Current Happenings

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Long Haul

The longer I do this, the more I am realizing that this is for the long-term. I don't know that I've every really succeeded in controlling my diet for more than 3-4 months at a time. I would starve myself and exercise like a fiend, and then fall off the wagon when big stress hit. Of course, then I would gain all of the weight back because stress equaled an excuse to eat 4 slices of pizza at dinner, instead of 2 slices and a light salad.

I've been carefully budgeting out my food since May 20th, and that means that I am up to 6 months of healthy eating and good exercise. I haven't starved myself at all, and I haven't exercised like a fiend. Instead, I've exercised to be strong. I've respected my body and done what was good for me, not punishing myself for eating any type/quantity of food. That is so refreshing.

I am enjoying this time to slowly become acquainted with this improved body of mine. It is nice to feel a sense of stability in this journey, instead of feeling flung around like a yo-yo.

These are just some thoughts that came to me today when I stepped on the scale and it read the same number again. There have been times when a few days at the same number would have had me really frustrated and disappointed. I felt that if I wasn't losing, then I wasn't "winning". I wasn't moving toward my goal. I guess what is different now is that my goal isn't so much a number on the scale as it is a healthy lifestyle. When I do what is good for me, and *that* makes me feel happier. Being happy is a wonderful thing, whether I am a single-digit pants size or not. There have been times this week when I've thought that I could be very happy at the size that I am now, and that is a little shocking, in a good way. Because I know that I am living well, I am growing a greater amount of respect for myself. Because I respect myself, I'm not so critical of bumps and bulges that I might have on my body. I'm more content in my own skin. That makes losing weight all the easier, because my main focus isn't on the numbers, but on being happy and healthy. It is just a wonderful benefit that with prolonged focus on living healthy, my weight comes down also.

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