Do you ever just have those days when you feel really fat again? I guess it is just a matter of adjusting. I started out feeling happy and enthusiastic by the changes in me, but as time goes by, I'm noticing that I'm being harder on myself. Instead of saying "Yay! You lost a pound!", I'm being negative and looking at the parts of me that I feel needs so much work still.
To making things clearer to myself, I went shuffling through the closet. I have a purple dress that I had bought at the thrift store, only to find out that it was so tight that I couldn't zip it up. I put it on today, and it zipped easily. It clung a little to my lower abdomen/hips, but that is to be expected. I am a very pear-shaped woman right now. Still, the dress zipped, and it didn't look half bad!
I put on my strapless bra, only to find out that it is too loose on it's tightest size. That's a little disappointing, just because I paid so much money for it at LB. With it on, I tried on a couple of dresses. I have the dress that I bought for my aunt's wedding, but was unable to wear. I was about 5 inches away from zipping it. Today, the strapless dress tries to slip off and hang at my waist. I put on the dress that I wore for my sister's wedding, the one that I had to alter just so I could wear it. I took the zipper out and put a lace-up back in, because I wasn't able to get my baby weight off before the wedding. Now, I couldn't wear the dress, even with it laced as tight as I can get it. That one was a little sad, because I think of all the photo opportunities with my husband that turned out as less than pleasant, due to my excess weight. I wanted so much to look beautiful next to him, and regardless of how kind anyone was- I didn't feel beautiful.
I'll show you some pictures, so you can see what kind of changes I've been through. This is hard to do, let me tell ya! It's the thing that panic attacks are made of, but I think that it's important. I tried to turn a blind eye toward how horribly sad I was, and how overweight I had become.
Now, here is a daring progress picture that I put together for myself, and labeled. This is what I looked like at the beginning of the "Biggest Loser Blog Edition" challenge.
Boy, looking at swimsuit pictures is hard! Now, I've only lost 11.5 lbs. since the beginning of the challenge. I was starting to feel real bad about that, because it feels like I should be doing so much more. I see the numbers that other people are putting up, and my small numbers don't seem to be adding up to much. I took a new picture today though, and it really struck me. Now I know what 11.5 lbs. looks like.
Pardon the goofy pose in the second picture, but I still haven't figured out where to put my arm when taking side shots. It's hard for me to get that straight-on shot. You see, when I look at myself, all I can see are my pudgy hips, squishy lower abdomen, dimples, and chubby thighs. That's not fair to me though. I have worked really hard. There is obviously a lot going on with my body, because even though my numbers are small, I can see a huge difference. Even though my legs are dimpled, I have a lot of muscle underneath that fat. My abs are in good shape, and hopefully it won't be too long before I can see them better. My hips are slimming down a little at a time, and that is wonderful. I still have a lot of work to do, but that isn't a good reason for being mean to myself and only focusing on the parts that I have a hard time looking at right now.