goal. Just looking at a '50' though, it intimidates and embarrasses me. What is worse? To me, it is worse to look at that number and know that for as large as it is, I'm not done when I get there. So, I'll treat my total amount of weight to lose like an elephant that I plan to eat. I'll work on it one step at a time.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

September 11, 2008

I am very happy to be saying today that I've lost 30 lbs. so far! Not only did I drink all of my water yesterday, but I also went to the gym and exercised for an hour. I didn't exercise hard, basically because it's been a couple of weeks since I've been to the gym. Life has just been so hectic! I also had just eaten a heavy dinner of pizza before exercising. So, I hopped on the bike and slowly pedaled until I felt well enough to move on to the treadmill. I walked on the treadmill for a while, until my stomach began feeling upset. I guess I didn't take it easy enough, but I did manage to work off about 240 calories during my time. It's not spectacular, but it was sufficient.

When I went grocery shopping, I convinced my husband to come along. Well, because he was with me, he felt the need to pick up some junk food. He admits that he probably went a little overboard, because I don't keep that stuff in the house. *sigh* So, there has been this package of Oreo cookies staring at me from the dining table. I was tempted to have one or two yesterday, until I looked at the nutritional information. Instead of indulging, I stopped by the store on my way home from the gym. While I was there, I bought some animal crackers in both original and chocolate. I also bought a bunch of 80 cal. yogurt cups that I really enjoy, along with cauliflower and broccoli. So, now I have sufficient snacks to help me avoid the cookies and cheesy-poof things that my husband bought.

Ok, so substituting foods only goes so far, but it really helps me. That doesn't mean that I can't have junk once in a while, but I take it slow. My current favorite is to eat 4 vanilla wafers with a cup of vanilla yogurt. By the time that I am done with it, I feel that I've had sufficient sweets, I don't need other cookies and stuff. I can still have junk food, if I want it badly enough. There are things that I make myself do, however, in order to have the junk. For instance, if I know that I will eat something with a higher amount of sugar or salt, I make myself drink a big cup of water first. My big cup holds 3 cups of water, so it slows me down, makes me feel fuller, and keeps me hydrated. After my snack, I'll nurse another big cup of water for as long as it takes me to drink it. I do make a lot of trips to the bathroom. *laughs*

Nine more pounds to go. I love being in the single digits. I said that when I reached that goal, I might just maintain there for a little while. I'm not sure if that will be such a great idea though. That means that I will be struggling to try and maintain right through Thanksgiving and Christmas. I could probably do that, but actively working to lose weight might make it easier to avoid the holiday 'treats'. I don't know. I'll have to work it out as I go. My Fitday program says that if I stay on this rate of loss, I will be under 200 lbs. by the beginning of December. That would be a nice present for myself.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

September 10, 2008

I am very happy to see the weight slowly coming off. I think that more anything though, I am happy to know that I haven't been gaining any weight since May 20th. In the past, my weight loss attempts have generally been rather short in time. For instance, when I started slimming down in 2006, I lost 30 lbs. in 2 months. I tend to sprint instead of slowing down and focusing on the marathon of life-long health.

I am glad to be so close to getting to this first goal, and being at the weight I had reached before I got pregnant with Ezzie. With only 9 1/2 lbs. left to go, it seems very attainable.

My clothes fit very differently these days. Everything is loose and comfortable, and doesn't cling to me in unflattering ways. I still haven't gotten used to the rough feel of the jeans, but I also haven't been wearing them much. Instead, I've been taking more care to put on hose and wear dresses. I don't look fancy or anything, but it is nice to look nice. I became resolved to take more care of my appearance, no matter my weight. So, for the past few weeks, I've made a point to put on a little lipstick and to fix up my hair a bit. I'm not sure that my husband really cares about that, but it makes me feel a little more put-together and prettier.

Hopefully I will reach my goal by some time next month. That would be a wonderful present to myself. Maybe I will buy myself a new dress at the end of October, something to flatter my ever-smaller figure. Our wedding anniversary is at the end of October, and it would be nice to have something flattering to wear out to dinner.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Brownies

I had very little to eat during the day, simply because I was so busy with teaching Pumpkin and then sitting down to correct her papers and get everything recorded on the computer. So, I think that maybe my stomach wasn't quite willing to handle what I ate at a family birthday party.

Now, I didn't eat anything particularly bad or anything. I had just a few tortilla chips with salsa, maybe 5 or so. Then I made a steak fajita with green pepper, onion, and a small amount of cheese and sour cream. But, what got me was dessert. DH's aunt brought some yummy looking brownies, and I figured that I would have one. Well, that brownie is still kicking me. It was very rich, and it made a mess of my guts real fast. Though I was worried about it's effect, I did begin drinking my water again once I got home, because I feared that I might become dehydrated. It's a quarter after eleven, and I am thankful that my insides are feeling better, and not feeling so much like they want to be my outsides.

Well, that should teach me a good lesson about being careful with those kinds of foods after eating pretty clean for a while. There is nothing appealing about a beautiful and yummy brownie that makes me awfully sick feeling. I'll just have to stick to my animal crackers for a while. They are just mildly sweet, and I don't feel like my head will pop off because I eat them.

The Pants Drawer

I went poking through my pants drawer today, to see if anything will fit. I have a pair of jeans that I've been wearing, but they are starting to really sag in some funky places right now. I can still keep them on, but that won't last too much longer.

It looks that right now, I have two pair of jeans from my drawer that I can wear. Neither one of them are particularly comfortable, but it isn't because they don't fit. I think that I have gotten so used to wearing dresses and low-rise dress slacks that these old jeans just don't fit in a comfortable way. With cooler weather coming, I almost wonder if I wouldn't be better off buying a couple pair of soft yoga-style pants with an adjustable waist. It is just so awkward to be in different clothes than I am used to. I like soft things these days, and the denim just isn't soft. I have a softer pair of denim jeans, but they are smaller. I can't wear those yet. I need to figure something out though, because I have limited time with my droopy jeans... and my favorite slacks are about to fall right off. They have those little slide closures with a couple of little buttons on the inside of the band. If I'm not careful to keep them at least a little snug, the closures come undone. Who wants to walk around with their pants coming undone in public? Plus, as they sag more, I am tripping on the bottoms of my pants. Maybe I will check the clearance items at DOTS to try and find another pair of slacks at a decent price. I just hate to spend money on pants that I won't wear for long. It makes me wish that it were easier to find comfortable slacks in my size at the thrift store. I should probably make a more focused effort to look for some.

Yay for 10 Pounds!

I was a little surprised this morning when the scale said 219, which means that I am only 10 lbs. away from my first goal. I guess that means that I am also 20 lbs. from my most important goal thus far- being under 200.

A few days ago, I adjusted my goals on Fitday. Quite frankly, I wanted to remove the stress from losing weight. For so long now, I have given myself difficult goals to reach within 3-4 month time frames. It was just too stressful to always feel as though I was failing if I wasn't losing 2-3 pounds per week, and I'm just tired of that feeling. So, I set a much more palatable goal. I am now looking to reach 190 lbs. by my birthday next year. That would be a total of 58 pounds to lose, starting with my high weight. That would mean that I am exactly halfway there, and I still have another 8 months or so to get there. I am sure that that will be more than enough time to reach that weight, and probably go lower. Still, the expectation isn't there to push lower.

Once I reach 190, I will have about 40 more pounds to lose to reach my ideal weight. I'm not sure if I feel it necessary to get down to 150 lbs. though. I think that I may be just as happy between 160-170. That would still technically put me in an "overweight" category, but I don't really care. I am not expecting my body to be what it was before having 3 children. I will be happy enough wearing size 12 or 14 jeans. It doesn't look bad at my height and proportions, especially since I tend to be so much smaller at the waist than my hips. I guess that some people would say that I have a well defined hourglass shape. Since my husband weighs in at between 150-160 on any given day, and he doesn't have his own breasts to carry around, I think that my acceptable weight range is pretty good. If I desire to lose any more weight, it will just be a happy bonus.

I am so glad to be nearing the 30 lb. mark. I had lost that much weight before, but it was a painful and dramatic change. Sure, it was wonderful to be lighter, but I did a lot of fasting to get there. I had hours of discomfort every day. I lost the majority of my weight in one month, and then switched my focus to exercise during a second month. So, while I know that I could probably starve off 15 lbs. in a month, it holds absolutely no appeal for me. I've been overweight for the past 9 years, ever since I started having children. It's not going to do me any harm to take things slow and enjoy a peaceful weight loss right now. I don't want to be at war with my body, all because I've been embarrassed about how I look.

Ah... 10 pounds seems so small now, not that it is. It just looks a lot smaller than 39. Soon, the number of pounds I have left until my first goal will be in single digits, and I am sure that that will help them to move more quickly off of my body. It is easier to make better choices when I feel excited and motivated. Being in single digits is very motivating. From there, I will work to knock off small groups of pounds, so I don't feel overwhelmed. All in all, I am looking to lose a total of about 88 lbs., and that can feel very intimidating when staring at a large number.