Current Happenings

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lazy Eater

Rut Roh. I'm turning into the lazy eater of food these days. Instead of really focusing on what I need to be eating, I'm shuffling through the shelves looking for something healthy and easy to make. That's not working out so well for me. Instead, I'm sitting her blogging, instead of eating lunch.

I did real well yesterday, and I feel completely empowered to do it again today. I think that one of my problems is that I tend to back away from cooking a little bit when I am watching my food choices real close, because having too much good food around tempts me a great deal. For instance, I thought about eating a packet of this nasty "weight control" oatmeal that was in the cupboard, just because I knew that it would fill me up- but I wouldn't enjoy it all that much. I'm sure that that sounds pretty messed up.

If I enjoy myself too much, I keep eating. If the food is gone, I pace the house, wanting more. There are times when I purposefully have a day or two when I eat a completely bland diet, just because it helps me to become a sane person again. Sometimes I really feel like food is my crack. Yuck.

I like watching this show called "The Cleaner", and it deals with people who are addicted to various things. It's anything- drugs, sex, gambling, eating disorders, and the like. I watch the show and see the ways that they justify their behavior. When they can't have what they think they need, they get nutty and unstable. While I don't act the very same way, I can see little shadows of my own behavior with food in there. Ah, but I can't just stop eating. I wish it were that simple. It makes me wonder if there have been any overweight people who have just opted to bypass regular eating, choosing to have a feeding tube put in. I couldn't do such a thing, but the idea of not putting food in my mouth sounds helpful.

Well, I guess I had better go and find something good to put in me. I just ate vegetables before running out of the house this morning, so I need something more substantial now.


Brooke said...

Hey! I've been missing you.

I totally hear you on the whole addiction thing.

"My name is Brooke and I'm a food addict."

I can go for days and do great - eat well exercise - and then something snaps. All of a sudden there's food screaming my name - it becomes something totally real and actually convinces me to stop caring and just eat whatever. Then after I come off my food hangover, I think - what the heck just happened? Why did I do that? I just thwarted my own progress - and for what? FOOD!!

I'm telling you - this hasn't gotten any easier for me even after losing 75 lbs. What the heck.

Anyway, it's good to read your posts - like I said, I've missed you.

Ida said...

I hear you. I have much the same problem.
"My name is Ida and I'm a food addict."
Sounds a little strange, but it is so true. I was able to quit smoking by not being around cigarettes, not going the places or doing the things I did when I smoked. Unfortunately, I can't do that with food. I can stay away from certain types of food. But a person has to eat. I can over do it on the healthiest of food.
Just when I think things are getting better, BOOM! Along comes a binge and blindsides me. grrrr
So, you are not alone in this. Together we can make it. Hang in there, kiddo