Current Happenings

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Ooo... I'm grumpy today! I know that I shouldn't be, but I am. I have worked hard this week and done everything "right", and yet the scale still doesn't move. It's not really a bit deal, truthfully. Still, I want to act like a child for a moment and just stomp my feet and yell for a minute.

Edit ( 3:30 p.m.):

Let me just say that I was more than a little grumpy. I was flat-out pissed off. There are just those days, you know? Whether it was logical or not, I was angry and perfectly ready to lash out. The worst part is that I lash out at myself, and I hurt me in such awful ways. I sat in my chair, and I was thinking about the food in the kitchen. I suddenly wanted all of the different kinds of foods that I haven't been eating, because they won't help me meet my goal. I'm not even a very restrictive eater! There is no reason to want to binge, because I don't truly have a "no" list. I don't think that was the point though. It just felt like I needed to indulge because I wasn't getting anywhere anyway. It was all 100% emotional, completely over a cliff and far from logical. This is the little voice that gets me into so much trouble.

As I was being mentally lured with junk, a more powerful voice piped up. It said, "Hey, be angry all you want. Take that anger and drive it into the ground." So, I changed clothes, put on my running shoes, and I decided to exercise instead. Yeah, I was still pissed off. I had a bad attitude with every stride, just steaming. Somewhere along the way though, it all burned off. By the time I was done running myself into the ground, I felt much better. My head was clearer. My legs are sore and my shoulders burn, but I feel GOOD.

Instead of feeling depressed and hopeless, I am feeling strong this afternoon. While I was huffing and puffing and working through the dreaded stitch in my side, I started to feel all of my muscles moving. Even though my calves and thighs were on fire, it felt delicious as though the burning was eating through the burning anger that been threatening to eat me up. I wobbled off the machine and went to do my standing rows, feeling the muscles in my back, arms, and shoulders all shake. I enjoyed that instead of punishing myself with food or starving myself, I was channeling the emotions into something that would help make me more like the strong woman that I see behind my eyelids.



Me, Only Better said...

Ah, I am feeling your frustrations - the same thing is going on here. I have decided that I will not weigh myself until Friday, my weigh in day, and what will be, will be. I can't do anything more than what I am doing - and neither can you!

Losing Myself said...

Seems to be a lot of this going around. Like a flu virus or something. My scales aren't budging either, except to go UP! This eating healthy is HARD! I want an 'easy button'!!!

Sarah said...

Oh, I have been here so many times. Thank you for being so honest. I am so happy for you that you put on the runners and got the frustration out through moving rather than grabbing a piece of chocolate or something. I hope it pays off for you next week. Go, go, go!