Current Happenings

Thursday, January 15, 2009

done for the night

Sorry, my teammates. I know what I'm supposed to do for myself, but I'm just done tonight. My sister called to tell me that our mom stole medication from her bathroom and overdosed herself on my sister's medicine tonight. She's in the I.C.U. right now.

I know that I'm not even close to what I was trying to eat today, but I can't stomach a thing now. I can't say that I'm sad right now, though I'm worried. My uncle killed himself seven years ago. I know what all of this is, and how it destroys families. My mom knows that too, and promised all of us children that she'd never do something like that to us. I am so overcome with my feelings of betrayal and anger. I feel grief, but it is being overwhelmed by absolute and blinding anger. No. Rage. I feel like I could tear the world apart with my bare hands right now.

I don't know what else to do with myself, so I'm going to exercise. If I don't burn this off, I'm going to just make myself sick. I'm already shaking, and need somewhere to put it all.

6 comments:

♥ Dee ♥ said...

I hear ya. My mom committed suicide ten years ago. I loved her in life. I hate her in death.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I understand that she was mentally ill. All the understanding and logic in the world doesn't change how I feel.

You do what you need to do for you. Control what you can control, and throw the rest to a higher power.

Jess' s Food Coma said...

I'm sorry, take care of yourself.

Graciela said...

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your mom. Sad and frightening. Be sure to take care of yourself.

betseydoodle said...

absolutely take care of yourself...

Fatinah said...

I am so very sorry.

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

I'm so sorry about your mom :( Please take care of yourself