Current Happenings

Friday, June 26, 2009

Maybe Sane!

It sounds kind of funny, but I was just sitting around and the thought popped into my head that I felt kind of sane today. Being the gal that I am, I had to laugh at myself over that just a little.

It's 3 p.m. and I don't feel nuts about food. Actually, I'm too low on the calories thus far, but I'm not fretting it. I'll eat what feels right and just leave it at that. I've got some Great Northern beans and a couple of chicken breasts in the pressure cooker right now, and they will make up the bulk of a hearty soup for tonight. It is interesting to pull out food and think about what it's affect is going to be on heating up the house, instead of fretting over whether I'm going to feel like a beached whale by 9:00 tonight. It's all good, probably because it started off well.

When I got up this morning, I had the thought that maybe I should go and step on the scale. But, then I just thought, "Hey me. I don't need to know the number on the scale to eat healthy food. I should do that all of the time, not out of some sense of panic over numbers." Granted, I wasn't freaking out anyway, but I've done that plenty enough of that over the past few months.

The scale wasn't mean to be at all. I mean, there was no magic loss of weight, but I hadn't earned anything like that either. I'm hanging at 6 lbs. higher than my lowest weight. That's not horrible, and is completely fixable. What I am noticing though is that the lack of exercise is changing my body shape. I am still working out, but not anywhere near the level that I had been. I just can't, physically speaking. I'm just not as firm as I was, and that is a bit of a disappointment. Still, there's not much to be done about it. I have yet to find a general surgeon who takes my insurance. My HMO really sucks in this regard. There are lots of doctors, but their specialties aren't specifically listed. So, everyone is listed under general surgery, even if they do vascular surgery or even bariatric surgery. It's all damned frustrating. My husband is so upset that he's talked about buying supplemental insurance to make it easier for us to see doctors that we choose, and ones that are easier to find. He's just a mite angry after all of the trouble that we had in even attempting to get that custom brace that my orthopedic surgeon said was my only chance to walk with less pain, short of having my legs broken and pinned in multiple places. Now, I'm struggling to find someone to sew my tummy so it doesn't feel like my guts will fall out. Good fun. *sigh*

Though I'm getting a little softer, I'm still doing alright. This just means that I need to have more of these 'sane' days to help move the scale in a downward progression. I'm not in a big hurry, so that works in my favor. If I could even just lose 1/2 to 1 lb. per week, that would be plenty enough for me. I'm not uncomfortable in my skin... or rather, I'm not uncomfortable with the way that I look and such. lol I just want to keep losing weight, instead of gaining.