Current Happenings

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Great Ambition = Great Soreness

When I started my 5-day game plan, I had big plans for all of the exercise that I was going to get in, and all that jazz. Well, when I tried to get out of bed this morning, I realized that this was going to be harder than I had anticipated.

I didn't get my yoga in last night. That is partly bad planning, trying to get in sync with my sister. The other part was just a bit of fatigue after having used the erg for a half hour. Rowing on the erg isn't like pedaling on the bike for a few miles. So, I took a break to try and ease some of the tightness out of my shoulders, and never got to the yoga. I'm going to try and make up for that though. I'm going to try and toss it in with today's workout, and see if I can make it through.

On a more positive note, the scale was showing me love this morning. I'm down 1-1/2 lbs. since my weigh-in. I'm going to continue to work my bottom off, and hopefully I'll keep that loss or even improve the number. It's about time the weight started coming off just a tad more freely. I've been having to fight for every ounce for the past couple of months. I know that some of it is increased muscle mass. I can feel that all over my body. Maybe I've reached that threshold, where I'm now going to see the fat decrease at a better pace, while maintaining my muscle. I don't need to grow my muscle any bigger, but if I can maintain my strength and tone and let that kind of simmer on the back burner, it would be great to see the body fat start to melt off a tad more. I do specific muscle training when I've lost enough body fat that I can actually start seeing those muscles. It can be a little frustrating to know that I am strong, but to also know that most people only ever notice the jiggly parts. I forgive them though. Even I am distracted by my "bat wings". Man, I hope that those improve a lot.

Oh, and before I forget...


My exercise goal for February was to exercise 54% of the days for this month. Not only did I meet that goal, but I blew it away! This month, I performed good, hard sweat-inducing workouts 75% of February.

Friday, February 27, 2009

February 27

Morning
I'm a little hungry this morning! I did well with my dietary choices yesterday, and my exercise was great. Quite frankly, I got my butt kicked yesterday during my TBL workout. I didn't realize how bad my balance was until I was doing a workout with Kim Lyons and she wanted me to do exercises while balancing on one leg. Ha! That was just funny. I'm glad no one else was around to see me stumbling all over the living room. My balance is pretty good on my right leg, which is to be expected, being that my right is my dominant side. It was pretty pathetic, seeing me wobbling around on my left leg though. Awful. The workout was really good though.

I think that I am going to go ahead and get Bob's "Boot Camp" video. There was a 'boot camp' section on the BL#2 workout video that I really liked. I just wished there was more like that, instead of just a 15 minute routine.

After I get the kids settled down with their lunches, I'm going to hop on the erg and get half of my workout in. I think that I will probably be doing the yoga by myself yesterday. My sister was a naughty girl, doing static stretches with cold muscles. She won herself a pulled calf muscle, so I figure that she'll want to sit out on the yoga today. While I will miss her whomping me in the arm while we switch poses (small living room!!), it will be awfully nice to have my yoga mat. When we do yoga together, I give her the mat, and I make do with a 4 x 5 rug that we normally keep at the door. It's a mite uncomfortable, but it keeps me from sliding around on the wood floor. Maybe I'll buy my sister a yoga mat for her birthday, in May.

Today feels a little "off". I don't feel bad, but the overcast weather and rain is dragging everyone down a bit. I've turned on the lights, and hopefully that will help some. I bet that the exercise will help the most though. Since it is so warm out, I am thinking that should the rain stop long enough, I may just grab Pumpkin and take her for a walk. Even with it being soggy, it just sounds so good to get out of the house for a little while.

Since it is Friday, we are having a meat-free day today. This evening, we are having toast and gravy with eggs for dinner. We don't normally eat "breakfast" food for dinner, so it will be novel during Lent to deviate from our norm. I had wanted to make a hearty bean soup, but my husband wasn't feeling up for it. So, beans have been moved to next week.

Afternoon Update
I've finished with 30 minutes on the erg, and I'm feeling pretty good. Right now, I'm enjoying a bowl of hot grits. Ahh... it's like heaven on a cold, drippy day. Since I didn't blow-dry my hair straighter after my bath last night, I'm all full of curls today. Pumpkin is so funny, because she actually started petting me. She's not used to seeing me walk around with a halo of curly-puff. It's just too cute. Anyway, since my hair is already feeling free, it won't look ridiculous when I'm walking around in the misty/drizzly weather outside. I'm going to throw my shoes and coat on, and we'll walk to the market to find some biscuits for dinner tonight that are already portioned and easily counted. I could make biscuits from scratch, but then I'd have to sit down and work out all of the numbers, and I'm feeling too lazy to do that today.

After our walk, I think that I'll be recovered enough from rowing that I can do the yoga. I got in 13.2 miles in my 30 minutes on the erg. My shoulders are really feeling it! I probably wouldn't feel it quite so much, but I did that TBL workout yesterday.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Workin' Out The Day

Food Choices
I am finding that I like oranges. When I was a kid, I didn't like them very much. I'm not really sure why that is. I guess it was probably the difficulty I had in getting enough of the peel off. Hey, kids aren't always that great at that. For some strange reason, I just never felt any desire to buy them as an adult. Since we've been feeding the children more fruit each day, I thought that I would give oranges another chance. Now I like them! I still don't like apples very much though. I think that is more of a mouth-feel thing. I like applesauce and apple butter, but not the raw apple. So, now I like strawberries, watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, and oranges.

Since I am not drinking coffee during Lent, I thought that I would try a cup of tea this morning. I wonder what it is about tea that gives me a gritty, almost cotton-mouth, kind of feel? I like the taste of tea, but it tends to give me a bit of a sore throat. I guess that means that I will stick primarily to water for these next 40 days. I can have coffee on Sundays, but I'd rather not indulge then and make it harder to abstain during the rest of the week. I'm more of an "all or nothing" kind of gal.

Workout Video (have to say it like "pop-up video!")
My little sister and I are doing "The Biggest Loser" workout video #2 today. I'm still trying to decide which workouts we are going to put together. I'd like to do Bob's boot camp, and maybe the high-intensity cardio workout. If I feel good enough afterward, I think that it sounds like a fun thing to try and survive yoga again. *laughs*

5-Day Game Plan
Since having the little monster around, I haven't been getting in the same intensity of workout that I need. It's just a little hard to work myself up into a lathering sweat of exhaustiveness while being distracted all the time. Such is life though, with a 3 year old around, particularly a boy who is running full-tilt from the moment his eyes open. So, what I'm going to do is make out a game plan ahead of time, and then basically force myself to comply. Hopefully that will keep me from wimping out after 20 minutes.

I'm going to use my sidebar to keep my game plan easily in sight for the next 5 days, instead of logging my calories in/out for the time being.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Hooray for Me!

Ok, this may seem a little silly to some people, but I am celebrating my not being sick! It started with the little monster, and then spread to everyone in the house... except for me. I love to breathe. It is wonderful to do it consistently. It is even better to do it with ease, and without mucus yuckies.

Now that the illness seems to have cleared up around here, I am very happy for my improved health. If I had still been eating loads of crappy food and not exercising, I'm thinking that things would have been very different. I always get so sick. It seems like every bit of sniffle that is going around- I get. So, it seemed like a miracle to see everyone sniffling their last sniffles, knowing that I'm still feeling fine. Hooray! I know that this doesn't mean that I have some super-duper immune system, but I'm pretty darned happy to miss any colds that I possibly can.

I'm Really Here

I really haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I've just been a little busy with the kiddos. I've gotten a lot of cleaning done, along with a lot of cooking. It's been fun though, having my sister here with me. We get plenty done, and have a good time with it.

My sister has started exercising and making better food choices, now that she is here. She is excited about the results that she is already seeing. It's been good for me to have the company! DH means well, but he only half-heartedly wants to make changes. So, he eats his Big Macs, and I eat my baked chicken. *shrugs*

Anyway, I'm coming in at 1-1/2 lb. down this week from last week. I've taken a couple of days off from exercise, just to rest and try and get my spine in order. The yoga was a little rough on my hamstrings, and that has a tendency to pull my hips and back out of alignment. That just means more stretching, and now I am feeling pretty good again.

Now that my back is feeling better, it's back to the exercising. I'm all dressed and getting ready to walk and jog for an hour or so. I can't do *too* much today, because we have to leave for church this afternoon. I can always pull out the recumbent bike and ride for a little while as I watch my tv shows though.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Holy Back Muscles, Batman!

Last night's yoga has caught up with me! I felt good and tired last night, but tonight I'm feeling a little sore. I'm feeling it mostly through my back. It was all of that plank and warrior 2, I think. Oh, I can't forget Bob's "let's see how strong you are... push-ups..". Oh Bob, I'm not that strong. I'm sorry for telling you to shut-up while we were doing yoga, but sometimes I want to hit you through the tv. *laughs* When you are talking while my arms and legs are shaking like crazy, it makes me want to act out violently.

Even though I'm a little sore, it is a good feeling. I'm not feeling injured or anything, just "well used". Maybe that is a funny way of saying it. My sister and I are going to give the level one workout a go together this evening. I don't know how many calories it burns to go through the workout, but it sure feels like it's doing something good.

Exhibitionist Yoga

Ok, now I understand why ladies were all of those interesting little tops and such while doing yoga. I though, "Oh, I'm just doing yoga with Bob! I'm sure that my t-shirt will be fine." Hah. So, I ended up doing yoga in my living room, in my bra. I asked my husband to be kind and close the kitchen blinds for me, but he just laughed and kept on with what he was doing. He's mean like that. Knowing what a meanie he is, I'm going to invest in some of those tight little tops that are at least better than wearing my underwear to exercise in. I'm sure that it won't look cute, but at least I won't end up looking like a sand worm with my shirt falling over my head. *laughs*

This was my first time attempting yoga, and I think that is about as much as I can say I did. I attempted yoga. I'm sure that I didn't get my feet in the right configuration during some of the poses, since my crooked feet have a mind of their own. I did the best that I can though, so true enthusiasts will have to forgive my wayward feet. I stink at doing the plank, but I did hold it for as long as I could before I had to move to my knees. My sore shoulder was not liking me about halfway through the workout. I think that it was all of that warrior 2. There's nothing like trying to stay up on legs that are shaking like leaves in the breeze, while fighting to not give in to a burning shoulder. I made it though! My arm didn't fall off! Take that, pesky shoulder! (On a more serious note, I was very careful not to re-injure myself.)

I feel good now. That was nice, even if it was harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I should try not doing yoga at midnight, however. I'll work on fitting it into my afternoons, so long as I think I can live through my sister giggling at me while I've got my butt in the air. It was fun though, and I look forward to trying it again. Hopefully I will get to the point where that triangle pose doesn't make me wobble and nearly smack my forehead off the floor.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Happy Friday, World. :o )

Good Morning!

Or.... rather it was morning when I started trying to type this post. *laughs*

I ate a good, clean diet yesterday. For my later-evening snack, I made a large salad with beets, chickpeas, pickles, and feta cheese in it. I had intended to just eat half of it, but it was just too yummy. Since I knew that I had the calories to "spend", I just went ahead and finished it. To finish off the day, I had two pieces of dark chocolate, and that was plenty.

When I stepped on the scale, it was reading a 1-1/2 lb. loss since my WI on Tuesday. That's not too bad. Now, all I need to do is hold onto it.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Revised Pictures

I don't know, I guess I just didn't like the other pictures. I didn't think that they showed a good view of how my body is looking at the moment. That makes it hard to use them as a gauge when trying to see changes through one month and the next. So, I did the nearly unthinkable. I put on spandex and tight clothes.

*shudders*

I am not used to wearing very snug clothing. Since a human being will not see me outside of my house in such attire, it is a scary thing to put it up on the internet. It's a good thing that I cut my head off, lest you see my purple face.

I'm going to just deal with my own sense of embarrassment and modesty issues, for the sake of record-keeping.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Biggest Loser, Exercise, Colds, & Accountability Pictures

The Biggest Loser
Like many of my buddies, I watched "The Biggest Loser" last night. I enjoy watching the show, but sometimes the nature of the game annoys me. I love to see people working hard and attaining their fitness goals. I could pass on things like watching Bob treat his trainees like children because they didn't vote the way that he wanted. The last I knew, Bob was supposed to be the trainer, with his focus on getting people healthy. The more that he gets into strategy and such, the less I enjoy watching him.

My big gwar moment was during the challenge, when the players had to row on ergometers. Is anyone surprised? *laughs* Like I said, sometimes the 'game' aspect bothers me. If everyone's health was so darned important, why didn't someone educate the players on proper form while 'rowing' so they wouldn't hurt themselves? Laura just about made me want to cry, trying to pull so hard while she was hunched over and using way too much upper-body. It is no wonder that these people who have been working out so hard could only last 15 minutes on the erg. I wonder how many people pulled their backs out, and it makes me more than a little angry. It wouldn't have hurt the competition at all for the producers of the show to have someone deomonstrate proper form, at the very least. Knowing how important challenges are, anyone could see that the players would be pushing themselves as hard as they could- which can lead to big injuries if they don't know how to use the equipment correctly. Just- gwar.

Exercise
My own exercise felt really good last night. DH carried my recumbent bike up from the basement for me, because he likes to pretend that he is He-Man. Sometimes I could just shake that wonderful, gorgeous, and stupid man of mine. *laughs* All I could do was walk behind him, holding the rail for dear life, while keeping a hand on his back in case he lost his balance. We both survived his He-Man antics, and I spent the next hour riding my bike.

I hit the bike again this morning, after having a little bit of breakfast. It wasn't enough food, so I didn't have enough energy to do much. I called it quits after 20 minutes, and here I am now- in the kitchen. I'm warming up with some grilled zucchini and yellow summer squash. I'm still pondering my food choices right now. I think that I may just fall back on a frozen meal, or maybe some eggs and toast. I'm indecisive because I don't really care about the actual eating today. That sounds weird to even say (or type). I'm feeling digestively lazy enough today that drinking meal-replacement drinks sounds like a winning idea. We keep them around for DH though, as he rarely has time to eat breakfast. It would be nicer of me to just chew some food today, so he can keep his shakes. *laughs*

It feels really strange to me to make that transition into the mindset where food is for fuel, not something to make me happy. Sure, I enjoy eating good food, but when I'm thinking about it as fuel- it's easier to pass up the chocolate-covered donuts that my sister bought. I ignored them last night, even as those two booger-butts (DH and Sis) were eating donuts in front of me. Ah well, such is life. Not everyone is as picky about what they eat as I have had to become. I shouldn't expect them to be, and I can live without donuts- even when they are right under my nose.

Some of my "umph" is rubbing off on DH, at least. While he ate his donut, he did also exercise this evening. He lifted weights and rode the bike for 15 minutes. It's a start, and I'm happy for it. It made for a funny picture though, with DH and I both exercising while watching "The Biggest Loser". I tried to talk my sister into exercising with us too, but she wasn't up for it... yet. I'll get 'er. *chuckles*

Speaking of workouts, my shoulder is feel pretty darned good today. I can extend my arm out in front of me, and raise my hand to eye-level and higher without any pain. That is good in my book. I'm going to give it a couple more days of rest before I start using weights again though, just to be sure that it's going to be alright.

Colds
When I woke up this morning, I was having some sinus issues. I think that I may be getting my nephew's cold, which he seems intent on passing around the house. I'm wondering if there is anything that I can do to help increase my chances of pulling through this with minimal symptoms, if I do actually begin to get sick. If sick, do I continue to exercise each day? Do I keep my calorie level the same? I know that I'll need to drink lots of water and rest. I just wonder what might help boost my immune system and overall function, so I don't get so miserably sick- if my body caves to the infection at all.

Accountability
Alright, it's that time again! It's the time of the month when I take another picture of myself, just to show y'all that I'm telling the truth and not porking out on chips and chocolate cake on the other side of my monitor. *laughs* Hey, we know that people lie about stuff on the internet all of the time. I could blather on about how I'm 140 lbs. and look like I'm sculpted out of marble. I know, it makes me want to roll on the floor laughing also. I've never been 140 lbs. and I'm not sure that I could ever get there. I tend to put on too much muscle for that. I could be a kind of "skinny fat" and get there, I think.

Anyway, no matter what I (or the scale) might say, folks can make their own judgements about my donut consumption based on my pictures. Today, I tried to tuck my shirt in at the back, so you could see a little more of my shape. I don't really wear my button-down shirts quite so tight in the real world, which I know everyone is breathing a sigh of relief about. *chuckles* I had to switch jeans for this picture. These rather snug pants had just been pulled out of the wash, so I had me some "muffin top" going on. Such is the life of a cute little chubster. Generally, I have more of a waist. Life is getting interesting though, since I'm losing much of my wardrobe to the charity bin. My muffin will go away, so long as I don't eat any muffins. *laughs* I should be doing quite well by the time I get to the end of my ticker at the top of my blog.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How The Day Goes

I've been able to move pretty well, even after using my shoulder for rows yesterday. I was a little nervous about how I would be feeling come the morning, but I seem to have a full range of movement. That shoulder is still a tad sore, but it hasn't been keeping me from the things that I want to do.

My food choices have been lacking today, unfortunately. I mean that in the most literal sense, because I haven't had much to eat. I feel a bit of shame to admit that I've eaten 150 calories so far today. I know that that isn't good. I know that I should be doing better than that.

Things have just been weird for me since my sister moved in. I'm not really on my schedule, and it's hard for me to just do things when I feel like doing them. Generally, if I want to exercise, I just do it. Pumpkin is old enough to occupy herself for 30 minutes to an hour. When I pulled out my glider to "walk" yesterday, I spent the last third of my walking time distracted and repeatedly warning the little guy to stay back, lest I accidentally whack him. It's not that anything is bad, but different. It might take me a little while to acclimate. Like I've said before, I don't "do" change very well. I get into a routine, and I live in that happy place.

Anyway, I will figure all of this stuff out in time. I'll probably be stuck at this weight until I do, which is the only real bummer. I'm not uncomfortable with where I'm at, but it would sure be nice (read: absolutely fantastically wonderful) to be able to buy the next size smaller in jeans. That next size would help solidify in my mind that I am not 'oh beast'. *wink* I'm just a happy chubster. *laughs* Since I won't earn myself those smaller jeans over the course of the next few hours, I'm going to just work on doing what I can to be good to me now. I'm going to eat a filling dinner, while not overdoing it. Then, I'm going to change into my wonderfully funky tights and drag the glider out this evening. I'm going to exercise while "The Biggest Loser" is on. It should be late enough in the evening that the kiddos are possibly not running through the living room like crazy beings.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Rut Roh!

Oops. *laughs*

I didn't pay close attention to the clock, and so I overlooked the fact that it was well into the afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything but a small breakfast (yeah- 200 calories. Wimpy, really). Wanna guess how my workout went?

Man, when am I going to figure out this darned eating thing? I had been jogging for 15 minutes before I just stopped. I wasn't out of breath or anything, just out of gas. D'oh! Can't run on fumes!

I poked through the freezer and grabbed a Lean Pocket, and it is digesting at the moment. I'm going to run some more laundry downstairs, and then I'll carry the XL Glider into the living room. I think that I'll "walk" on there for a while and see how far I can go on my 250 calories. I'm sure that it won't be stellar, but I want to keep at it as long as I can before I have to start getting dinner on. I'm going to need to increase the heartiness of my remaining meals, if I want to hit my calorie goal for the day. I think that cutting myself short here is hurting my efforts a great deal. I just a mite bummed because tomorrow is my weigh-in, and I don't think I'll have a loss to log. We'll see!

* * *
Tony Little Would Be Proud

After having a little lunch this afternoon, I pulled my glider out of the computer room and carried it into the living room. Man, that thing is heavy! I had to stop myself and remember to lift with my left arm, so I wouldn't hurt my sore shoulder. Since I had some food, I did pretty well with my "power walking". I logged 4.5 miles in 60 minutes. Once I got done there, I did 3 sets of 10 deep squats. I also did 3 sets of 10 standing rows.



Working Through Controlled Chaos

Food
We've had our new house-guests for the weekend, and I think that we are settling into some kind of controlled chaos. If there is any real stress for me, it is just that I don't feel that my sister is happy. I can live with that though, and it shouldn't wear on me enough to affect my diet and exercise habits.

I haven't been eating as much as I should, and it is having a bit of an effect on me. I feel alright, but the scale is stuck on the same 'ole number. I may just hang there this week, as I'm still trying to find the energy to take care of the house and chase around after Boo. He is being a pretty nice boy, when he's not throwing toys at Pumpkin. All in all, I'm just trying to figure out how to get everything done without looking like a bossy ogre.

Where I'm having a bit of difficulty is in deciding how to structure meals. I don't have a large enough grocery budget to feed everyone much meat with dinner. So, I am trying to find some other protein sources that aren't horribly expensive. Beans come to mind, but I'm at a loss as to how I'm going to serve beans with dinner without making a soup. *laughs* Beans are not really my area of expertise.

Running
It felt real nice to take some time out and go to the gym yesterday. I don't normally visit the gym on Sundays, but I needed some time away to soothe myself. I'm still getting used to my new running shoes, so I walked for 5 minutes and then retied my shoes. It's going to take a few days of running before I'll know just how tight to tie them when I start out. I haven't found much more that is as distracting as having my toes fall asleep while I'm jogging. *grins*

I ran jogged for just over 2 miles yesterday. I am going to try and stick to a 2 mile jog during each treadmill session, at least until next week. Then I'm going to start adding an extra 5 minutes onto my jogging time. It is my goal to eventually get to the point where I can jog 5 miles in an hour, and actually survive that hour. lol Since I'm quite the tortoise when it comes to running, that will be a feat for me. If I never get any faster, I'd like to think that at least I will slowly be able to run for longer.

My shoulder is feeling ok today. It's not 100%, but it's not feeling horrible either. I'm going to stick with jogging though, and avoid doing upper body exercises for this whole week. I want to give it plenty of time to heal, so I don't make things worse. Jillian will just have to kick someone else's butt this week. *laughs* Maybe she should put out a CD full of "motivational" tracks, all of her getting in one's face and pushing them til they puke. I'd buy something like that. I wonder what it says about me. *chuckles* Am I some kind of closet masochist, that I don't like a softer approach?

Goals
My goals for today are rather simple. I want to remember to drink all of my water. I want to remember to eat all of my calories for the day. I want to get in 30 minutes of exercise. There is nothing spectacular there, but simple gets it done.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Gettin' It Together

Man, I need to pull things together! These past couple of days have been more than a little difficult for me. I haven't been eating awfully, but I haven't been as careful as I should be. I've been eating less frequently, and generally just a little bit of whatever I made for everyone else. Then, I ate ham last night after church. That's not really not bad, but there is more sodium in the ham than I really want to be eating (especially at night).

Things have been more than a little crazy since my sister and her son moved in. I'm sure that life will quiet down a little once they get their living space more organized. This week, I may end up exercising at the gym more often than I normally do, just because I need a place to focus on the work at hand. That is hard to do while worrying whether or not the 3 year old is spitting milk on the new couch, or whether he's hitting Pumpkin with the toys again.

I do have some of my exercise equipment in our school room/ office. I could use the erg in there, except that my shoulder is still bothering me. In a couple of days though, I should be better able to do my exercise videos again.

In the meantime, whatever difficulties I'm having with the exercise, I need to refocus my attention on eating a cleaner diet regardless of the chaos.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bad Food Day

Goodness, I'm having a bad food day. It is the strangest thing, but nothing seems appealing. I don't want to eat, period. That's not a good thing, and I find it odd. A Squish that can't stand the though of chewing? Unheard of!

I've had 138 calories today. That would be one small banana and a couple cups of coffee.

I am feeling mighty funky today.

Frustrated by Fragility

Sometimes I feel like I'm just about to come unleashed, and it's not a pretty thing. I have a rather excitable temper, though I have some success in keeping a handle on things. I'm feeling a little frayed around the edges though.

This probably sounds a mite strange, but my physical limitations are making me angry. I pulled my shoulder last night. I rowed that afternoon, but nothing overly strenuous. I was trying to save my knees enough to get through a yoga workout. Since I have that weak spot through my range of motion, I have to be careful unless I actually desire to dump myself on my head. So, now not only is my knee tender, but my shoulder is hurting. It pisses me off. I'm trying to very carefully check myself, because my urge is to push through the pain to get what I want anyway- even though it will hurt me more. It's a character flaw that I am a stubborn, selfish woman. *laughs* I want to be stronger than this, and my will and temper are bigger than my commonsense from time to time. All of these raging hormones don't help any.

I'm feeling angry with my limitations today, mainly this tainted blood of mine. My feelings are unfair and cruel. The small hurts are just compounding larger pains that already have me frustrated. Because I'm in pain, I feel like lashing out because crying just makes my head hurt and my nose run. Maybe it is that 'fight or flight' syndrome or something, but only hard exercise makes me feel better. I can't fight my bad blood. I can't fight my frustrations any more than I can strangle my own dreams and insane urges. The only thing left to me is to run. So, I'll run until my heart feels ready to explode, and then run farther.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Good Wednesday, Bloggie Buds!

Good Morning!

Those Little Worries
I am feeling much better today, after having had a long conversation with my little sister last night. I know that things are going to be different, but maybe it will be a good sort of different. I'm using that thought to be a balm to my nerves, because I am just one of those people who doesn't do change very well. I get things into an order that makes me happy, and then I live in that place for as long as possible. Sure, I still worry that I'll wake up each morning to find crayons stabbed through my zucchinis and tomatoes used as fingerpaint on the walls. I worry that we won't be able to afford the fresh vegetables and other foods that I've learned to love in an effort to be healthy. I worry that we'll be back to $0.35 boxes of Mac & Cheese in order to feed, clothe, and house all of us. It's not that LS (Little Sister) is completely without income, because her husband works. He just doesn't send home enough money for his family to survive. She had to hawk some of her DVD's this week to buy milk for her son. So, we can't count on him sending enough money to meet the added need that we have in caring for LS and her son.

Instead of getting caught up in this place of worry, I'm going to look at all of the great opportunities that this will give us. LS is at her wit's end because she is alone all of the time, and her stress causes her to let her son do things that he shouldn't. LS and I will be good company for one another, and we get along pretty well. She understands that I am a little overbearing and stubborn, and I understand that she is practically an exact opposite of me. Instead of getting in the way of our friendship, we seem to fit together like good puzzle pieces. We will be good companions, and that will help her to feel much better, and make the children happier too.

With the coming of spring, LS and I can take the kids out for walks or just go outside and play games with them. The kids won't be so lonely, because they won't FEEL like only-children. We will all have greater opportunities to be active, and share that with one another. When we do need time alone to focus on specific tasks or goals, the other will be able to watch the children and provide that time. Since LS is in rather poor health, I think that even just companionship and exercise will go a LONG way in helping her to feel so much better.

Lastly, we love children. That may not be readily evident by my worry over LS's son, Boo. We have one daughter. We have had to bury our two sons, and that has scarred me in a horric way. There is no way for us to have more children, aside from adoption or having someone offer to carry a baby for us. Both of those things cost a lot of money upfront. I am so used to just having Pumpkin here, so this will be a big change for us. We'll now have Boo, and his siblings will be visiting frequently. (They live with their father right now.) Our house will be rather lively with children, and that will be nice. I'll probably develop some kind of year-long headache, but it will be nice to cuddle children, play with them, and all of that good stuff. I don't know that there is anything better than hearing a child squeal my name and tackle me with their excitement to see me. I know that DH feels the same way. He gets the cutest look on his face when Boo starts hollering his name and grinning.

Soggy Morning
It was raining when I woke up this morning. It has been very warm here, and now the weather folks are saying that this could cause flooding. It doesn't seem that bad though. The only thing that bugs me is that it is so gray. I can't stand living in twilight. It makes me sad, and causes me to feel dumpy and eat more. So, I'm going to turn on all of the lights today.

I have a higher calorie day planned for today. I want to spend some good, solid time in exercise this afternoon. My basic plan is to use the erg to row for 30 minutes at a moderate pace. Then, I want to do my "Biggest Loser" yoga DVD. I haven't done it yet, because I have no balance. *laughs* I worry that I'll fall on my head, but I want the opportunity to work my muscles real good without all of the typical bouncing around that comes with many cardio exercises.

I'm feeling pretty optimistic this morning. I think that I have my head in the right place, and now I just need to get my intensity on. I stepped on the scale this morning, and it is sitting at about 197.5 lbs. for the day. I'd like to make that an even 197 sometime this week, or even 196. I'm not so picky! *laughs* Though the scale is moving slowly, at least it is moving a little bit. Every half-pound is one more step closer to a more comfortable and energetic Squish. I'm also vain enough to say that it's one more step closer to being able to pick up sexy "intimates" off the rack at whichever store is my choice. *grins* Hey, having a big bottom is detrimental to shopping for these things that look so cute.... but then won't slide down over my butt. Come the warmer weather, I'd love to be slender and fit enough to buy little whisps of nothing that I can wear to bed. Some girls want to be ready for "bikini season", but I don't wear that sort of thing. I guess this is my replacement. *grins*

The lowest weight that I've gotten to, since the day that I started making babies, is 184. Since I'm not short and have somewhat broad hips and shoulders, that looked pretty good on me. I was still a bit squishy, but not so much that it interfered with anything that I wanted to do. I'm looking forward to "nickel and diming" my way past that weight though. I want to take this in baby steps, so I'm looking at a mini-goal of reaching 183 sometime this spring. That is 14-1/2 lbs. that I'd like to lose in the next 14 weeks. Since I'm a rather slow loser, that is an acceptable time-frame. Then, I'm sure that the remainder of my excess weight that I'd like to lose would come off somewhat easily as I play through the summer. If not, then I can pick at it as time goes by. I'm not desperate though. I'm comfortable right now, so I'm not going to cry over hanging out at a smaller weight, even if it isn't my ultimate goal weight. So long as I can do everything that I want, then I'll be happy with my weight. If it gets in my way, then I'll purposefully work harder to get my weight down to wherever it needs to be in order for me to participate in whatever I might be missing out on.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The Weight of Things & General Weirdo Happenings

The Weigh-In
Good Morning A-Team! Today is my weigh-in day, and I'm happy to say that I lost a pound. It's not a lot, but at least I feel like I'm contributing to our kicking Team Lean's multi-butt.

Now, I worked really hard yesterday to not work hard- all so I could have a lower number. I was fidgety and twitchy all day, because my body wanted to exercise even though my inner Vulcan was telling it how illogical that decision would be. I needed the rest, and it's always good to rest the day before my weigh-in. I'm not sure that I can overcome my inner Klingon today, as I'm feeling mighty aggressive and need to do battle with my inner stress demon. *wiggles eyebrows* I need to kick the stress' donkey, so I don't end up battling the hungry monster instead. (I do know. You don't have to tell me how much of a nerd I am. *laughs*)

Recap For Yesterday
I baked banana bread yesterday, and took it over to the neighbors. I like to do small things like that, particularly since they are so nice to us. The man of the house helps me with snow removal in the winter, and is always offering us help when we're stuck in a bad way. I used to take things over for them all the time, but I got away from that a bit these past few months. I just don't bake as much now, since I don't eat sweet breads very often.

While I was over there, the lady of the house commented on how much weight I've lost. She said that she was very impressed, and that her and her daughter would like to walk with me when the weather gets nicer. It sure would be nice to have some company!

After I came back home and got settled in, my youngest sister called. She asked me if I would take her son, because she was going to have to start sleeping in their van. I told her that I'd take him, though not without a measure of utter fear. You'd have to know this boy to understand. I love him to pieces, and he is good when he's in my direct care. However, he doesn't stay that way when I'm not watching him. I can think up a million ways that he is going to try and destroy everything I own, hurt our animals, try and whoop on Pumpkin, and probably urinate on everything. You would be afraid too. But, I want to do what is in their best interest. So, DH and I decided that my sister and her son can come and both stay with us for a while. Her husband drives for a living, so I don't really count him. Since I have nothing nice to say about him, I'll just not say anything more.

With these big decisions being made, I was a bundle of nerves last night. I was a pretty good girl though. I had planned to have 1,200 calories yesterday, but I ended up having a little more than that- still well within my weight-loss range though. I had a slice of pumpkin sweetbread, a cup of coffee, and one piece of dark chocolate. I grabbed the chocolate during one of my trips to the bathroom, because I realized on my way back to bed that my stomach was so unsettled that I wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise. So, after an hour or so of tossing and turning, one piece of chocolate settled me just enough that I was able to quiet my stomach along with my mind- and I fell asleep.

This Morning
I'm still a mite stressed this morning. I've been trying to figure out ways to move furniture and such, working out a way to house two more people. We have one small bedroom that we use as a school room/office. If I move our desks and computer, they can use that room until the weather is nice enough for them to move into the basement. It's too cold for them down there right now. The best that I can do for a bed is a beaten down futon that my other sister gave me. Some of the metal supports are gone, but I have some rope that I can lash the frame with to provide better support for the mattress. There are just so many things to think through and plan for in order for us to live peaceably together.

Interestingly enough, I don't feel any urge to eat my stress. I don't care to nibble on things right now, though my mind is going a million miles a minute. Goodness, I had a Greek salad for breakfast! *laughs* Oh how I wanted that feta cheese. *grins* I'm still working out what else I should eat, because I know that my small salad isn't enough to cut it. A yogurt sounds good.

Since I'm all in a lather, trying to organize my thoughts and household, I'm going to go ahead and exercise today. I know that it was supposed to be a rest day, but I need the relief that comes with wearing myself down to a sweaty puddle of mush. I had better put dinner in the slow cooker, so dinner preparations don't get in the way of my workout.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Good Morning, I think. *yawns*

Good Morning, my bloggie friends. *waves* I hope that everyone out there in the blogosphere is having a wonderful morning, particularly those in my general area who are experiencing a virtual heat wave. *laughs*

It was darned hard to get to sleep last night. At one point, I had to tell DH that he needed to stop pestering me and let me sleep, because I was so hungry that I would cave and head to the kitchen if I wasn't able to fall asleep right away. After eating a higher level of calories this past week, dialing down the calories is a little difficult. I think that that might be why getting started with a controlled diet is generally the hardest part (in my opinion). I wouldn't have been so uncomfortable, but I had to take the hit for eating that gyro earlier in the day. If I want something, I had better be prepared to pay the cost for it. For me, that was a vegetarian dinner and limited snacks in the evening. It was all that bad, but I stayed up too late last night. Dinner was a plate full of roasted mushrooms and tomatoes. I seasoned them both and then sprinkled a tablespoon of parmesan cheese over the tomatoes. For dessert, I had a bowl of strawberries. A cup of coffee and a crunchy granola bar was my little snack later in the evening.

I stepped on the scale this morning, though I don't know why I bothered. I feel awful and bloated today, and not wholly thankful to be a woman. My weight is still the same, but the body fat percentage has dropped by another point. Whatever. *shrugs* I feel too funky to care right now. I just want to grab a blanket and curl up in my big chair and veg out in front of the tv. There is too much that needs to be done today though. Since I don't do housework on the weekends, in an effort to spend as much time with my family as possible, I have a bunch of work to do today. I've organized the dishes that need to be loaded into the dishwasher, and have started to sort through the odd assortment of papers that found their way into the house. DH brought up a load of laundry for me to fold, and there more that have to go into the washer. I am so thankful for my "servants" (aka- the machines). Then, of course, there is getting Pumpkin through her homework. Boy, that girl hates subtraction. I'm glad that most of the work today is fractions and geometry. I get so tired of fussing at her to stop staring at the wall and actually get the problems done. She only ever does that with the subtraction.

I'm just moving slow today. If everything gets done, then that's great. If it doesn't, that's fine too. Life isn't going to end if I leave a pile of mail on the table to go through tomorrow. Since I don't feel all that well, we're going to just take it easy and pick off things at a comfortable pace. I think that we'll even make Valentine's cards today, while Daddy is at work.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Tired, Tired Squish

Oh, this Squish is so tired. I'm going to take tomorrow and the next day as rest days. I was feeling pretty good this morning, but something about running outside in that cold air just sapped the energy right out of me. Without that internal 'umph', I'm very aware of every sore spot and tight muscle.

There are some interesting things going on with my body of late. I wonder how "small" I will actually get, once more of this fat starts melting off. My legs are like trees! I've got extra floppy flab on my upper thighs, and it is actually looking floppier these days. My muscles are just so danged hard that the fat and skin looks odd hanging there. The same thing is happening more on my arms. I have good muscles, and it's strangely amusing to stand at the mirror and flop the extra fat and skin around and "tuck it up" to see what my arm might look like without it. In the meantime, I feel like I should be able to fly away at will. My shoulders are looking right fine, however. Even my back is looking mighty fine. My posture looks better, as weird as that sounds. Maybe I am standing straighter, now that I have more muscle control. Still, it looks as though I've lost fat through the top of my shoulders, and therefore seem more... upright.

I think that my hips are nearly as slender as they are going to be. I'm reaching the point where I have just a little extra padding on the outside of my hips. It actually kind of hurts when DH rests his arm across my hip while we're sleeping. That's not to say that I'm slender though. I've still got my belly fat to contend with, and my big bottom. My upper abdomen and ribcage area is looking pretty good. I *almost* can't pinch a roll. That's not to say that there isn't a survival layer hanging out, but that it doesn't fold over on itself. *laughs* My lower abdomen though, that is my big trouble area. This is probably going to be my big project for a long time.

It struck me today that I walk different now. Maybe it is because my muscle control is different. My knee doesn't hurt as badly, or as often as it has tended to. It feels good! I still can't wear heels though, which bums me out a little. My ankle boots with the heels are alright for a short time, but I start to limp around if I try to wear them for prolonged walking. I'm thinking that this may just be my reality from now on. That's ok. *smiles* I don't like feeling taller than my husband anyway.

I'm not sure what my weigh-in is going to give me on Tuesday. My monthly came today, and there is no telling whether I am going to post some outrageously low number, or whether I'm going to swell up like a water balloon. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm going to rest my tired body so I can begin with renewed vigor in a couple of days.

Oh, Wonderfulness That Is Greek Food

It's probably a good thing that I went light on breakfast this morning. We were getting ready for church, so I hurriedly ate some Fiber One cereal with Almond Breeze and a Yoplait light yogurt cup. I had the Cherry Cobbler one this time, and it was alright. I didn't think it was anything much to write home about, but it wasn't bad either. I had hoped to really like Boston Creme Pie, but it was just blah. Anyway, back to the topic on hand...

I was such a good girl at church today. They had cinnamon rolls that they were selling this week (raises funds for youth trips). I bought one for DH, and popped it in the microwave for him, so it would be the most wonderful thing he'd seen this morning- aside from me, of course. *chuckles* I didn't have any. I didn't even sneak a swipe of the frosting that had dripped onto the plate. Nope. I was a good girl.

After church, DH took us out for lunch, and I had a gyro. Oh, how I wanted to have some flaming cheese! *sigh* I love watching them light it on fire. Instead of getting the flaming cheese, or even the beautiful stuffed grape leaves- I opted for a chicken gyro. See what a good girl I am? I passed the beef and lamb, not only for the sake of cutting a few calories, but also because I don't like to eat baby animals. I'll take mutton. That's fine. I just don't like eating babies. It also helps that the chicken is leaner, though my mouth couldn't tell the difference after they put that lovely Greek tzatziki yogurt sauce on it.

For as yummy as my gyro was, I'm not sure what the calorie count is on it. I might have gotten slapped with flaming goat cheese if I had dared to ask. *laughs* I did check FitDay though, and their approximation is that it was probably around 542 calories. I can deal with that, especially since breakfast was so lean.

Since it is so wonderfully God-blessedly beautiful outside, I am going to jog around the block for a while, instead of going to the gym. I don't need a treadmill to tell me that I move as slow as a turtle. I'd rather be sighing with bliss about the sunshine, instead of lamenting the fact that I've never been a fast runner- and probably never will be. I am going to stick to my block though, because I know the condition of the concrete and I've already calculated the distance per lap. I think that I need to get one of those lap counters though, because I have a hard time remembering what lap I'm on. The best that I manage anymore is to roll a hairband onto my pinky-finger and move it along my fingers as I get through my laps. Sometimes I use a ring, if I have one that is a good size, and I don't care if I accidentally drop it in a puddle of gunk.

Well, I think that I've killed enough time, and my gyro should be digested by now. Or, at least I hope that it is. lol I'm too geeked about getting out in the sunshine, I'm gonna just head out there now anyway. The worst that can happen is that I have to taste it again, I guess. *laughs*

Happy Sunday to you!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Wearing Red & Weirding Out The Neighbors

Wear Red Day
Alrighty gals, this is the best that I can do for the Wear Red Day. At least, it is for now. I have a bunch of red, because it is kind of a signature color for me. However, I need to get far less sweaty and stinky before putting anything else on. So, I have a red flower in my hair! (Ok, and a red kiddie hairband and my red glasses. lol)

I'm not real big with awareness days, but I do really like that there is a better effort now to inform women about heart disease. Quite frankly, it wasn't until Grandma died that I became aware of how differently a heart attack presents itself in women, as opposed to men. If having days full of women wearing red helps other women stay alive, then hooray for wearing red! I'm all about having grandmas, moms, sisters, daughters, and even ME around for as long as possible.

Weirding Out the Neighbors (aka- Not As Tired As I Thought)

When I got up this morning, I was really dragging tail. It was my own fault. I own it completely, because I was up late reading a book when I should have been sleeping. Then I got sidetracked by watching my husband sleep, and alternated between that and reading my book. *laughs* All of that made for a sleepy, slow moving Squish today.

Breakfast was nearly a disaster, since I forgot who I was for a few minutes. That may sound funny, but do you ever find yourself going into an autopilot mode, doing things that were once familiar- but are now contrary to your lifestyle? Yup. It was a close one.

I didn't eat a bunch of crap, but I was ready to. I was standing at the cupboard, staring at the Whoppers again. I really should stop buying them, but I also feel bad that I've already taken away so many treats from my family because I have had a hard time getting a grip on myself once in a while. Disaster was averted, however, because I came to my senses while staring at the box and arguing with the devil on my shoulder. It came to me that this is not the person that I want to be, or truly am anymore. I'm not that gal who takes doses of sugar like it is cocaine, and she needs a fix. So, if I'm not that person any more... why stand here debating with myself about eating the crap?? I closed the cupboard and grabbed my MP3 player. If I had enough energy to fight that hard with myself over candy, I had enough energy to exercise instead.

So, I like jogging. I've mentioned that, I'm sure. Have I mentioned that I like to dance in the kitchen and look at the windows to see the neighborhood? Of course, that means that not only can I see any neighbors who happen to be out and about (not many, mind you).... but they can also see me dancing around in the kitchen like a crazy woman. *laughs*

I haven't been dancing in so long. It's a good thing, and a bad thing. I love to get my groove on, but when you're shakin' what your mama gave ya- it really does shake. *laughs* Since my husband doesn't dance, I am stuck getting goofy in the kitchen. I can't go out with my sister any more, not after weird guys started grabbing my posterior and trying to rub themselves on me. We tried our best to dance with each other and turn one another away from skeezy guys, but it seems like the only guys out on a dance floor are the drunk, skeezy guys. They get even more gross, thinking that my sister and I have a different relationship than we do. Gag me with a spoon. Ick.

Sometimes I wonder if the neighbors think that I'm nuts. It's just a general curiosity. They've seen me twirling my mom in the front yard, whoopin' it up to Big & Rich. They've seen me using the front step to get some exercise in. They've seen me walking and jogging around the block, over and over again. (I know how far it is around the block, so it helps me keep track of distance.) Oooo... and they've seen the way that I weed the garden to relieve stress when I'm angry enough that my head is about to pop off. I'm sure I've seen then shrink back a time or two when I've had the hoe and shovel in my hands. *chuckles* It strikes me that if anyone paid any attention at all, they could read me as plainly as a book, without ever even talking to me. I wear my emotions right out on my sleeve all the time. I wouldn't blame the neighbors if they think I'm weird for dancing around the kitchen, singing songs they can't hear. I guess I probably am more than a little weird, now that I think about it. *grins*

Thursday, February 5, 2009

30 Day Shred: Level 1

I just got my DVD's last night, so I was excited to pop in the "30 Day Shred" video that I had ordered. Everyone seems to enjoy the pain of it so much, so I thought that I would give it a try also.

The first thing that I noticed about the video is that my sense of structure was fulfilled! Oh, what a blessed relief. *grins* I love it when people move in time with one another, and use good form. Thankfully, everyone was on the same pace. Jillian would point out modifications, and then get back into the exercise IN TIME. Yay!

Now that I am no longer panting and wondering if I can lift my weights one more time, I can say that I enjoyed this workout. I still stink at push-ups, but hopefully I'll get better at it. I'm a little concerned with the amount of high-impact cardio, because I don't know if my knees will handle that every day. I may have to make this more like a 60 day shred, and do something less stressful to the knees when they start to hurt. There is lots of jumping, which wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to feel. The jumping jacks were fine, but I struggled with the "jump rope". There is just something about that motion that gave me some actual pain. So, I decided to run in place while they "jumped rope". I wanted to keep my heart rate up, like it was supposed to be, and not wimp out just because I wasn't able to do that one exercise.

The only other concern that I have right now is that I may have to be more careful with my jumping jacks. My legs are fine, but my sternum is a little sore. So, I'll have to watch my range of movement for a couple weeks, until my body is more used to it. I'd hate to break that cartiledge again, and it's real easy to do after the initial injury. I am very hopeful that with good, regular exercise of my shoulders and chest, it might reduce my chances for injury overall. So, Jillian can help me get stronger, which will make me healthier!

All in all, I survived. I like the video a lot. I guess there is a reason why Jillian Michaels is my favorite trainer on BL. She kicks butt and expects you to do the same, without excuses. Bob is nice, but I don't need nice when I'm pouring sweat and don't have faith that I can make it any longer. I need someone to get in my face and remind me of how strong I am. Rarr! lol

I am going to try and do this Level 1 workout through this weekend, and the next week. If I have improved with my push-ups at all and don't feel like I'm going to die by the end of the workout- I'll try Level 2 at that point. I've got those other videos to try out also, so I can toss in a yoga workout with Level 1 Shred if I don't feel able to move to Level 2 by then.

Utter Fear of Fat

"I'm so afraid of getting fat!"

"I don't eat on Thursdays and Fridays, so I can eat regular foods during the week and not get fat."

"My legs are awful! The are just so big. Does that mean that I am doing to get fat?!"


I see and hear all sorts crazy comments from young women about their fear of getting fat. I've heard the panic in their voices. As a rather fatty gal myself, I wonder why the idea of 'getting fat' sets so many women into a fit of hysteria.

Life isn't so bad as a chubby gal. I just thought that I should say that right off the top. A little squish on the parts doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. I know that there are lots of women who feel differently though. One friend and I are practically the same size, and while I'm grinning about how I can jog and play games, she is crying over the number on her jeans. I know that she isn't alone in her upset over the size of her posterior, but sometimes I certainly feel rather alone in my utter lack of fear.

There are some things that I might not like very much, though I don't know that I could say that I feel 'fear' about them. I don't like the idea of missing out on zoo trips because I might not be able to walk all that way, because of weight. I don't like the idea of wearing ugly clothing, just because bigger clothes all look more appropriate on my grandma than me. I don't like the idea of having a less exciting marriage bed because I might not be physically up to doing and experiencing things that are the most pleasurable. I don't like the idea of developing illnesses because extra weight is a strain on my body.

With all of that said, a little extra padding on my body isn't going to stop me from having any of the good things that I love! I don't think that fat is the big killer of all things good that some women seem to think. Sure, having a large excess of fat on one's body will steal much freedom and health from a person. Does that mean that all girls and women should live in fear though? I guess I can't change the way that other people feel, but I won't live like that!

Believe me when I say that 'fear of fat' is a recurring theme in my adult life. I've lost weight before, just to allow my bad coping skills to steal that freedom from me. I feel so happy for Tony, that he feels a deep conviction that this is it for him- he'll never relapse into bad habits. I wish that I had that sense of conviction, but mine doesn't burn quite as brightly as his. That is not to say that I expect to fail and put on a bunch of weight, just that I know that if I live the rest of my life with some extra cush to my tush, it's not the end of the world.

This is something that I deal with all of the time, because people expect me to fail. Sadly, sometimes I wonder if there aren't a few people who might be happy if I did. Still, I am so happy to have this increase in freedom and health that comes with being fit. Please notice that I didn't say "thin" or "skinny". For me, I don't worry about gaining weight because I know how much I enjoy being able to kick around a soccer ball, or even just window-shop at the mall. The added weight that I carried was putting so much stress on my knee that there were some days when walking back and forth to the bathroom was as much exercise as I got. I would take Motrin and spend a couple days laying in bed, in tears. I'm not afraid of fat, but I sure do love being able to walk. I think that maybe all of these weird body image issues stem from the condition of our hearts, and what we want from life.

I enjoy taking care of my body, because it does great things for me. It has nothing to do with the number on my jeans, nor whether other people find me attractive or not. Is it important to have a tiny butt? Or is it important to be fit enough to play games with children, strong enough to carry groceries home from the corner store, or physically able to giggle like a school girl while ice skating hand-in-hand with a handsome man? Give me horseback riding, white water rafting, camping, hiking, or even just strolling along the river at sunset. I'll take all of those as motivations long before I ever let some fear rule my life. I wish that more young women (and older women!) would strangle their own fear, and find the absolute joy in doing as much as they can with this life. Our bodies are the vehicle that we have, and if we want to go far, we should take care of it. Maybe my body is more like an old Ford pickup than a mini Cooper. I'm alright with that. *grins* I'm all about taking control of this journey and wringing every bit of goodness out of it.

Another Day Gone By

This week sure has gone by quickly! It's hard to believe that it's Thursday already. I've been working hard this week, and I think that it is beginning to show. I can feel a marked difference in how my body feels along my sides, and down over my hips and thighs. I've lost most of the padding around my ribcage, and it is greatly reduced down around my waist. The best part is that even though I haven't lost a ton of weight, I can see that my belly is smoothing out.

My bottom, hips, thighs, and calves are all feeling and looking pretty awesome right now. I think that it is the jogging that I've been doing. I'm sure that the 'rowing' on the erg sure hasn't hurt anything either. I've got to be careful to stretch real well today. I was sitting down and putting on my socks and shoes, and even while not engaging my muscles, my calves were tight and 'cut'. I could see the definition of my muscles, even though I was basically at rest. So, I want to take some time to rub my legs down real good and stretch my hamstrings.

I had wanted to do Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" video today, but I don't know if that is a good idea or not. Maybe after some stretching, I'll know what I'm better able to do today. I may just use the erg for 20 minutes or so, and maybe do my new "Biggest Loser Yoga" DVD.

Last night was pretty hard. I got to bed at a good time, but then couldn't get to sleep. Instead, I tossed and turned until I'd just had enough, and I got up for a while. I was really hungry, which didn't surprise me much. I haven't been eating quite as much as I'm supposed to, though I'm trying to work it all out. So, I heated up some leftovers and picked at a tiny portion of chicken and noodles while I looked up running skirts online. After a couple of hours, my body felt better, and my brain was ready to sleep at long last.

When I stepped on the scale this morning, it was down another 1/2 lb. , which puts me at 198.5 . Hopefully I can knock off a little bit more over the next few days, in order to help our A-Team at the weekly WI!

Go A-Team!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Updated: Accountability Pictures

I was slow about it, but I did update with a new accountability photo for January. The next one will be here on February 20th, or thereabouts. I try to take the pictures on the 20th of each month, but I'm a slug when it comes to actually getting them on the blog.

Running right out of my clothes...

I decided on jogging again today. Maybe I'll hop on the erg later and get some evening exercise in after dinner. I'm a little too tired to bother with it right now. I'm not used to jogging for 35 minutes straight, but at least I can move again! It gives me hope that I can tackle the running track at the park. *grins* I'm a slow runner, but I'm sure that I'll get faster over time.

Today, I practically ran right out of my clothes! I decided to wear my long tunic top, which basically looks like a dress these days. I just wanted something long so I could wear my footless tights. Oh, how these silly little things make me happy. Have I mentioned that I don't like shorts? I really can't stand them when I run, unless they are something like spandex bike shorts. Fabric shwooshing around drives me crazy, and that is the last thing that I want when I'm trying to flip that switch into autopilot. So, I really like my tights! They cover me pretty well and look funky. Anyone who knows me understands that I'm pretty down with the funk. *laughs* You did see the picture of my new tank top, right? The tie-dye one that I actually paid money for?

Anyway, I was jogging, and then I was jogging with my top around my elbows. Hey now. That's not very polite. It's a good thing that I wasn't out in public! Not that anyone could see anything (Thank you, obnoxiously orange sports bra!), but it would have still been embarrassing for me. Oh, but this is one of my most favorite tops. *sigh* Since I am reasonably talented with a needle, I'm going to try and take it in at the back seam. That should angle the shoulders a little, which will be helpful in keeping them up on my shoulders. I'm not really too concerned about how cute it is, so long as it covers my butt and stays on. lol

My Poor Donkey

Wow, I really worked my body hard yesterday! The best part is that I did it at home. *grins* I had every intention of exercising at the gym yesterday, but when I got up there, both parking lots were packed. So, with a heavy sigh, I just drove back home.

Since it was dinner time, I put some chicken on to cook, and I used the stair at our kitchen landing for some improvised step aerobics. *laughs* I have a small kitchen, so it was pretty easy to exercise and still keep an eye on the stove.

Having already done the Cardio Max DVD earlier in the day, my poor thighs and bottom were aching! But, I didn't feel like I had done enough, compared to what I would have done at the gym. So, while my husband and daughter were eating, I decided to jog. I felt fine while I was moving, but once I stopped- ouch!

It is the funniest thing, having my bottom hurt so much that it kept waking me up while I was sleeping last night. I'm still moving really slow today, thanks to all of those squats, lunges, and stairs! Hey, I tell ya... my butt better look quite wonderful come spring. *chuckles*

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Biggest Loser "Cardio Max" Level 1

I did the "Cardio Max" level 1 workout this afternoon with Bob. I was going to do "Power Sculpt" with Jillian, but I was working with Comcast OnDemand because my DVD's aren't here yet. With the OnDemand, they cut the beginning warm-up from Power Sculpt, so I chose the other video instead. I'll come back and write something about the sculpting when my DVD's come in.

I'm having mixed feelings about this workout. There were some things that I liked about it, and others that I found very distracting. Throughout the workout, the previous contestants from BL were all horrifically out of time when demonstrating moves. I found that the only way to get through the video was to focus on one person who was consistent, and not bother looking at the rest.

What really surprised me was that I began to find Bob a little annoying. He was walking around and spent more time commenting on how much someone was sweating than he was in demonstrating actions and keeping a steady count on exercises. I appreciated that he pointed out the low-impact options for each exercise, and that he was encouraging. I think that is what kept me from making face at him through the tv.

All in all, the exercise was pretty good. I did sweat and my heart rate was up. I enjoyed the jumping jacks, which surprised me. With my bad knee, I don't generally jump at all. It was very freeing to know that I could do jumping jacks, and that it didn't hurt. The only difficulty that I had with this level 1 workout were the push-ups.

Now, the first problem with the push-ups is that I couldn't see what I was supposed to be doing. *laughs* My tv is mounted on the wall, and I was face-down on the floor. I tried to peek up and see, but then found that I was hopelessly behind in the exercise. I didn't really understand what I was supposed to be doing until it was practically over. Even just that short bout with the push-ups showed me how much I should work on those each day. I can't do push-ups worth crud. I had better get on that before attempting Jillian's workouts, because I think she would jump through the tv and step on my neck if I can't push through at least a couple.

All in all, this isn't a bad video. It's just not the best. I crave structure and clarity, neither of which seemed all that present here. That said, my thighs and butt are feeling happy with the workout, as there were a lot of lower body exercises. It sure beats wandering the kitchen, mindlessly looking for food to graze on. *wink*

This Week's WI

Good Morning, everybody!

I hopped up on the scale this morning, and it read 199. That's a loss of 3 lbs. for this week. :o )

I stuck to my guns and avoided that extra cup of coffee that I really wanted last night. I even got to bed somewhat early, but ended up laying awake in bed for a while. I felt pretty good when I woke up, so I'm counting it as a plus, regardless of the time spent staring at the inside of my eyelids.

After taking yesterday as a rest day, I am strainin' at the bit to get back in the gym. If at all possible, I want to get to the treadmill for cardio this evening. If they are packed, I'll make do with the upright bike. I'll sit down in a little bit to plan out what I want to do with the weights.

Alrighty, I'll talk with y'all more later. Gonna finish up my yogurt and almonds and watch a few minutes of the news.

Monday, February 2, 2009

February Goals

Since everyone is enjoying putting up a list of goals for February, I thought that I would pull on my wool hat and try my hand at it too.

I may have to modify my goals as time goes by, since I'm still trying to figure out what is going to work for my body. A few points are solid though, and won't need any tweaking, like water intake.

February Goals

  • Drink 8+ cups of plain 'ole water each day.
  • Drink no more than 2 cups of coffee, or 2 diet sodas on any given day.
  • Eat fish 1-2 times per week.
  • Eat approximately 1,500 calories on "rest" days.
  • Eat approximately 1,800 calories on workout days.
  • Try to exercise for at least 54% of the days in February.
  • Work hard to get in bed by 10:30 p.m. on weekdays.

Stats

*This is a page that is dedicated to keeping track of my numbers. It will be updated weekly and monthly.*

BMR & BMR
(calculated at 199 lbs. on 2/4/09)

The results of your calculations are: BMR 1,706 RMR 1,681

Factor: 1.2
Category: Sedentary
Definition: Little or no exercise and desk job
BMR: 2,047 RMR: 2,017

Factor: 1.375
Category: Lightly Active
Definition: Light exercise or sports 1-3 days per week
BMR: 2,346 RMR: 2,311

Factor: 1.55
Category: Moderately Active
Definition: Moderate exercise or sports 3-5 days per week
BMR: 2,644 RMR: 2,606

Factor: 1.725
Category: Very Active
Definition: Hard exercise or sports 6-7 days per week
BMR: 2,943 RMR: 2,900

Factor: 1.9
Category: Extremely Active
Definition: Hard daily exercise or sports and physical job
BMR: 3,241 RMR: 3,194

______________________________

Monthly Exercise Summary
[days per month spent in exercise]
January: 54%
February: 75%
March: -Not Logged-
April:








__________________________









BLBE WI
Starting Weight: 203 lbs.
(1) Jan. 13: 201 (-2)
(2) Jan. 20: 200.5 (-0.5)
(3) Jan. 27: 202 (+1.5)
(4) Feb. 3: 199 (-3)

(5) Feb. 10: 198 (-1)
(6) Feb. 17: 198 (0)
(7) Feb. 24: 196.5 (-1.5)
(8) Mar. 3: 196 (-.5)

(9) Mar. 10: 194.5 (-1.5)
(10)Mar. 17: 193.5 (-1)
(11)Mar. 24: 194.5 (+1)
(12)Mar. 31: 194 (-.5)

(13)Apr. 7: 195 (+1)
(14)Apr. 14: 192.5 (-2.5)
(15)Apr. 21:

End of Challenge-
April 26

Good Monday To You

*raises a cup of coffee* Cheers. I'd add an exclamation point, but it denotes a level of excitement and energy that I just don't have. I'm tired today.

I started the day off in the usual way, by stepping on the scale to find out how my body is doing. I've decided to start using my big scale, like the ones that have been so popular in doctor's offices. My husband brought me one, since one of the doctors was updating their office with digital scales, and was throwing this one out. Hey, their increase in technology is fine by me. *grins* I'm not terribly fond of my digital scale because it is so touchy about my weight being balanced just right. The older scale isn't so goofy about if I have more weight on the ball or heel of my foot. All of that, just to say that the scale wasn't mean to me today. I'm still hanging out right on the cusp of the 100's. My scale looked like it was saying 200.25 lbs. , if my eyes could read those tiny dashes right.

Ugh, I am sore. The rowing last night took the last bit of my 'umph' that I had left. I was really dragging tail as I pulled myself off the machine. When I woke up this morning, I could feel the soreness through my shoulders and chest. You just don't hear girls walking around saying that their pecs hurt though. *chuckles* I'm not in any real pain, but am dealing with fatigue and minor soreness. Because of that, I'm going to take a rest day today. Normally I would rest on Sunday, but I felt compelled to burn a few more calories because of the chicken nuggets. I'm not funny about burning off what I eat as a norm, but it just felt important. I guess I bought my lack of guilt with an extra session on the erg. I don't feel bad about having eaten what I did, because I wasn't out of control and worked hard to use it as real fuel.

I have a different game plan for today. I am going to relax and putz around with the household chores that need to get done. I need to wash my gym clothes, and might even take a short nap while the washer is running. I stayed up WAY too late last night. After 'rowing', DH and I watched a short science show on tv, because it was just too interesting to ignore. It is so pretty outside though, maybe a walk in the sunshine and brisk air will help more than a nap. We'll see. Pumpkin needs a break after she finishes math anyway.

Food is being dialed back today, since I'm not exercising as hard as I have been. I'm going to knock it back down to 1,500 calories for the day. I still need to plan out what I'm having for dinner tonight. I'm moving so darned slow today. I want to just say chicken, because we eat chicken a lot. DH grew up mainly in his grandparents' household, and they ate chicken every day because his papa has had 4 strokes and was on a restricted diet. Now, we just eat chicken because we like it and it is habit. *laughs*

My WI for the BLBE2 challenge is tomorrow. Hopefully I will have a nice, good number. I'm already down from last week, but I'd like to nudge the number down a little bit further if possible. I'm going to stay away from proccessed foods as much as I can, to try and curb my salt intake. Maybe that will help. :o )

Superbowl Exhausts Me

Chicken nuggets have been my downfall today! I tell you, there is just something about a little ball of chicken meat that is baked all crispy. Oh, how I enjoy the "boneless buffalo wings" with a little ranch. It seems completely crazy that I would pass up the pizza at the Superbowl party, yet eat the little chicken nuggets.

Today was not such a great food day for me. I did, however, try to offset as many calories as I could through exercise. I did a great job in keeping the number of calories in check before I ate those darned chicken nuggets. Since I knew approximately how many I ate, I felt pretty secure in working off that basic number of calories. That's not to say that the scale won't bite me in the morning though, as I haven't had much water today. *sigh* See? It just hasn't been a stellar day for me. I drank a huge cup of water after exercising this afternoon, but then had one glass of water and two diet sodas for the rest of the day. Blah. I hopped on the erg when I got home, and I put in another 1/2 hour of exercise in to help cover those nuggets. That makes a total of 25 miles in 1 hr. of "rowing" on the erg. Between all of that and cheering on the Steelers, I'm bushed!

I'm glad that tomorrow is a new day. Since it's already here (it's past midnight), I had better get myself in bed. I'll catch up with y'all later!