In Pursuit

Merging Blogs

2011-07-19T20:09:00.000-04:00

Howdy!

Being that I am just a wee bit busy with trying to keep up the house and take care of all the kiddos, I am going to just write about my fitness issues over on my usual family blog. It's too much to do, trying to remember to separate things and come over here to write, when I am already over there, blabbing about my daily happenings.

Come on over!

The Smiling House

2011-01-08T11:18:00.005-05:00

❶ (recap) Yesterday was a good day, for a first day. None of it seemed difficult, except maybe when I was in the middle of my exercise. It is hard to believe that it wasn't so very long ago that I had been running and lifting weights consistently. What a difference months of bedrest and birthing make! Wow. I feel as weak as a newborn kitten. The eating went well though.

By the end of the day, I was a little surprised to find that it wasn't difficult for me to have gotten through the day without junk food. I am thinking that my problem these days is that I become so busy with what I am doing that I get too hungry, and then I just grab whatever is close and easy. If I put healthy foods nearby, I don't think that it will be a problem to cut most of the junk out of my diet.

I was a little low on my calories yesterday. I was shooting for 1,600 and only came in at 1,276. It's not *bad*, but it also wasn't what I was hoping to accomplish. I'm sure that it will all work out in the average of calories for the week though.

Goodness, I am sore. My hips, thighs, and bottom are very stiff. I'm glad that I decided to start out with exercising every other day, for the first couple of weeks. It feels strange to be so physically tired after such a small amount of exercise. Today, I will rest, and then I think that I'll give "Just Dance 2" another try tomorrow.

Here I go again on my own....

2011-01-07T14:06:00.004-05:00

Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking, and not about New Year resolutions or anything. Actually, what has been on my mind has a lot to do with my husband. There are some disappointing things that come along with all the body changes that go along with carrying twins. Yeah, my skin looks funky, but I can deal. There are other areas of concern that I can't so easily make peace with though. They need some work. Some things I can "fix", and some that I can't. I just want to do what I can, and see what happens.

Anyway, today is Day 1. I am shooting for around 1,600 calories and around 30 minutes of exercise each day. Sure, it's not much. Still, I've got to start slow and get some "winning" days under my imaginary belt. I also need to try and get parts of me used to movement that aren't currently used to being utilized. My first goal is a loss of 29.5 lbs. that I am going to try and get off by May 13th. If I can shed it faster, that will be cool. If not, it works out to roughly 1.64 lbs. per week. That is completely "do-able". By then, the weather will be much nicer, and the boys will be 10 months old and perfectly able to take trips in the stroller for a while. It will also be much easier to set the boys up with a snack, and leave them with their father while I go to the gym. So, this is where I will start. By the end, I will be much happier, mobile, and even able to run again if I choose. I'm sad to say that nearly 30 lbs. is a 'start', but I know how hard it is for me to break through my "barrier weight", where my body doesn't seem to want to easily go down any more without seriously tough work. That is when I have to get down to brass tacks.

Wow. What A Year Brings...

2010-12-07T21:47:00.003-05:00

It is hard to believe that it has basically been a year since I have been here to post. A year since I have done anything particularly physical for myself. Can I say that it shows? lol

I am so happy to now have my beautiful baby boys. Goodness. It was awful, wondering everyday if we were going to get to keep them, or if we were going to lose them like we did our other two sons. Through great intervention, and even more prayer, we've all managed to make it through- by the grace of God.

For those whom I haven't talked to in a long while- wanna see my boys? :)

Bobby and Will are 4 months old now, and growing like weeds. They certainly keep me busy, and more than a little sleep-deprived. It is all fun though.

Of course, the difficult thing now is that.. I look like I've had twins. Hmmm... there is the possibility that I might *still* look like I'm having twins. I am trying to be positive about everything, but it's not like I am so exhausted that I'm delusional about the size of my hips.... nor the cookies and Hershey kisses that I've been eating. D'oh! :)

It's time to get back into "therapy". It's really not about the weight or shape, but more about the fact that being on bedrest for months and carrying around 14 lbs. of baby (not to mention the rest) has wreaked my body. I've lost any real stability in my hips, which throws my lower back out of alignment. So, I have to do exercises that will help strengthen my legs and all of the muscles that help to stabilize my mid to lower body parts. Doc thinks that I should take some good supplements to help my ligaments recover and heal. We will see. I've never been great with figuring out what I should be taking, since so many vitamins and minerals need to be paired with other things. It makes my head spin.

For as much as I'd love to lose some weight, I think that "physical therapy" is going to be my main goal. This is how I viewed things when I first started changing my body, a couple years ago. It started with a painfully arthritic knee, threats of a special (and painful) brace, and a small lie of about 8 lbs. . I'm going to just do the same thing that I started with then- get strong. I didn't worry about the food at first. While it isn't that productive for losing pounds, it did help get me stronger. It all kind of built momentum, and then the food thing fell into place. Besides, I know what is attainable for me right now, and any real meal planning and logging of calories is not something that I can manage while taking care of the boys at this stage.

That Scary Scale

2010-01-25T16:43:00.004-05:00

I never thought that I had a bad relationship with the scale, until now. I've learned over the past couple of months that the scale and I are not friends, at least not right now. Originally, I thought that we were alright, because I would step on the scale every morning, and it didn't make a wreak out of me. I just liked to see if I was trending up or down, so I could catch it before I was surprised with a 15 lb. gain.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it on here or not. I'm thinking that I forgot to share that I am pregnant- with twins. I've got two babies in there, and I had already been freaked out by the idea of gaining weight. After losing quite a chunk of weight, it was intimidating to know that I HAD to gain some weight. Now, I'm looking at gaining substantially more, because there is twice the baby and all that comes with it. Goodness.

So, I wonder if it makes me a little petty to be freaking out so much about the scale. I stepped on today, and it looks like I've gained 7 lbs. so far. I am nearly out of my first trimester, so I guess that's not horrible for all of the fluid retention and hoo-ha. Seriously though, I look like I'm 5 or 6 months pregnant already. Everything I read seems to point toward nearly a 50 lb. gain through this journey, and a belly big enough to house a baby elephant. Panic. Just a little.

It is very shocking to me that I have to eat so much every day. There is the caloric need that I have to maintain my own weight, and then an added 600 calories for the babies. I haven't gained a lot of weight. I'm just shocked, because if I ate like this any other time, I would have gained 20 lbs. by now! All I do is eat or sleep, usually in that order. Some might think that that sounds wonderful, but it intimidates me. It is such a crazy thing to hope that the babies keep me occupied enough after birth that I don't still eat so much once they are here. I just don't want this to be a habit that sticks, and then gives me an even greater battle to get the weight off.

Hello Stretchy Pants

2009-12-21T10:35:00.003-05:00

Oh, how I hate stretchy pants. Seriously.

I worked so hard to get OUT of stretchy pants and into some jeans that look damned good, and not I'm digging through my bottom drawer trying to find some. Oh yeah, I threw almost everything out, save for a couple of pair that I used for PJ pants. I remember hearing over and over about how you shouldn't keep your chubbster clothes around, unless you wanted to fit into them again. Maybe I've been cursed by that pair of stretchies, hiding in the bottom of that drawer.

*laughs*

It's my own fault. I wish that I could get a handle on this healthy eating thing, but right now it is eluding me completely. For a few weeks now, I've been so horrifically tired that cooking has been the absolute last thing on my mind. That doesn't mean that eating hasn't been on my mind though. Apparently, I like to eat when I'm awake. A lot. I've been trying to curb that, but I think that it is the hormones that are making me nuts. I've got mad munchies, can't seem to stay awake for more than 30 minutes at a time, and cry over every blessed thing. All this proves to me is that babies are master manipulators of mommy, even when they are only the size of a bean. I'd laugh about it, but then I'd probably just break out in hysterical crazy crying again... like when I heard that song on the radio this morning.....

I think that I know where my extra weight has gone. Ten pounds have settled around my abdomen/hip area, because that's just fun. It's just enough to make my jeans press against that scar from my hernia repair, and that hurts me. So, while I'm not THAT pregnant, I'm walking around in stretchy pants and sweats to avoid the pain. I'm thinking that that scar tissue might be a rather big problem for me as I become more rotund. Round. Spherical. Oompa-Loompa-ish. (Hopefully I don't turn orange. lol)

Now, the other ten pounds has landed squarely in my breasts. Yeah, it's like squeezing a 5 lb. bag of sugar into each poor boob. My husband keeps wiggling his eyebrows at me, but I am in PAIN! Shnikes. These are seriously angry boobs. I think they may try to strangle me in my sleep. My doc usually checks these things for lumps during our first full examination, but I'm thinking that I might ask for a reprieve tomorrow. Maybe he will grant me this small kindness. I feel them all the time. There are no lumps, and they work just fine. They also look as though they could feed a baby elephant, so pushing around on them sounds like a bad idea.

I was reading the other day that this medical study suggested that women of my rubenesque nature might be better off gaining little to no weight during pregnancy. It makes me laugh, really, imagining how I can be duct-taped to my recliner, fed by my husband, and not gain weight. As soon as I hit that 2nd trimester mark, my husband plans on taking over all of my household duties and nagging me into continual rest. To his way of thinking, it helped us get out daughter, and it might help delay any degradation of blood clots that may or may not form. He's of the mind that moving and shifting around a lot might disturb areas of the placenta that might be tenuously holding on. That means that I have a month and a half before he starts putting me on lockdown.

If anyone has any ideas on how we can possibly get some vegetables and healthy foods into me, instead of pizza and tacos, I am all ears! My husband works real hard during the day, and he also has very little experience with cooking. So, he is all about convenience food when I cannot provide for him. If I'm a good girl, he may let me be in the kitchen if I promise to stay in my rollie-chair and not be getting up. Help?

My Interesting Hiatus

2009-12-18T07:42:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to let all of you know that I haven't just dropped off the face of the earth and abandoned my blog. :o )

I found out a little while ago that I am pregnant, and that changes the whole game for me. Sure, I should have been here, blogging food and trying to be a responsible pregnant woman who doesn't want to gain 60 lbs. of fat while growing a little baby. But, I just haven't gotten myself there yet. This is a lot of drama for us already.

I have a blood-clotting disorder, so this is a high-risk pregnancy for me. I'll be taking heparin injections every day, in addition to the asprin that I already take. As I reach my second trimester, I will be moving to a modified bedrest. Depending on how things go, I might end up completely bedridden for a while, trying to stay pregnant long enough for this baby to live. So, nutrition is going to be a tricky thing, because my husband will take over cooking in a few short weeks.

What an adventure!

Bwaaaaa...

2009-11-17T07:33:00.003-05:00

My knees are sore. I was feeling pretty good yesterday afternoon, but as the evening wore on, I started noticing more pain. I'm not sure if I am going to take a little Tylenol and keep going, or if I am going to change things up and do something different. Whatever I'm doing, I had better hurry up and figure it out before I have to leave. *yawn*

I'm leaning toward sucking it up and jogging again, maybe just keeping it at the slowest lope that I can manage. If I can't do it, and I'm in too much discomfort, there is always the elliptical to get my heart pumping fast.

Run #1

2009-11-16T10:29:00.003-05:00

I am SO slow. *laughs* It's a big frustrating for me that other people walk as fast as I jog. I guess the only option is just to get better, if I want to stop feeling sheepish about it.

I went to the manly gym this morning, because they have sturdier treadmills, and it is closer to my house. Ok, it's not like I'm afraid the treadmill is going to break, but there is something to be said for not feeling it shake under me. Nothing makes this big girl feel even bigger like the feeling that the treadmill under my feet might give up the good fight, and it would be all my fault. :o )

Let me get these numbers up here, before I chicken out.
1 mile- 13:27 minutes
20 minute mark- 1.56 miles
Average pace: 4.7 mph

I could have run the first mile a bit faster I think, probably around 11:30 to 12 minutes. However, I knew that I wanted to survive the whole 20 minutes, so I tried to keep a steady 5 mph jog. There became a point though, where I just had to walk for a few minutes. I haven't run in such a long time, way back when I hurt my foot. It feels like my body has just forgotten how to do it. At first, my breathing was alright, and I felt like I was going strong. Then, my tender lungs started to ache a bit, and that began to take my head right out of things. I started coughing a little bit, and then there was no choice but to walk a while.

When I felt like I had gotten a handle on my breathing again, I bumped up the speed. Even though I was tired and huffing and puffing, I put the speed up to 6.5 mph for the last minute. I had thought to try that for 2 minutes, and I'm glad that I didn't. As it is, I barely made it for that one minute before my lung function started to affect my head. As I hit the stop button, I thought it would be a very good idea to sit down for a minute. So, I had to grab some wall and crouch for a few seconds while I caught my breath. I put my numbers into my cell phone, and by the time I was done, I felt able to get the sterilization spray and paper towel to clean the machine down with.

It feels good to have done something. It feels good to know that I pushed myself. It just doesn't feel good to see how little it took to make me feel bad. I know that I will get better over time, particularly after I start truly feeling well again. That is what I'm trying to focus on.

Back To The Treadmill

2009-11-15T21:59:00.006-05:00

Well, I think that I'm feeling well enough now that I can get my rear end back to the gym. I'm still coughing a bit, but it's not too bad. I want to start working on my running stamina, so I'll be spending more time on the treadmill for a while.

For this week, I'm going to focus mainly on running, with a side of weight training. My plan is to keep up a light weight training schedule that focuses on large muscles. I need to give my abs a break, but I don't want to turn into complete mush either. So, I'm going to just do enough so that I don't look like Jello. Running feels great, but it still isn't pretty to have more slender arms that still flop around like big arms. *laughs*

I'm not a great runner. Really, I've never been real great on the run. I move forward, but not with any real measure of grace- and that is probably why I'm not very fast. I read that being quick is a matter of efficiency, and that's where I suck. For as much as I stink at it, I do like running. It helps me to feel like I'm accomplishing *something*.

Blobs and Vanilla Wafers

2009-11-12T09:12:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I wasn't feeling too 'food crazy', and I stayed active all day. My caloric intake for the day was 1,547 calories, thanks to some vanilla wafers that jumped me before bed. *chuckles* Ok, that was my fault. I stayed up past my bedtime, watching a movie. I just wanted a little something to nibble on, so I didn't feel like I had an empty pit for a stomach. Next time, I should grab a cheese stick or something. On the plus side though, I'm not going to eat a whole box of cookies in my sleep, so at least the treat stops with one serving.

It was nice to get on the erg and row for a little while. After my 20 minutes were up, I probably could have gone for longer, but my lungs were feeling very tender after all of that cold air. Yeah, I just LOVE influenza. Bleck. At least I was able to breathe reasonably well and still move. It felt real good.

My husband wanted something simple for dinner, so we had egg salad sandwiches with pretzels. What I liked best about dinner was that I didn't have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and paper plates. I used my cute little egg slicer for the first time, and I think it's groovy. It made everything much faster to throw together.

Oo! Ooo! We got to try out our new toaster last night! We've had the same beaten down toaster since we got married, but Mike talked me into getting a new one, because he said that some elements had melted together. Of course, he complained about the one that I picked, because it is black and silver. I called him while I was at the store, and specifically asked him if he had a preference on the color. *laughs* He only cares after I buy something, apparently. Anyway, it is quite wonderful in it's ability to toast nearly anything. Mike was actually laughing and carrying on about how beautifully even the toasting was. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious.

Today is going to be a much more relaxed day. Frankly, I'm tired. Sometimes being a woman is just a wearying thing, and that time just happens to be now. *grins* So, I didn't hit the gym, or any such thing like that today. Instead, I've come back home to take care of my animals, and be kind to myself. I'm halfway through a cup of coffee, and I'll finish it while reading a book. Then, I am going to take myself a nap. Ha! Sorry, it makes me want to laugh, just thinking about the luxury of sleeping when I want to. Sometimes I think that this waking up at 5 a.m. and going to bed at midnight is going to turn me into an unrecognizable goo. Maybe even Bob. You know, it's because THAT is so attractive. lol

A Walk In The Park

2009-11-11T10:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, it was a very COLD walk in the park. *laughs* After dropping my daughter off at school, I drove a little further down the road to the pretty little park. It is a circular park, and there is always someone out there walking a dog or rollerblading.

This morning, I decided to walk around the mile long loop of the park. I had thought that maybe I would get in a couple of miles, but the bitter cold air coming off the river was just too much for my tender lungs and sinus tissues. So, while I didn't walk very far, it was much more enjoyable thank walking on a treadmill. I'm not sure that shivering from cold and having frozen muscles does a whole lot to improve one's fitness, so I plan on rowing on my ergometer for a little while later.

My craziness that I noted yesterday is still actively weird. I'm feeling more "normal" right now, and when I stepped on the scale this morning, it showed a substantial drop. At least it is good to know that I'm not continuing to swell up like an overfilled water balloon. I don't usually step on the scale so often, but I would like to know what is going on with me over the next few days. It's a curiosity thing. When I'm feeling weird, it helps to add the numbers to my log, just to see the pattern of goofiness with my body. Over time, it helps me to keep a level head and not get freaked out if I see a sudden jump on the scale.

Well, it's time to get my behind out of this chair so I can go and do something productive. Have a great day!

Well, It's a Gain

2009-11-10T18:48:00.004-05:00

I remember saying, just a day or two ago that I was looking forward to a loss the next time that I stepped on the scale. But, out of the blue, I've been gifted with a 1.5 lb. gain for no explainable reason.

My body is being weird right now. My period isn't due until next week, but I've been crampy and feeling uncomfortable. Yesterday, I was singing along with a song on the radio, and just spontaneously burst into tears. I'm not talking about damp eyelashes either. I'm talking about rivers running down my face, all for no good reason. Then of course, there was the grouchiness with my husband and child, also for no good reason. I'm not normally this funky, and certainly not this far out. It makes me wonder if my timing is just goofed up. All I DO know is that I'm craving sugar like mad.

Liftin' In The Basement

2009-11-07T22:13:00.003-05:00

Hey, I managed to talk my husband into spotting me tonight! I was cleaning and organizing our weights, and decided that I wanted to get my muscles moving a bit. I'm just tired of doing nothing.

Before I started with the weights, I walked up and down my basement stairs 25 times. It's amazing, how difficult that is with reduced lung function. I was huffing and puffing, and sweating my myself silly over those 275 stairs. Yeah, there is something to be said for doing this stuff while well.

The little bit of weight lifting seemed much easier, since my breathing wasn't as labored. Since I needed DH to watch over me, I twisted his arm a little bit and got him to exercise just a little bit with me. I wish that he was happier to exercise with me. It's hard to always be doing everything by myself.

Like I Really Need TWO Lungs...

2009-11-07T13:37:00.004-05:00

Ha! *cough, cough*

I'm really enjoying how refreshed I feel after a nice, long shower and some cinnamon flavored toothpaste.

This has been a really awkward week, with sickness running through the household. Only the boys have been feeling well, and eating normally. Of course, with me not feeling so well, things have fallen all apart in the kitchen. It has been convenience food to the extreme. My sister made some fish sticks with mac & cheese last night. So, I've been expecting to see some pretty crazy things with the scale. I stepped on it today though, and it wasn't so bad. I'm actually down from my last weigh-in weight, if only by a little bit.

Judging by the intensity of my hacking cough, I think that I should be able to get back in the gym by the middle of the week, or maybe the end of it. I'll just take it slowly and try some movement, more than walking from the recliner in the living room to my bed. lol

Flu Hurts

2009-11-06T06:13:00.003-05:00

Well, after nursing my sick child for days, I now have the flu also. Blah. At least it seems to be mild right now. My lungs ache real bad, and my body hurts in ways that I didn't think were really possible. I feel like maybe Jillian Michaels came over and whooped my donkey while I was sleeping, and all that is left is the pain to give it away. I can't even close my hands all the way. I should at least have some gorgeous muscles, in order to experience so much stiffness and discomfort.

I'm pretty disappointed, because I knew that I had to take a week away from the gym to let my abdomen 'rest'. I had pulled the muscle a bit while exercising, and the last thing that I want is to tear that open again. It really sucked to do it the first time! So, now that my belly feel well enough to get back in the gym, I'm sick. It's a mite frustrating. I feel like I'm going to turn to Jello before I can get my behind back in the gym. The only real positive thing is that it's giving my tattoo some time to heal, so hopefully I can get back in the pool by the time that I feel better.

So long as I can breathe alright, and my lungs don't try to pop out of my chest, I think that I will try hiking the basement stairs a little bit today. I'm going to do it slowly and carefully, and some of it is even necessary. lol I need to wash my daughter's clothes, as her hamper has been neglected and is now trying to take over her room. I just want to spend a few minutes getting my largest muscles doing some activity. I'm also going to continue with the deep-breathing exercises that I began last night. Hopefully it will help me to oxygenate my blood as much as possible.

I fell into a burning... bag of candy. It went down, down, down....

2009-11-04T12:18:00.004-05:00

Man, I have had a bad couple of days. It really has nothing to do with Halloween, and everything to do with being stressed and not getting good sleep. Put those two things together, and I go carb crazy.

My 8 year old daughter has the flu right now, and I've spent the past couple of days doing serious battle with her fever. I've had to take her temperature every hour or two, and alternate medications to keep it even a low-grade fever. So, even with medicine, I'm just working to keep her around 101* or so. Add in the nasty cough, congestion, headache, and body aches, and I've got my hands full in trying to keep her comfortable.

I ate a bunch of candy yesterday, which is a big no-no. There was a candy bag sitting on the table next to me, and Pumpkin asked me if she could have a small sucker. Since it seemed like it would help her salivate and sooth her throat, I gave her one. I also gave myself one. From that point on, I might as well have just tied the bag onto my face, like I were a carriage horse. I sat in my chair, with my daughter curled up in my lap, and I nibbled on little sugary treats (dum-dums, Skittles, Laffy Taffy, etc.) while we watched a movie.

Then, of course, I popped on here to see how everyone else is doing, and I realized that I had completely missed my weigh-in. Gwar. I guess I'll just wait until the next one is due, and post then. If I don't get my act together though, it won't be any better than what I'd have now, with my bloated sugar-crazy self. Nasty.

Alrighty, I'm done beating myself up for today. lol I have to go and make some lunch for Pumpkin. Hopefully she will be able to eat. If not, I guess I'll have to make her another "milkshake".

Because You Asked

2009-10-31T11:51:00.004-04:00

"Michael Lee" is my husband. I love the delicate beauty of the single rose, complete with the thorns. Life and love aren't without their own difficulties, but those just serve as a reminder of how beautiful it is to have someone to walk hand-in-hand with during the tough times. I chose a black and grey tattoo because I wanted a portrait of a rose, and not the classic rose tattoo. That was just too "cartoony" for me. I also wanted to have a tattoo that is large enough to look crisp and clear, and not look like a blob over time.

Road Food. Bleck.

2009-10-30T22:55:00.004-04:00

I was doing pretty well today, at least for a weird day. It all started with a bowl of Frankenberry cereal this morning. I don't normally eat cereal in the morning, but it's hard to not eat a little foo-foo Halloween cereal once a year. lol

I had a late lunch, because I was busy with grocery shopping and dealing with school stuff. So, once I was able to stop running, I hurriedly grabbed a Healthy Choice meal while I had a chance. It was ok. I wasn't in the mood for it, but I was crunched for time and had a lot to do. I did try something new right before I left with my husband for a 5 hour trip. I tried some Chobani Greek yogurt, and realized that it probably isn't going to be for me. I threw in a few raisins and a wee bit of almond slices. Still, I had to mix in a little water to thin it out, because I just couldn't get the stuff down. It was just too thick.

While on the road, my husband and I snacked on a few Cheetos. We shared, and didn't have too many. It was just hard trying to get through the evening, hungry and under the stress of driving through heavy traffic in crappy weather. Before starting home, we pulled in at McDonald's to use the bathroom and grab something to eat. I chose a Crispy Chicken Ranch BLT, that ended up just being a chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato. I did splurge though, and we got a chocolate milkshake. I ate all of the sandwich, though I shouldn't have. I knew about halfway through that I was done. I don't know why I kept eating it. I only ate a few fries and gave the rest to my husband. I had probably about 1/3 of the milkshake. Mike had another 1/3, and the rest is melting into foamy ick in the cup holder in the car. *laughs*

Yeah, my evening food pretty much sucked. I wish that I could say that I felt bad about it, but I think that I'm too tired to manage it. :o ) I have been so wiped out lately. I don't know what is going on with me. I am so tired lately. I wake up tired. Sometimes I even take a nap, because I can't keep my eyes open. Then, I'm ready to drop around 8:30 pm or so. It's ridiculous. My husband gets up incredibly early on Fridays, so that means that I'm awake too. So, I've been up all day and busy, and then spent 5 hours sitting in the car and diligently playing navigator while being afraid we were going to slide off the wet road. Oy. I'm just too tired to give a hoot about anything other than finding my pillow. *yawns*

I'm glad that tomorrow is going to be an easier day. I don't have a lot going on, and I can putter away the morning, chopping veggies and relaxing. I'm going to try eating eggplant again. I didn't like it last time, because it was so chewy. I think that cutting it up into smaller pieces will help, or at least that is what I'm hoping. I found some awesome beef & chicken bullion powders that have incredibly low sodium, so I can make some small servings of gravy to put over my meats if I want. Then again, I could just have some soup that doesn't make me blow up like a puffer fish. I'll try to show you some of my goodies that I picked up when I get online tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to go find that elusive pillow. Here is my parting thought....

Happy Anniversary to Us!

2009-10-29T12:54:00.006-04:00

Last night, my husband and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. Of course, we started in typical form, with him calling me as I was headed home from school, telling me that he was going to be a couple hours late from work. I was a mite annoyed, particularly because I had eaten so sparingly throughout the day, knowing that we were going out for dinner. Then, I come to find him sitting in his favorite chair, grinning at me. He just loves to pull my leg and aggravate me. Apparently, that is how he shows me that he loves me. *laughs*

I love what exercising and being in better shape gets me. I was able to spend the entire evening in a ridiculously high pair of high-heeled boots. They were just so gorgeous and sexy, and it felt great to strut around in a little skirt and tall, sexy boots. (I did shop for a more classy dress, but then it struck me that my husband just isn't that kind of guy. *LMBO*) Anyway, it was wonderful to make it through the whole night without having to slip my shoes off, because heels usually destroy my knees and feet.

For dinner, we went to the Olive Garden. We very rarely ever eat out anywhere, and the commercials for their pasta have just been taunting me for months. So, that is where my husband took me! We skipped the appetizers and just had drinks and a salad. I did splurge though, and ordered a strawberry daiquiri. I'm not really a drinker, but that was so nice. When our dinners arrived, I found that my drink was very cool and cleansing. Unfortunately, that may have contributed to my having eaten so much of it!! Heehee...

My meal was the mezzaluna ravioli with sausage that I kept drooling over on the tv. I thought about getting the shrimp, but I'm just not a seafood gal. (I'm just turned off to it, since I have a mild allergy to some shellfish.) I left about 95% of the sausage on the plate, but I sure did eat those little cheese-filled raviolis. Oh yum. Seriously. I felt like sighing every time one of those pretty little ravioli gave up their cheese filling. The tomato alfredo sauce was absolutely wonderful. Can you tell that I eat a lot of plain chicken?? *chuckles*

Oh goodness, I'm sure that I took a huge calorie hit last night. I can't bring myself to caring about it though. Sure, I'll pay on the scale, but everything has a price. I'm willing to work a little harder now, to balance out the splurge.

After dinner, we went to the theater and watched "Couples Retreat". Being the rather 'off color' people that we are, we thought it was pretty funny. It was nice to watch a movie that was about married people, and even better that it was about married people rediscovering what it is that they love about each other. I think that my husband nearly turned purple, he was laughing so hard, when the "be the ass" scene came up at the end of the movie. Don't we all want to be hardworking, stubborn, immovable creatures when it comes to our grasp on our love? *laughs* Gotta love a man who says, "I'll be the best ass for you". *LMBO*

It's hard to believe that it's been 9 years already! Then again, time is a funny thing. It seems like just yesterday that he was sitting with me at the library, distracting me from my algebra with his long hair, chocolate colored eyes, and big black boots. His hair is shorter these days, thanks to the expectations that come with being a professional. Still, he looks at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, and he makes my heart melt.

Here we go, workin' on pinning down our first decade....

Food!!

2009-10-26T22:54:00.005-04:00

Food was alright today. I didn't get enough veggies in, but I have been doing a ton of laundry today. That generally means that I grab whatever is easiest to eat, and that has been things like oatmeal.

This morning, I actually burned my oatmeal. I had never done that before! So, I had my cup of coffee, and whatever oatmeal wasn't stuck to the bottom of the pan. Lunch was a yummy ham sandwich. I almost caved and ate potato chips, but I stopped myself at the last moment and decided that they would be counterproductive to what I wanted. Instead of eating more, I just did more laundry. Bwaaaa..... Laundry. (Have I mentioned that I'm tired?)

Dinner was a Smart Ones lasagna and two servings of "California blend" vegetables that I lightly seared on the stove top. I had chicken that I could have eaten instead, but everyone else was having spaghetti, so I wanted to have something with noodles and sauce.

For a snack this evening, I made some chocolate oats. Even though I added a tablespoon of margarine to my oatmeal, I still only made it up to 1,041 calories today. It's just not happening today. I'm done, and ready for bed. So, I'm low and too tired to bother with it.

I didn't exercise today, and that is a good thing. The household chores helped me to keep my sanity, because I would have been pacing and making grumpy eyebrows at myself for not exercising. I just feel driven to exercise every day, but I have GOT to let my abs rest. I definitely don't want to end up with another hernia, but I could wind up there if I don't watch what I'm doing. My abdominal wall has been through so much crud, it is so very fragile now. I've got so much scar tissue that sometimes I get a little freaked out about it. I can't even clean my belly button normally any more. Instead, I have to use peroxide and a q-tip to clean out the tiny little hole, because the scar tissue has pulled my belly button so tight. Poor little belly button. It makes me sad. Anyway, all of the scar tissue is a concern, because I don't want the other tissues of my abdomen to give way when the scar tissue doesn't move and stretch. Supposedly, hernias don't hurt all that much. That hasn't been my experience. I wonder why it doesn't hurt other people when their muscles tear...

Anyway, I won't be exercising tomorrow either. Well, not exactly. I think that what I'm going to do is drop my daughter off at school, and then go walk around the mall. That will keep me away from the kitchen, keep me moving, but also keep me from the temptation of the gym. I just can't be around the weights and machines without salivating over them. I can take my MP3 player to the mall though, and just walk around. I like to window shop, so it's all good.

Ha! D'oh.

2009-10-26T13:05:00.004-04:00

I feel a little... sheepish. You see, I knew yesterday that I had a weigh-in this morning. Still, I ate yummy, salty foods. When am I going to learn? Ok, obviously not yesterday. *laughs*

I might be tempted to feel frustrated, if I thought that my numbers are a true reflection of the effort that I've put forth this week. I'm only a half pound down this morning, but my waistline is looking pretty gnarly. It's sweetness, really.

It's going to be hard staying still this week. I'm geeked to get into the gym and get some work done. My abs are feeling a little better today, and hopefully I'll just continue to improve over the next few days.

Light Week

2009-10-25T12:44:00.003-04:00

This week, I'm going to have to take it easy. I'm feeling a bit of discomfort in my abdomen, and I don't want to hurt myself. So, I've got to back things off and take it easy. Since I want to start working on the Body for Life 12 week program, that will give me some time to get organized and work out my food choices, along with the exercises that I can safely do.

I went to the book store this morning, and I got a blank journal to log my workouts and foods. If it seems like it will be helpful, I will post my experiences and results here on my blog also.

One of my first orders of business will be "before" pics, so I can better see any differences. Numbers don't mean a lot to me, not since before my injury, when I lost only 11 lbs. but my body composition changed so dramatically. I hate to feel like I am starting all over again, but I'm sure that it will all work out well so long as I pay attention to what my body is telling me.

My only concern is that I'm not supposed to be measuring my food in the same way that I'm used to. That actually has me a little .... scared. That seems more than a little stupid, but I guess I worry that I'll end up accidentally eating too much, and end up with negative results. Then again, with the weight training, it's not as though it would be a true negative. At least I would still be getting stronger, even if it took me a little longer to burn off the extra fat as I try to acclimate.

All in all, I'm rather excited by the prospect.

Loggin da Munchies for Thursday

2009-10-22T20:04:00.003-04:00

Thursday, Oct. 22th
--Breakfast--
1 packet oatmeal

--Mid-Morning Meal--
1 small ham sandwich on light bread
w/ mustard & lettuce
4.5 oz. boiled cabbage
4 oz. green pepper
5.5 oz. raw cucumber

--Afternoon Eats--
1 c. Coffee
1 med. banana

--Dinner--
4 oz. (raw weight) salmon
4 oz. mashed sweetpotato
6 oz. mixed vegetables

--"Dessert"--
1 c. Coffee
Pure Protein bar

--Snack--
1 med. Apple w/
2 T peanut butter &
peanut butter morsels

1,437 Calories

Loggin da Munchies for Wednesday

2009-10-22T07:33:00.005-04:00

Wednesday, Oct. 21th
--Breakfast--
1 packet oatmeal
1 c. Coffee

1 Special K Protein bar (post-workout)

--Lunch--
1 egg on light toast
1 c. Coffee

--Dinner--
1 General Tso chicken bowl w/
3 oz. corn

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOO!!
1 light cupcake w/ 1 T. light frosting
1/2 c. SF ice cream

--Snack--
1 Pure Protein bar

1,347 Calories

---------------------------------------------------
Wholly Cow!! That wee little cupcake and 1/2 c. of SF ice cream just about made my head pop off. At least the servings were small. I would have had to throw some away if there had been any more.

It will feel good to start this new day now, and NOT have all of the running around to do. Yesterday (Wednesday), was a day full of grocery shopping. We've made a concerted effort to restock the pantry, and it's been rather exhausting. I'm surprised that I let it become so diminished, but I've just had my head stuck in the right here, right now.

Well, the gym is calling. I focused on lower body yesterday, so I'm going to hit the weights kind of hard today for my upper body. I still haven't decided whether it is the treadmill or elliptical for my cardio today. I'd like to get back in the pool, but I can't do that until my tattoo heals. At least it isn't so sore today, so I was able to put a t-shirt over it. That makes it possible for me to lay on the weight bench and such, without worrying about pressing my unhealed skin against something that has seen a million sweaty behinds.

Oh, and I just had to put Jesse on here. It's a Jesse kind of day. *laughs*

Loggin da Munchies for Tuesday

2009-10-21T18:13:00.001-04:00

Tuesday, Oct. 20th
--Breakfast--
1 packet of oatmeal
1 Special K protein bar

--Snack--
1 Special K Protein bar (tattoo shop!!)
1 slice Cinnamon bread

--Dinner--
Healthy Choice Grilled Chicken Meal
1 c. Coffee

--Snack--
1 "Pure Protein" bar
1 String Cheese

1,135 Calories

Food & Tattoo

2009-10-20T19:52:00.004-04:00

My food has been thrown off a bit today, because I took a trip to the tattoo parlor this afternoon.

I knew that I was going to need something to help me get through my first tattoo, so I brought a protein bar along with me. I didn't want to do anything embarrassing, like passing out or anything. *laughs*

Once I got home, I had enough time to get some help covering up my ink, so I could put my jacket on. Then I left to get my daughter from school, which means that I was running on empty and in need of something. I grabbed a slice of cinnamon coffee cake and ran out the door. It wasn't the most nutritious, but I didn't know what else to do. It was either a wee bit of sweetness, or an insane run through the drive-thru.

My sister went out to the store, and when she came home, she brought some frozen dinners with her- one for each of us. I chose the grilled BBQ chicken, and it was surprisingly yummy. All in all, I haven't had the most wonderful food choices today, but I've done the best that I was able, and I managed to avoid the strawberry milkshake that was calling my name.

Loggin da Munchies for Monday

2009-10-20T19:50:00.001-04:00

Monday, Oct. 19th
--Breakfast--
1 packet of oatmeal
1 Special K protein bar

--Lunch--
3 1/2 oz. (raw weight) salmon
3 oz. yellow squash
3.5 oz. zucchini

--Snack--
1 Stick String Cheese
1 packet of oatmeal

--Dinner--
"Smart Ones" Lasagna
4 oz. yellow squash
4 oz. zucchini
1 c. Coffee

--Snacks--
7 oz. raw cucumber
1 c. coffee
1 med. apple w/ peanut butter & morsels

1,576 Calories

Weigh In

2009-10-19T07:46:00.004-04:00

D'oh! Yeah, I would be the dingaling who would eat enough salt to petrify her organs, right before weighing in. *rolls eyes* So, I only have a one pound loss to log today, though it was a couple pounds nicer yesterday morning.

Now that it's Monday morning, my yummy salt-filled dinner is the past. It's time to get on with my bad self, and get busy in the gym.

Loggin da Munchies for Saturday

2009-10-18T12:30:00.004-04:00

Here is what I ate yesterday...

Saturday, Oct. 17th
--Breakfast--
1 c. Coffee
1 Special K Protein Bar

--Lunch--
4oz. (raw weight) poached salmon
4 oz. yellow squash
4 oz. zucchini
1/2 bottle Diet Mountain Dew

--Dinner--
General Tso Chicken Bowl

--Snack--
1 med. apple w/ peanut butter
1 slice cold pepperoni pizza

1,365 Calories
-----------------------------------------

Normally, I have a harder time staying on track on the weekends, but I did an alright job yesterday. The only problem is that I was so preoccupied with what I was doing, I started having blood sugar issues.

It probably looks funny to have pizza be the last thing I eat at night, but I had been out too long without food. I had less than 1k in by the time that I got home from seeing Harry Potter with my husband. So, we sat up and watched a little tv after digging through the fridge to see what was there to eat.

Closing Up The Week

2009-10-17T11:02:00.004-04:00

This week has been a pretty good week for me! I've worked hard, harder than last week. I've also done a real good job staying "on plan" with my calorie budget. I've still eaten things that I enjoy, but not too much. I've also been very careful to make sure that none of my desserts were foods that trigger crazy behavior.

What makes me feel so great about the job that I've done is that I received my monthly "gift" this morning, which means that I've made it through all of the PMS weirdo munchie crazies. Now, I feel miserable enough that I don't really care to indulge in anything. I'm going to have to watch my water intake though, because my urge is to drink a lot of hot, soothing coffee.

I ordered a used copy of "Body For Life" this week. I'm going to poke through it and see if there is anything in there that could help me out. I also need to find my book on weight training for women. I want to make a more solid workout schedule, at least for just a couple weeks at a time. I think that specifically targeting different muscle groups and such will help stave off any sense of boredom.

Loggin da Munchies for Friday

2009-10-17T10:46:00.003-04:00

Friday, Oct. 16th
--Breakfast--
2 packets Strawberry oatmeal

1 c. Coffee
1 Special K Protein bar

--Lunch--
1 egg on toast

--Dinner--
3 oz. chicken w/ 1 slice American cheese
4 oz. yellow squash, 4 0z. zucchini

--Snack--
1 med. apple w/ 2 T peanut butter & 1 serving peanut butter chips

1 String Cheese stick

1,290 Calories
--------------------------------------------

My food was pretty boring yesterday, except for my apple snack. I told my husband that I was VERY low on my calories, but I didn't know what to eat. Nothing looked good or sounded good. I've had apples and peanut butter somewhat frequently, but DH thought that I should add some peanut butter chips that I had in the fridge. He was right on there. Boy, that was just the little bit of something that made my wee snack feel like a decadent dessert.

Loggin da Munchies for Thursday

2009-10-16T07:33:00.003-04:00

Here is what I ate yesterday. I know, it's getting pretty boring, eh? lol

Thursday, Oct. 15th
--Breakfast--
1 packet Strawberry oatmeal
1 Special K Protein Bar

1 packet Hawaiian Punch SF drink mix

--Lunch--
1 c. Coffee
1 egg on toast
1 String Cheese

--Dinner--
"Smart Ones" Lasagna
4 oz. yellow squash, 4 oz. zucchini

--Snacks--
1 c. Jello w/ non-dairy whipped topping
1 c. Coffee
30 g. Fiber One

1,170 Calories

-----------------------------------------------------
Yet again, my calories were a little low. I don't know. Really, I just didn't feel all that hungry. I knew when it was time to eat dinner because I started feeling kind of "weird". I didn't feel like I was going to faint exactly, but my head didn't feel like it was on quite straight. I didn't mean to put my dinner off for as long as I did, but that is the hard thing about eating things that are completely different from my family. I always cook their meal first, and then get something for myself.

Even though my number is low, I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I even nibbled a snack while watching tv in bed (Fiber One). I'm sure that my food intake will be a little higher for the next three days, though I hope to keep it in check.

Last night, I pulled my abdomen a bit. I think that I know what extracurricular activity has caused my pain. I'll have to be more careful about how I move myself in the future. I hope that I've only given my guts a little tweak, and that I didn't actually HURT anything. Since I'm not feeling 100%, and I don't want to risk a bad injury, I'm out of the gym today. That will give me three days of rest to try and recover. Now I just need to find something to do with myself, so I'm not sitting at home and staring at the fridge all day.

Oh, and why is XJ9 on my blog post? Just because I like Jenny! lol

Loggin da Munchies for Wednesday

2009-10-15T10:54:00.003-04:00

Wednesday, Oct. 14th
--Breakfast--
1 packet Strawberry oatmeal
1 Special K Protein Bar

--Lunch--
1 c. Coffee
1 Egg on toast

--Dinner--
4 oz. yellow squash, 4 oz. zucchini, 1 General Tso Chicken Bowl

--Snacks--
Popcorn
1 c. SF Jello w/ non-dairy whipped topping
30 g. Peanut Butter Crunch

1,116 Calories
______________________________

This is what I have for yesterday. I know that it is a little low, but I was struggling to even get there. I was upset last night, and was smart enough to put down the snack that I was eating. Instead, I went to my room and let my eyeballs leak on my pillow for a little while, until I didn't feel quite so upset. Then, I came back to where everyone else was, and I snacked while watching tv.

I should have thrown the popcorn away. It sounded good when I first popped it, but it was less than wonderful after it had gotten cold. I have got to get out of the mindset that I need to eat things in order to not waste them. With two kids around, there is always someone who is excited to eat popcorn, whether it is cold or not.

My husband had said that he wanted more of the pumpkin pie, so I wrapped it up for him... which left me looking around for a different snack. I settled on the Jello, and it was great. I don't normally like Jello all that much, but it hit the spot when mixed with the whipped topping.

Loggin da Munchies for Tuesday

2009-10-14T12:21:00.004-04:00

Tuesday, Oct. 13th
--Breakfast--
1 packet Apple & Cinnamon oatmeal
1 Special K Protein Bar

--Lunch--
1 c. Coffee
1 Egg on toast

--Dinner--
Salmon (4 oz. raw weight), 3.75 oz. zucchini, 4.25 oz. yellow squash, 15 g. light Ranch dressing

1 slice Pumpkin Pie w/ non-dairy whipped topping

--Snack--
1 String Cheese Stick
1 med. Apple, pan seared w/ cinnamon

1,226 Calories

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard to believe that everything just added up to 1,226 calories yesterday. Sometimes food just doesn't seem all that important, because my stomach isn't growling like crazy to let me know that it's time to eat.

I have been pretty hungry lately, but I am noticing a pattern emerging. When I workout in a more low-key manner (like swimming in the pool), I become very hungry and need a larger lunch when I get home. On the other hand, when I push it hard at the gym, it takes me a while to come down and be ready for food. Then, I tend to eat less, and my stomach doesn't feel like a huge black hole, ready to devour the Universe.

Some of the things that are improving my habits the most are just the little things that I need to do during the day. For example, I don't snack so much during the afternoon, because I have to leave and pick up my daughter from school. Between gym time, grocery shopping, and school stuff- I don't have as much time to sit around and be bored. The decrease in boredom is doing wonderful things for me.

Of Step Aerobics & Hot Tubs

2009-10-13T13:02:00.004-04:00

Ok, I did get myself on here yesterday to whine and complain about how much the step aerobics class kicked my donkey, but then didn't come back to recap the rest of my day! I think that it is because my mind was focused squarely on my arse. *laughs*

Being clear of mind and focused today, I can see that I need to keep doing these painful things, less I completely wuss out. After all, how am I going to see what I'm capable of if I never push beyond my comfort zone? The hard part is that I have a terrible time pushing myself. I need to have someone else take the reins so I can get out of my head and just get my arse moving. I am the vampiritic minion of exercise, listening to my instructor with the only reply on my tongue being, "Yes Master...". *chuckles* Sure, I can be tripping over my own feet and ready to face-plant into the carpet with exhaustion, but "can't" doesn't fit well in my vocabulary.

Before I get too into the whole exercise thing, let me scribble down my foods for Monday on this post here, before they get lost.

Monday, Oct. 12th
--Breakfast--
1 packet blueberry oatmeal
1 Muscle Milk protein bar

--Lunch--
Toasted ham sandwich
1 c. Coffee

--Dinner--
3 oz. Chicken Breast, 4 oz. Mashed Potato
4 oz. zucchini, 4 oz. yellow squash

--Snack--
1 piece Pumpkin Pie w/ non-dairy "whipped cream"
1 c. Coffee

1 med. Apple

1,439 Calories
-------------------------------------------------

Ta da! Food. While I was making dinner, I was lucky that I didn't burn my own hair in the oven. Seriously, I was dragging tail badly. My sister kept looking at me with a concerned look, but I think that she was probably just worried that she'd have to pick my crispy tresses out of her chicken breast. *laughs*

This morning, I felt like a block of concrete. I was pretty sure that parts of me were going to crumble off as I tried to get out of bed. Stiff!! Ouch!! My shoulders and chest are sore from weight training, though not anywhere near as painful as my legs and butt.

Since I was in such discomfort, I went straight for the hot tub when I got to the gym. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to rub out some of the stiffness as the bubbles shook all of my floppy parts. Nothing makes me so aware of how jiggly my thighs are like the bubbles do. Ok, maybe when I'm swimming in the pool. Then I feel like a wee hippopotamus, pushing through the water. You know, they are adorable, but all squishy and roll-ey too. *laughs*

I did swim around and try to get loose in the pool. That worked with moderate success. At least I was pretty active for 30 minutes. Then I went upstairs and walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. The swimming was more enjoyable.

It crossed my mind that maybe I should leave off the classes for a little bit, until I feel stronger. After all, I am just coming back after surgery. However... I have had a decent amount of time to heal, and I'm not doing anything that adds even the slightest twinge of discomfort to my abdomen. So, I think that I should just get over my current state of wuss, and get back on the lesson floor! I wanted to do new things and have new experiences, and how can I do that if I get caught up in sore muscles and worry over looking like an idiot?

Riiiight. I've got to keep doing, even though I am a little embarrassed, and more than a little out of shape.

Stepping Into Something New

2009-10-12T12:55:00.004-04:00

I decided to join in on a step aerobics class this morning. I didn't know that the usual instructor was gone, but I found that out when the wonderful older lady behind me made mention of it- and said that the current instructor was much harder. Not having anything to compare her to, I'll just have to take my lovely neighbor's word on it.

I felt pretty stupid today. It's been 11 years and many more pounds since I last enjoyed step aerobics. I found out today that that really makes a difference. Step kicked my arse. It kicked it all over the place. Not only that, but my balance sucks... and I obviously can't follow simple instructions. *laughs* Of course, I remember now that the first few classes "back in the day" were pretty rough, but once I got to know my instructor's calls and general sequences, I just flew through it all with a sense of invigoration. I was closer to exhaustion this time around, not invigoration.

After Step, I hit the free weights for a little bit, working on my upper body. My knees were already tired mush, so I worked my arms a while before heading over for the bench press. I love the bench press. It is so much nicer than sitting at that press machine. I was so tired though, I only got two sets in before I completely turned into quivering gelatinous goo.

It's a good thing that my car knows where it lives. I kind of felt like I was on autopilot on the way home, but I started to feel a mite better after having a sandwich. I had eaten a bowl of oatmeal with my daughter, at 7:30 this morning. Then, I had a light "Muscle Milk" protein bar while sitting in the car at 9 o'clock. I hadn't had one of those before, and let me just say that it is a completely safe food for me. I will never binge eat on those. *gag* It's covered in chocolate, but my mouth couldn't tell. It also takes five minutes to chew one bite. I guess that is good for making one little bar seem like more, but... wow. I'll stick to my Special K protein bars to help me survive exercising.

Sunday Weigh-In #1

2009-10-11T10:47:00.003-04:00

I came in at -3 lbs. this week. Yay for me! That's not bad for having a week filled mostly with low impact water aerobics.

My week was pretty clean, except for a little indulgence on Saturday evening. I could have probably had an even better number, but it was pretty nice to have the wee hamburger and cup of chili for dinner, even though I'm sure it was packed with sodium. Where I had a little trouble was with the roasted almonds that we got to snack on while we walked around the "dirt mall" as a family. I had too many of them, and that was a wee bit of a problem. My husband ran off with the rest of them though, and that is good for my waistline. *chuckles*

My "Last Chance" Workout

2009-10-09T13:40:00.003-04:00

With it being Friday, the end of my workout week is now over! I have two blessed days of rest, which I am going to enjoy. My plan is to keep exercising throughout the work week, and then take the weekend off, with a weigh-in on Sunday. Hopefully, having the weigh-in on Sunday will help motivate me to not muck things up on Saturday. lol

This morning, I hit the exercise floor for some serious work. First, I rode the bike for 20 minutes to get the blood flowing. Weights were next, and I hit those pretty hard. I took a break about halfway through, and by break- I mean that I hopped on the treadmill to do running/walking intervals. After more weights, I walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Lastly, I hopped into the pool and swam around for a little while before hitting the shower.

Now I'm sleepy. lol

I was smart enough to bring one of my protein bars with me to the gym. When I started lagging a bit, I stepped out to the lobby and ate my protein bar, and that really helped me feel a lot better. It even bought me some time to run by the store before I got in here at home and was able to make my lunch.

Recap for Thursday

2009-10-09T13:34:00.003-04:00

I was in the pool again for Thursday, splashing around with my adorable old birds. I sure do enjoy swimming. It is a lot of fun, and I feel refreshed when I'm done, not gross and sticky.

Here are my foods for the day, for a total of 1,324 calories.

Thurs, Oct. 8th
--Breakfast--
Fruit Oatmeal
1 Cheese Stick
214 Calories

--After Workout Snack--
Special K Protein bar
170 Calories

--Lunch--
Ham & Cheese Sub
1 c. Coffee
343 Calories

--Dinner--
Pan-seared Chicken & Cauliflower
Creamy Acorn Squash
265 Calories

--Evening Snacks--
1 plain doughnut
1 Packet Fruit & Cream oatmeal
333 Calories

My husband told me that there wasn't any begging allowed in the kitchen, when he walked in with a box of doughnuts. I've been a good girl with the sweets, but I sure did want a doughnut. Thankfully, hiding in the corner of the box was a cute little plain doughnut, and it was mine! lol I had the calories for it, so I nibbled that thing slowly, savoring every little bite.

Weird Post: Silliness About "The Biggest Loser"

2009-10-08T11:27:00.003-04:00

I can't help it. It's the little things that you do, Tracey. It's that way that you talk with your eyes opened so wide that I imagine they must be drying out. It's in the way that you move your head when you talk. There are so many little things about you, aside from your personality, that kind of creeps me out.

I know that that isn't kind to say, and I'm sorry that my first though is that I'm waiting for your head to pop off, or for you to act like a zombie and begin gnawing on someone's skull. You seem so... manic.

You scare me, Tracey.

Dog Tired

2009-10-07T17:27:00.004-04:00

I am just beat. The odd thing is that I didn't really do all that much, at least not enough to warrant being this tired. I was at the gym again this morning, and I rode the bike for 20 minutes and walked on the treadmill for a few minutes.... waiting for help from my husband. You see, I accidentally locked my keys and gym stuff in my car. *shakes head* It was embarrassing.

After my dear husband was so kind as to drive over and let me into my car, I grabbed my suit and hopped into the pool. I exercised in the water for 45 minutes before I completely pooped out. By the time that I got home, I felt as though I could just stop moving and stand in one spot and sleep like a horse. *laughs* The first thing I did when I came home was to eat, and that has helped a little bit. I've been making eyes at my pillow all day, wishing that I had an opportunity to take a nap.

Here are my food choices for the day. I've planned out my snack early, since that helps me get through the evening without turning into a crazy grazing beast. lol

Wed, Oct. 7th
--Breakfast--
Oatmeal
225 Calories

--Lunch--
Ham & Cheese sandwich
1/2 med. apple
1 c. Coffee
344 Calories

--Dinner--
Taco Salad
408 Calories

--Evening Snacks--
1 med. apple
2 T. peanut butter

1 c. Coffee
1 packet Peach Oatmeal
446 Calories

Alrighty, I'm taking my droopy self off to the bath. When my sister gets home, we're going to finish watching "The Biggest Loser". Go Orange Team! *grins*

Made it!

2009-10-06T20:44:00.003-04:00

Yay! Today has been a good day, even though I've felt exhausted and hungry. I packed my gym bag last night, so I was all set when I dropped Pumpkin off at school. I hurried over to the foo-foo gym and squeezed myself into my small(er) bathing suit and the obnoxiously orange flip flops that I stole from my husband. *laughs*

Since I was sore this morning, I hopped in the hot tub first off. That was quite blissful. When I started to feel overheated, I got out and relaxed on a lounge until I was cool enough to get into the pool. I was early for the water aerobics class, which turned out to be a very good thing. I got in the pool and started with a few laps, and it didn't feel very good. My abdomen was feeling pretty nasty, so I switched to jogging in the pool. Eventually I started to loosen up and I wasn't in as much discomfort.

I'm a little bit worried, and just hoping that I'm having weirdness, just because I'm weird- as is my body. There is that pesky little fact that my husband and I weren't careful enough recently, and I'm afraid that there is a chance that I might find myself multiplying. *sigh* I don't put a ton of stock in cycle calculators and all of that, but the timing of our mistake was just very bad. So, I'm hoping that my abdominal discomfort is just a consequence surgery. I feel terrible for praying that I am not pregnant, especially because we would love to have a baby. Given my history though, I just couldn't feel good about it. It's a real shame that my insurance won't pay for sterilization. I would prefer to just do that and not have to worry about these things.

Anyway, I spent about a half hour jogging in the pool. By the time water aerobics started, I was feeling quite a bit better. I was smiling on the inside, watching all of my "old birds" shuffling over and getting into the pool. There is no getting around the fact that the water aerobics class is filled 90%+ with elderly ladies. I just adore my "old birds" though. They are sassy and fun.

After the pool, I put my gym clothes on and went upstairs for some weight training. I like the quiet of using the free weights. They aren't used a whole lot at the foo-foo gym, so I was able to stay in my little corner and get in a some upper body work. I did choose to use a couple of machines though. I wanted to hit the lat press and to get some rows in. My triceps and lats are a little tender tonight. I'm not quite sore, but I feel them.

Tomorrow, I am going to hit the pool again. It just feels good to start there, and then work into more strenuous activity. I need to get some lower body work in too, so that will be my focus on the weight floor.

My meals were pretty good today. I started with my oatmeal, which is kind of boring, but works. I don't feel like really cooking in the morning, and I can't eat cereal. This what I've had today:
--Breakfast--
Oatmeal w/ fixins
(raisins, coconut, almonds)
278 Calories

--Lunch--
Ham Sandwich and 2 serv. Mixed Vegetables
Approx. 378 Calories

--Snack--
Special K Protein bar
Small Chocolate Muffin
253 Calories

--Dinner--
47 g. Chicken Breast
General Tso Rice Bowl
412 Calories

--Snack--
Light Popcorn
1 c. Coffee
101 Calories

That is 1,421 calories for those like me, who can't be bothered to add it all up. *laugh* (I have Fitday to do that for me.) I have some wiggle room there, since that is a little low for where I am shooting for. I might have a little snack of something before I try and go to sleep, since I've been terribly hungry today. Being in that water really wiped me out for some reason, and I've been longing after a nap all day today. Instead of sleeping, I've been putzing around the house, and fighting some gnawing hunger. I might question whether I'm truly hungry, except that my stomach keeps growling like a beast.

First Day In

2009-10-05T18:38:00.003-04:00

My first day in over at the foo-foo gym was really nice! I had one of the gals from the gym ushering me around, getting me set up with some exercises. While I liked having someone else do the organizing, I always feel awkward when someone wants to talk to me while expecting me to still be able to count reps. *laugh* I have to be focused on what I'm doing, so I don't look like I have adult A.D.D. . Heehee...

After wrapping up with another 20 minutes of cardio, I went downstairs and took a shower. I had wanted to get into the pool, but I wasn't aware of the new rule about wearing a cap in the pool. So, I obviously didn't have one with me. I stopped by the store on the way to go pick up my daughter from school though, and I was able to get one in time for the gym tomorrow morning.

I want to really wring as much out of this month-to-month membership as absolutely possible. So, I think that I'm going to take a fitness class tomorrow. I have to look at the schedule and see what I'd be interested in, but I'm sure that I'll find something. I'm feeling pretty good this evening. I'm not sore, though my arthritic knee feels slightly tired. I'll probably pass on the kickboxing for right now, but all of the other classes sound fun.

Eating is going really well also! I am a little worried about the evening though, just because my sister has been going on about how much she wants to bake cookies. I told her that that wouldn't be a kindness toward me, but I'm not sure that it matters to her so much. I asked that she buy ready-made cookies and just eat them in private, and we'll see how that works out.

In the meantime, my meals have been tasty. I was surprised that I got on for so long off of that one bowl of oatmeal. Tomorrow, I am bringing a snack with me for right after my workout. This afternoon, I hit Subway for a sandwich, and practically inhaled the thing. I'll be better prepared tomorrow.

I ate a frozen meal for dinner tonight, after making a separate meal for all of my family. It was just easier for me, instead of weighing everything and measuring. I'll try to do a little better tomorrow, and I'll share dinner with my loved ones.

Well, I have a bag of beautiful Michigan apples that are just begging for my attention. They are so pretty that I just have to have one. *grins* I've got 377 more calories to eat up today, before I head to bed. Time to get to it!

Let's See

2009-10-05T00:02:00.003-04:00

... just how tired I can make me. *laughs*

After dropping Pumpkin off at school in the morning, I'm off to the foo-foo gym to see about getting a temporary membership over there. They have a pool, hot tub, and various fitness classes- all of which aren't offered at the "manly gym". Since I'm going to be a very sore girl, for a very long time, I thought that the foo-foo gym sounded great. The only down side is that they alternate days between men and women. That's really alright though, because I can hit the manly gym when it's not the "girl day" at the foo-foo gym that is closest to me.

Boy, it's a good thing that everyone is running these cheap month-by-month memberships! lol

Wow, It's October!

2009-10-03T23:08:00.005-04:00

I can't believe that it is October already!

Well, I made it through a week of daily gym visits before sickness hit our household, and I got knocked on my rear. So, I took this last week off from exercise, since I had heard somewhere that strenuous exercise jacks up the immune system a bit. For as much as I was enjoying my daily gym visits, I really do like to breathe. *laughs*

I'm feeling about 95% better now, so I'm ready to get my tail back into the game. Things are going pretty well for me, even considering that I'm not functioning at peak performance while babying my abdomen. I wish that I knew how long I have to be careful, just to be sure that I don't tear that muscle all apart again.

I was thinking today that I might pick up a month-by-month membership at the foo-foo girly gym for a little while. I really enjoy working out at the serious "manly" gym, but there *are* some things that I miss. To get through this winter, and a little lack of motivation, I think that I would like to get in some classes and water aerobics. I have the time, and the variety of activities might help me stay out of the fridge more often.

I've been struggling for quite a while now, and my diet is the big weight on my back that is making everything more difficult. I have GOT to stop eating junk. I don't even know when it is that I last was 100% "on plan" and careful about logging all of my foods. I don't know if it is laziness, stupidness, or both. I've paid for it though, by going up one pant size. That's a big bummer. It not something that I have to live with though. I can get a handle on this and turn the boat around before I get myself into big trouble all over again.

One thing that has helped to motivate me has been the show "Diet Tribe" that just started it's second season. I enjoy watching "The Biggest Loser", but there are times when I like to see people work hard just for the right reasons, without climbing up each other's backs for money. I like that no one gets voted off on DT, and that Jesse is certainly not hard on the eyes. *laughs* Seriously though, for as much as I like being pushed hard (and seeing others being pushed), I like that Jesse is always nice about it and doesn't get in their faces and cuss the gals out. For as much as I love Bob and Jillian, I'd never last a day in their gym. If someone swears at me, I shut down and am more likely to get quiet before poppin' someone in the mouth. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy some serious challenge. There's just no excuse for being an ass.

My challenges for this week are:

- Drop 2-3 lbs.
- Drink lots of water
- Restrict coffee to two cups per day
- Follow strict meal planning for 1,500 calories per day

I plan on accomplishing my weight loss through a combination of drinking water and exercising 5 days this week, for at least 90 minutes each day. Since I've been eating junk and not drinking my water, I know that getting that water in will help me have that initial whoosh of water weight drop off. I don't know exactly what I can accomplish with the exercise, since my body is rather unpredictable these days, but I know that it will be all good. I'm not going to push myself beyond what I feel is safe. I can challenge myself on the treadmill, bike, and swimming. All weight training will be done carefully though.

Tomorrow will be my planning day, as my "working week" will begin on Monday. I'll exercise Monday through Friday, and weigh in on Saturdays. There won't be any exercising on the weekends, but I'll still stick to my 1,500 calorie goal, and hopefully I'll have good results. I'm going to take it week by week, trying new exercises and food options each week. That should keep my body guessing enough that I don't get bored.

Oops!

2009-08-25T19:43:00.003-04:00

I forgot to weigh in this morning. I was sleepy, and then I woke up and realized that I had a new book to read! So, I got started with a distracted mind, and I didn't even realize it was my WI day until this evening. Oops!

To be honest though, I'm not looking forward to stepping on the scale. I've been doing a terrible job with my eating. Really, it's just frustrated and makes me want to bang my head on a wall or something. It seems that I really am just lost without the gym. I like to eat. I like food a lot. By working out frequently, my mind is more frequently focused on the changes in my muscles and body shape. That's a good feeling. Without being able to indulge in that activity, I find that I'm grumpy and frustrated. I feel much the same way my dog does when she tears up everything under the sun, just looking for something good to occupy her.

I'm anxious to get back in the gym.

Hangin' In There

2009-08-19T19:48:00.003-04:00

I'm still around! I haven't posted my food for a couple of days, but I'm still trying to be careful about what goes in my mouth! I was right about retaining water, and needing that extra day before weighing in to see the number come down. My number was more palatable when I stepped on the scale this morning. I needed that. *smiles*

I haven't been tracking as closely as I probably should. I didn't write anything down today, but I know what I've had... including that extra serving of dressing that I should have skipped. I guess I was making up for the bit of my salmon and veggie lunch that I had to put in the fridge. I was just too full to enjoy it anymore, so I figured that I would save it for this evening some time, because I always get mad munchies at night. It probably wouldn't be so bad, except that I stay up way too late at night.

For breakfast, I had a bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch with water-down 2% milk. Lunch was salmon and "fiesta" veggies. Dinner was a bigger meal- baked pork, au gratin potato, green beans, and dressing. Of course, there was that extra serving of dressing that I mentioned. Other than that, I think that I've had about three cups of coffee. I'd like to say that I'll be a good girl and not drink any more of that rich brown goodness, but that would probably be a lie. I'll try to stick to just one more though.

I've tried to stay busy today, but I'm struggling. I've gotten the main cleaning done, and the laundry is as done as the laundry ever gets. (Oh, you know how dishes and laundry are eternal. lol) I watched a couple of my shows and played with the dogs a bit. If I want to walk Goldie, I have to wear her out by throwing her tennis balls for her until she starts huffing and puffing. She's got a LOT of energy, and I can't run or get too rambunctious just yet. For exercise, I did take Goldie for a walk though. She did better with not pulling me all over the neighborhood, but I did still get a workout from controling her. I was wearing a dress, and I'm glad that I had thrown on shorts beneath it, because the big lug kept trying to hide under my skirt! She's 66 lbs. of excitable dog, and she's hiding under my skirt?! Nuts. Anyway, at least I got some exercise.

It's already 8 p.m. , and I'm not feeling the munchies yet, thankfully. My husband is sitting right in front of me, eating pudding and cookies, and I'm not feeling tempted in the slightest. That's a good sign, I guess. I've got work to do now, with dinner dishes still needing to be washed. I've been doing some drywall repair in my kitchen, because we mounted our dining table into a wall to serve as a "bar" between our kitchen and living room. It's been functional for a while, but now I'm working to make it prettier because I want to paint my kitchen. I've got to get the drywall stuff all done first though. So, I'm thinking that instead of worrying about eating out of boredom, I'm going to start doing a lot of home improvement projects around the house. I may not lay down the prettiest bead of caulk, but I'm sure that I'll get better with practice. My husband does building maintenance and HVAC work for a living, so you know that means that our house is always the last priority. *laughs* After doing that stuff all day, he doesn't want to come home and build, mud, sand, and paint. I wonder how many calories I can burn while painting the kitchen? I'll have to look it up. *grins*

Weekend Craziness

2009-08-17T11:13:00.004-04:00

Goodness, I really need to get a handle on how I deal with food when my husband is around. There is something about watching him eat waffles, dripping with butter and syrup, that just makes me feel like an insane creature.

What has me pretty upset is that I did so well all week, and was looking forward to a decent number on the scale. Now I don't know what I'm going to be looking at. I've got to drink a lot of water today, because I ate a ton of salt and sugar. So, now I'm all puffed up and bloated from things like PB & J sandwiches and potato chips. *sigh*

This sort of thing makes me a little angry. I don't expect myself to be perfect, but if I could limit myself to one foolish meal, or even just one day- that would be more acceptable. It seems that once that line is crossed, I have a terrible time trying to pull it back and get on track again.

Today is a different day though, and now that I am alone with my food, it will be easier. I'm going to tweak things a little to help me get through this recovery day, and we'll see how the water weight responds. I really think that I need a good two days in order to see a sufficient loss of water weight, but I don't have that with a Tuesday weigh-in. So, I'll just see what I have, and learn my lesson.

Checkin' In and Foods For The Day

2009-08-14T20:47:00.006-04:00

I've been feeling pretty good. I've stayed away from most sweets, aside from a couple of creamsicles. Thankfully, those little frozen treats don't trigger me the way regular ice cream does. So, they have been pretty safe. That is probably the best change, because I don't feel as frantic for sugar as I have been feeling lately.

Now that I've got a few days strung together, I'm starting to get my confidence back. That is 90% or more of the game, having my head on straight.

Anyway, I'll get on to the foods that I've eaten today...

Of course, I started my day out with the customary cup of coffee. It's habit. Then, I had a bowl of oatmeal and 4 oz. of peaches.

Lunch was a yummy salmon fillet, seasoned with garlic and onion powders. I heated up some leftover mashed potatoes while my broccoli was cooking, and it all made for a wonderfully filling meal.

Instead of having an afternoon snack, I just had a cup of coffee while I watched one of my favorite shows, "How Clean Is Your House?"

For dinner, we had baked chicken, au gratin potatoes, and seasoned green beans. For dessert, I had a Creamsicle!! Woohoo!

My evening snack, I enjoyed a plate of cucumber and a cup of coffee. In an effort to stay away from anything too salty before bed, I'm saving a yogurt cup for later in the evening.

That brings me up to a total of 1,135 calories for the day. It's a little low, but I didn't get my walk in today. So, that seems like an alright number for someone who has spent their day fiddling with household chores and sitting on 'er behind.

Foods For The Day

2009-08-13T23:12:00.005-04:00

My new "puppy" woke me up early this morning, and I was awake before my stomach was. So, I put the coffee on and tried to shake the cobwebs out of my head.
One my daughter woke up, we had some breakfast. I opted for Cinnamon Apple oatmeal, a banana, and a cup of water. I hadn't had apple oatmeal in quite a while, and now I wonder why! It was yummy.
When lunch time came around, I cooked up some vegetables to go with my sandwich. I was running short on mixed vegetables, so I cooked up some extra broccoli to fill it out. The sandwich was standard white bread, mustard, lettuce, tomato, and chicken breast lunch meat. Ah, and I can't forget the can of diet soda that I like so much.
A little later in the afternoon, I got the munchies. I'm pretty sure that it is because of all the vegetables that I've been eating. You know, they are big on volume, but they sure don't stay with you for very long. It's no wonder that the big herbivores spend so much time grazing! Anyway, I grabbed some cucumber slices from the fridge. They were nice and cold, just like I like them. Add a cup of coffee, and that is how I got through the afternoon without eating my own arms off. I did go for a walk around the neighborhood with my daughter though, and that helped to shake the edge off a bit before dinner.
After I got home from my walk, I sat down to a real easy dinner that kept me busy for a while. I popped a Healthy Choice "General Tso Chicken" bowl in the microwave, and steamed up extra vegetables to add to it.

For dessert, I had a Creamsicle!! MMmmmm..... I LOVE Creamsicles.
For my nighttime snack, I had some real fruit. Yeah, the kind that isn't artificial and wrapped around ice cream. *laughs*
Instead, I had pineapple, a plum, and a cheese stick. That finished out the day for a total of 1,343 calories.

I'm not afraid of YOU !

2009-08-13T10:37:00.007-04:00

As I've gone through this whole "guts falling out, sew them back in" thing, I've been learning about myself. I'm kind of a wuss. I can handle all sorts of physical pain, but mental/emotional things just work their wicked voodoo on me until I turn into a pile of weeping mush.

Anyone who read here with any kind of regularity knows that I have been struggling with injuries for a few months. I tell ya, it seems as though I hit my one year mark, and then all hell broke loose. If it hasn't been one part of my body staging a revolution, it's been another. This latest refusal to be good and not give me problems was hosted by my abdominal muscles. Oh sure, they hide under the fat and pretend to not be there... right up until the time that they stomp their little imaginary feet and spit on me.

These past four months have been very difficult for me. They have played upon my very real fear of being out of control. Then there is that pesky fear of gaining back all of that weight, especially knowing that I'm perfectly capable of packing on even more pounds. It's enough to send goosebumps up and down my arms and legs. As a person who has bounced up and down in weight, it can be very frightening to know that having lost the weight does not ensure that I won't again wear it all. For now, it's like a nasty little bogeyman, waiting just around the corner to grab me. This feels very much like a game of cat and mouse, with me trying to run away from the fat, pumping my chubby little legs as fast as they will go. So, when I can't actually run, it has proven to be difficult staving off the anxiety and fear.

Normally, I would try and get out of the house for a while and exercise when I was feeling overcome by my emotions. Whether afraid, sad, angry, or even happy- I would find some way to translate all of that into physical movement. When I've got so much inside of me, it needs to come out before I become septic. Happiness is easy to spill onto other people. The rest of it, I tried to take out on the treadmill and the weight room. Without having that available to me, I've become a bubbling cauldron of boiling craziness. Some of it has been rather positive, because I finally boiled over and was able to put a stop to folks using me up without giving back the most necessary things- love, affection, appreciation, and respect. Until I reached that point though, I just sat and bubbled under the surface, and kept stuffing food down my throat as though bites of bagel could sop it up and keep me from exploding all over the house. I had too much nervous energy before, but now I feel as though I can finally breathe again. That change has created a world of difference in my sense of peace, and how I handle food.

Now that I've gotten my insides all sewn up, I feel much better. I think that it is just a sense of hope that has made the difference. With the stress removed from my home life, and the constant burning pain removed from my abdomen, I am starting to feel well again. Of course, I am still not able to be very active yet, but at least I don't need that as a vent so much. I can enjoy a walk, just for the sake of walking. I don't need to run until I want to throw up, just so I can survive being at home.

I am certainly left feeling scarred though, both literally and emotionally. My bisected belly will heal on it's own, so long as I don't act foolishly and try to do things that I shouldn't. I have at least a month of restful recuperation before I can do anything more than walk gently. I'm not allowed to pick up anything more than 15 lbs. , and it stuns me to see how that changes my life. It stuns me to see how my sense of pride rears up and hates the limitations. The only thing that helps to keep my own dumb ego in check is that I know what kind of pain I'm looking at if I tear my stitches all apart and ruin my surgeon's good work. Heck, I thought that a sneeze was going to be the death of me last week! *laughs*

It does feel good though, to know a sense of peace, and to not be fearful. Yes, I've put on weight. Not only that, I've lost a lot of muscle tone, which has always meant more to me. I've gotten squishier through my belly region, and a bit on my hips. There is no getting around it- I've put on 14 lbs. since my insides revolted on me. Most of it is right there (*points*) in my abdomen, a roll at the top, and a flop on the bottom.

Now that I'm not a big mess of nerves, I can look at myself and actually breathe a sigh of relief. I know that belly fat isn't good, but it is also the easiest for me to lose. The stuff on my butt, hips, and thighs seem to be made of that same indestructible rubber as Goldie's Kong toy. I might need a jackhammer to get that stuff off, but diligent healthy eating and moderate exercise will help me to trim my waist. It's all about hope right now. Without the stress, I can see areas that I want to work on, without feeling so out of control that change seems impossible. I'm not depressed like I was, though I do get teary-eyed from time to time, missing my nephew. It's been real hard to have him suddenly gone, and the house is deafeningly quiet without him. The occasional bought of sadness isn't crippling like the daily depression though, and things are already changing for me. I can look at the bagels, cookies, and even the dimples in my rear end and say, "I'm not afraid of YOU!"

Foods For The Day

2009-08-12T22:03:00.009-04:00

Breakfast was yummy this morning. I guess it just hit the spot. I just had a cup of Raisin Bran Crunch with watered down 2% milk. Add a banana and cup of coffee, and that's all deliciousness.

When lunch came around, I was happy to have found a Boca patty in the freezer! I cooked that bad boy up and steamed some mixed vegetables. Oh, and I can't forget the tablespoon of ketchup, because it is gooey wonderfulness. Really, Boca is just a ketchup delivery device. With half a can of soda to tickle my taste buds, I felt fat and happy. :o )
For an afternoon snack, I turned to the pineapple and cheese stick again. I really needed the cup of coffee! Veggies are all great, but I've been eating a ton of crap lately, so I'm doing battle with the munchies. I keep thinking that what I really need is a sweet bagel, toasted and slathered in butter. See? I really needed that cup of coffee. *laughs*

Dinner was very filling, which is just what I needed. I made a stroganoff with ground turkey, and enjoyed that with 4 oz. of mashed potato, and 2 servings of Fiesta vegetables. I had intended to drink the other half of my soda, but my daughter asked very sweetly if she could have the rest of it, after I had taken a couple of sips.
For nighttime snacks, I have some fresh cucumber that I peeled and sliced this evening. I normally eat the peel, but I didn't want to eat that so close to bed time. Too much roughage at night will upset my belly too much. I also "cooked" up a cup-a-soup, had some FF crackers, and added in a banana.

Well, that is all for me! That brings me up to a total of 1,476 calories for the day.

Foods For The Day

2009-08-11T14:31:00.010-04:00

This morning, I opted for yogurt and Fiber One cereal for breakfast. It was alright, but looks gross. *chuckles* Chasing it with a cup of coffee helped chase off any lingering feelings of hunger until lunch time.
For lunch, I dug through the freezer and found a bag of frozen salmon fillets. I love it when things are individually packaged, so I can just grab one and know how much I have. So, I put a little non-stick spray on my pan and cooked the fish on the stove-top, along with steaming some mixed vegetables. I drank a cup of water after my coffee, so I wanted something a little different with lunch. A cup of Crystal Light was convenient, and it hit the spot. :o )

Since lunch was so light, I grabbed a snack during the afternoon. 4 oz. of pineapple, a stick of string cheese, and a cup of coffee helped take the edge off of things when I began to get "snacky".

Dinner had to be prepared in a rush, before we headed off to church. I had thought that we were going to be having a meal with our fellow believers, but DH called at the last minute to say that he would be late from work and unable to take us early enough for the dinner. Instead, we had chicken tenders that were cooked in teriyaki sauce, mashed potatoes, and creamed corn. Since we are out of milk, everyone had a cup of Crystal Light with the meal.
So, dinner wasn't all that colorful, but worse things have happened than a neutral meal. *smiles* While our daughter was enjoying VBS, her father and I went over to McDonald's for a "snack". He got an iced mocha coffee, and I splurged on a vanilla cone. It was very yummy, and I enjoyed it immensely.

Once VBS was over, we came home, and now I sit with my evening snack. I have my cup-a-soup with FF crackers, and a banana. All of this yummy goodness comes to a total of 1,312 calories for the day.

I must be doing something right....

2009-08-11T09:00:00.004-04:00

(Left: A picture of my husband and I, taken a few months after our daughter was born. My sister had thought that it was something to brag about, that she put it up on the internet. I took one look at it and wanted to just cry my eyes out. I'm owning it now though. This is where I've been, and where I don't want to go back to. I was miserable, and everyone still thought that I was pregnant. Maybe looking at it will help motivate me to eat those healthy foods in moderation.)

Not only did I wake up hungry this morning, I woke up before my alarm! That felt good to me, because I have been SO sluggish these past couple of weeks. No joke, I struggle every morning to drag myself out of bed sometime before eleven. It makes me very unhappy, particularly when 4:00 p.m. comes around and I'm falling asleep in my chair. See? Awfulness. So, I was very happy to be up much earlier this morning.

I realized this morning that I REALLY need to go grocery shopping, because I was looking at a cup of yogurt in the fridge, wondering just how far past the expiration date I could actually handle. *laughs* If you are curious, the yogurt seems alright. I'm sure that my stomach will let me know if I've been tricked by my mouth and nose.

Anyway, I stepped on the scale this morning, and it was rather nasty. Yuck. It makes me want to hurry to the gym and run like a mad woman. Then, of course, I remember how exhausting it was to just wipe down the chairs at church. *sigh* It is just amazing, how quickly a person gets out of shape. It's hard to face the fact that I won't be running, period. When I can go back to the gym, I'll be stuck at a moderate walking pace for a good month. Then, I will hopefully have given my insides long enough to heal, since I don't do that healing thing all that well. I can walk. I can also lift a wee bit of weight for my arms and shoulders. I'm not allowed to pick up anything greater than 15 pounds though.

I looked at my weight log, and I realize that I haven't lost any weight through the course of a week. That's pretty sad since I was originally looking at a 1.5 lb. loss. Oh yeah, then there was that milkshake and burger, and other such crazy stupid food choices.

I'm at a point where I wonder why I am rebelling so much. I know what I need to do, but a part of me is wailing and fighting like a mad thing. I feel good when I eat well, and an added bonus is losing weight. I don't understand how I could go from doing so well, to struggling so hard. It's just astounding, how quickly the weight comes back on, now that I'm sitting around on my butt and eating bad food. I guess that is the root of the problem though- that the clean eating was never my strong point. I could exercise until I was nothing but a quivering drippy mess, but it is always so hard to say 'no' with an Oreo under my nose. The exercise helped keep me in check, and now I don't know what to do without it. Maybe this is a good lesson for me, but thus far it hasn't been good for the size of my butt.

I shouldn't be so gloomy about things though! (at least not today.) I had a great day yesterday, and today can be another great day. I'm going to take pictures of my food again, for the day. That seems to help me not go completely crazy with the munchies.

Ok, I might otherwise write more... but I need a cup of coffee. *yawns* It's time to do some menu planning and make a grocery shopping list, so I can stop eating questionable yogurt.

Foods For The Day

2009-08-10T21:47:00.009-04:00

This morning, I had a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, with 2% milk. I used to use Almond Breeze all of the time, but I've gotten out of the habit, and it will take me a little while to train my mouth to like it again. *laughs* I also had a cup of coffee, with sweetener and 2 T. of creamer.

Come lunch time, I enjoyed a ham sandwich! I hadn't had one of those in quite a while, and it was enjoyable. I have 2 oz. of ham on standard white bread with mustard and lettuce. I was really wanting a tomato, but they are still green and hanging on my plants. *grins* I paired that with 6 oz. of broccoli, with a wee bit of salt for taste, and a cup of Crystal Light.

During the afternoon, I started to get a bit hungry, so I had a snack. I was tempted to eat something rather substantial, but I had a cheese stick and a cup of coffee instead. The combination helped me to get a handle on myself before I ripped into the big bag of cheese-y popcorn that my mom had bought while she was here.

We had dinner at church this evening. Pumpkin had VBS, and we adults were doing "chores" around the building that needed doing. I spent a good deal of time wiping down the chairs in the sanctuary, and anything else that looked dirty or dusty. I think that I was a good girl, at least as much as could be expected, when it was time for dinner. Hey, I was hungry after only eating the cheese stick, and then I walked into a room of pizza! What's a girl to do?

So, I had only one piece of pizza, a small salad, and a wee dessert. Oh, I can't forget the 4 oz. or so of fruit punch that I drank. I took a bite of my pizza before I realized that I could take a picture of my dinner with my phone. I know that some folks don't mind snapping pictures of their food while out in public, but I'm a little more shy. My phone though, gives the illusion that I am texting or something, instead of being weird by photographing my pizza for the internet. *wink*
When I got home, I grabbed a cup of coffee and went down to visit my neighbor to talk with him for a few minutes. He has bad legs and doesn't get out much, so I make a point to go over there about every day, just to talk for a while.
To take the edge off before bed, I'm having a Cup-A-Soup with a few FF crackers. It's late though, so I'm going to pass on taking the picture. That gives me a total of 1,513 calories for the day.

Goodnight, friends!

Wee Victory and a Long-ish Walk

2009-08-07T13:47:00.003-04:00

So far, this week, I am down by 1.5 lbs. since Monday. I'm not exactly sure how I've managed that, but I think that it has been by trying to do some decent thing around the house, and crocheting.

I've still been eating a little poorly. I haven't been terrible or anything, but things like eating cereal and milk for breakfast, and a pop tart (or two. I admit it.) sometime during the day. Dinner has been good, and lunch has been a little bit of whatever is leftover in the fridge. I've only been taking a wee helping of *something*, and chasing it with a cup of coffee. That yummy brew helps to chase away the hunger monster.

Though my eating hasn't been what I'd really consider "on plan", I've been trying to move a little more to help compensate. I'm not doing anything crazy, mind you. I've seen the top of my incision, and it's rather gross. It causes me to think of how gross it would look if I split it open. Ewww. So, I move carefully and follow my doctor's order to lift no more than 15 pounds, period.

Yesterday, I mopped and swept the kitchen, and then realized that the wall under the table was dirty. So, I sat on the floor with cleaner, a rag, and a scrub brush and cleaned up the wall and baseboards. That was maybe a little ambitious. I'm finding that it I actually have to use elbow grease, my abs are somehow involved in that process. So, now that I can see the difference between a clean baseboard and a dirty one, the other dirty ones will have to wait at least another week before I try cleaning them a couple feet at a time. I'm on restricted duty for at least a month, until I go back to see my doctor again.

Today, I became rather ambitious again also. A local church was having a "yard sale" kind of thing, and I wanted to go and see if they had any good jeans for my daughter. She is starting school for the first time, come this fall. We've home-educated since she was old enough to begin formal schooling, so this will be a big deal for all of us! For as much as we love those jeans with the sparkly butterflies and such, they cost too much money as a norm. But, I can find some awesome jeans for her at the thrift store and church sales, if I am careful. I even found her an adorable pink and chocolate brown 2-piece winter coat. Woohoo! Not only did I find good buys for my little girl, but I also found myself a red wool winter coat at the sale, for a whole $3.00 . It is just slightly snug, now that I've put on a few pounds through my belly/hips, but it is wearable. It will only become more comfortable as I work off these few unwanted pounds.

The difficult thing was getting my happy purchases back to the house. It is about a three mile trip to walk to and from the church, which isn't bad under normal circumstances. I'm not used to walking that far with this sore belly though. I wore my binder, and that was miserable in the heat. I thought it might help, to have my guts held in place. I brought my little wheeled cart to the church, and it was full for the trip home. I have a suspicion that I may have been pushing the limit to what I could safely do, pulling the cart home. You know, it makes me wish that working dogs were allowed inside buildings! I would have let my big dog pull the cart for me, and it would have saved me a lot of effort! *grins*

Well, the coffee is done brewing, so I'm going to go and sit down and rest for a little while. I'm nearly done with the blanket that I am crocheting for a neighbor. She just had a new little baby girl, and I wanted to bring her a handmade blanket, especially since I gifted her toddler with one just a couple of months ago. I think that the latest blanket is so pretty, and I'll post a picture of it later, once I have it done.

Good Recovery

2009-08-03T07:06:00.004-04:00

Hi Friends! I am happy to say that I am home from the hospital, and have had a few good days of recovery at home. I've got myself a bit of a sore tummy, but that is to be expected. I've got what looks to be a 4-5 inch incision in my abdomen that wraps around the side of my belly button, but it's hard to say. You know how they put all of those bandages on there. I guess that I've got some kind of super steri-strips over my stitches, and I think that the stitches are probably the kind that dissolve. I can't imagine them pulling these sticky bandages off with regular sutures under there. That kind of thing would get someone punched in the eye, if you know what I'm sayin'. lol

It looks like this is going to be a rather long learning curve, trying to be active and healthy while everything around (and within) me changes. When I talked with my surgeon and explained that I was running every day and lifting weights, she looked at me like I was insane. I don't think that she is going to be much help to me, as far educating me on how much I can do and can't do. My family doctor won't be much help with that either. So, it looks as though I will be mainly on my own, though my husband said that he will talk with some of his "friends" at work, at the therapy building. The gals over there might be able to share some general pointers, just to give me some rough ideas about what sounds good and what might end me back up in the hospital again.

My weight has been rather crazy these past few weeks, and certainly not any better since I've gotten home. I'm afraid that I've been a bad girl when it comes to water intake, and my food choices have been... loose. Since I haven't been able to be upright all that easily, my mom came up to help out. She cooked most of our meals, with the occasional fast food run to fill in the gaps. I will not pout and whine about the extra flub on my behind, because I really did enjoy having biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and potato salad with dinner. I don't even know how to make potato salad on my own, so that was a great treat. Now I have to pay the price for it, through a few weeks of leaner fare.

Getting my diet under control will be a little easier these days, because I won't be cooking or in the kitchen quite so much. Things have gone crazy over here, and now my sister and nephew are no longer living with us. The quiet in the house is welcome, but not. I don't know if that makes any sense or not. I always enjoy quiet time, but particularly while I'm missing my nephew so badly, the silence is deafening to the point of being painful. The only good thing that I have going for me is that I don't want to eat my sadness.

Anyway, my exercise right now consists of trying to do small household chores and taking short walks down the block. No matter how sore I am, I'm supposed to get up every 2 hours and walk, so I've been going down to see my neighbor every day. "Bob" lives down the block, and he doesn't walk around all that much either. He has bad legs, and he sits out on the porch for much of the afternoon. He started calling out to me as I shuffled down the sidewalk, and so I began sitting on his steps and talking with him for a while each day. We had talked before, but not with as much regularity. Now, we chat about tomatoes, 1940's coal mines, hunting, and the benefits of pickled foods. *laughs* He cracks me up, because I'm not sure that he ever remembers my name. He talks with his daughter on the phone frequently, and he always refers to me as "the lady on the corner", which I get a chuckle out of. It makes me sound like a hooker, and not just his friendly neighbor. Heehee.... Really, ya gotta just love cranky old guys for company. I feel like I'm living in the movie, "Grumpy Old Men."

I'll probably be on here much more frequently now. I guess the main reason is that I don't have anyone else to talk with about health/fitness things anymore. Then, there is that thing with the house being so quiet. Since I'm not well enough to do heavy housework yet, I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, and boredom issues. I've started crocheting a baby blanket for my other neighbor, since her daughter just brought her new baby home this week. That should help keep me busy for a few days. Maybe by the time I get done with the blanket, I will have thought of other ways to keep myself occupied, so my brain doesn't turn to mush- and I don't end up eating us out of house and home because of boredom. That was a lovely run-on sentence, wasn't it? lol

Alrighty, My Friends

2009-07-26T09:44:00.000-04:00

I will see y'all in a few days, if I'm up to it. I'm going to bed early this morning, because I have to be at the hospital by 5:30 a.m. . That is way too early. lol

Wholly Crap, Batman!

2009-07-22T11:42:00.004-04:00

I've had poo in my brain, I think. My head is just a big pile of mess, which is how I explain that I was curled up in bed last night, trying not to have some crazy anxiety attack. My insides are going to be on my outside on Monday, and I am freaking out a bit about it, which is just "not me".

Maybe some of my mental drama is because I don't know how bad it is in there. I'm in pain from my old C-Section scar, all the way up to my waist. I can either be gifted with a neat little 4" incision, or I can wake up to find that things were worse and I look like Frankenstein's Monster. I'm sure to have the moaning and groaning down. All I'll need are some bolts in my neck.

Now, I had wanted to be incredibly diligent with my dietary needs, and hopefully lose some weight before going into the hospital. I'll give ya three guesses as to how that has gone. The nurse at the hospital said that I can't take my pain meds this week, unless I want to take some Tylenol. She seemed to be surprised that I'm in pain. Now, I'm not a wimpy gal. I feel the need to say that. There are some people who act like they are going to die from a paper cut. I am not one of those people. I have a high pain threshold, probably from being put into so much damned pain. Let me just go on the record as saying that despite how many medical professionals seem surprised that I'm hurting, I'm in a lot of friggin pain! Best yet, neither of my doctors thought that I might actually have need of prescription pain medication during my wait to be hospitalized.

Maybe I'm slow, and I don't understand how these things normally work. When your doctor says that your abdominal wall is all jacked up with scar tissue and is now tearing apart because of the strain... shouldn't someone expect that it might hurt a bit? Blah. Nevermind me. I'm just cranky. What I find darkly funny is that the nurse said that they would want me to evaluate my pain and give them a number from 1-10. I feel as though someone is continually jabbing me with a searing knife and dragging it through my guts. What kind of number is that? When you've been living with it for a while and the pain becomes so familiar, what kind of number do you give it then? I don't even know how much pain I am in, because I've gotten used to so much of it all the time. I think it sounds like a grand idea for them to give me some drugs and then ask me to rate my relief, instead of my pain. It might be more accurate.

Um. So I've been in a not good place. You can imagine how my lofty ideas of losing weight has gone. My brain says, "Eat well and rest." The little gremlin inside my brain begins chewing on my gray matter, and it says, "Eat everything until you are stuffed and so fuzzy and overcome that you can sleep like the dead." Since my brain has neither teeth nor claw to fight this hungry little gremlin, it hasn't been winning. I've been eating too much, and most of it crap. I'm having a hard time building up any motivation to stand in front of the stove and cook meals. I've been so stressed out at home, on top of my pain, that I feel like just grabbing my skillets and running through the house, busting people up. I don't like cussing, but anymore I feel like I am just constantly surrounded by whining, bitching, and general laziness. I swear, I'm going to just explode.

So, while I am anxious about going in the hospital, there is a part of me that is really looking forward to it. I have to pay in pain for a little bit of peace and quiet.

Still Hanging Out

2009-07-20T11:26:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm still here, hanging on by the tips of my fingers. I'm resolved to knocking off a couple of pounds this week, if I can manage that without exercise. I'm increasing my water intake, and am going to work harder on eating good foods in the proper portions.

I'm grumpy about being a little squishier than I had been a few months ago, but there is no one else to make grumpy eyebrows at but myself. Even though I can't exercise, that doesn't mean that I need to sit and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or hotdogs.

As crazy as it probably sounds, I'm looking forward to the trial of being bed-bound. For at least a few short days, I won't be free to pace through the kitchen, looking for food. Hopefully the time of rest will help me to overcome my cravings.

Happy Saturday to You

2009-07-11T10:29:00.003-04:00

I tried a "Green Monster" last night, and I have to say that I must have put too much spinach in it. Boy, I could taste that spinach, and it wasn't so yummy. So, the next time that I make one, I'm going to up the fruit a little bit, and decrease the spinach a little bit.

This morning, I tried something a little different to try and help me through the morning hours. I had a cup of Corn Chex, but I added a scoop of protein powder to my Almond Breeze. I don't care for eating cereal very often, because I always end up terribly hungry in an hour. However, I also didn't want to cook on the stove. It has been horribly hot, and after a night of tossing and turning, I didn't want to stand next to a hot stove. Yuck.

I picked up a cute little egg slicer last night, when I went to the store. It's a little egg man, and he stands on these little feet. I'd like to add some egg to my salads and sandwiches, so a slicer will be very helpful.

Alrighty, I think that I'm going to get a move on and get off of here. Have a wonderful day!

Out, Damned Spot... of Ice Cream!

2009-07-10T12:42:00.006-04:00

I got myself in a spot of trouble yesterday with chocolate & peanut butter frozen yogurt. D'oh. I threw half of it away, but still- it put me in a bad frame of mind. Even though I threw that half away, I came home and had ice cream after dinner. I tell ya, it's enough to make me want to start banging my head on a wall, hoping to knock some sense into me.

All in all, it's not like I took some kind of hit on the scale, but it's still rather stupid. I know what I should be eating, and I even brought a snack with me when we went to walk around at the street fair. Pumpkin was panting and griping about the heat a bit, and then she just lit up when she saw the ice cream shoppe. So, my little bag of pretzels was abandoned to my purse, and we ate ice cream (frozen yogurt for me) as we walked around and looked at all of the over-priced crafts and art.

My rational mind says that there is no reason why I would want to dip into my husband's carton of chocolate and marshmallow ice cream later on that evening. My addicted self, however, looks at the sugary crap like it's crack. Gotta have it. So what if it's going to slowly click closed the restraints of bondage to garbage, stealing away my freedom of movement, and most likely saddling me with diabetes eventually. It really is a constant battle, whether I'm seeing it in the number on the scale or not. I can either love myself or hate myself, and it always comes down to the moment by moment battle over the person that I want to be.

* * *
The Wolf You Feed

An elder Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me.. it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith."

"This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too", he added.

The Grandchildren thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied... "The one you feed."
* * *

Hospitalization, Recovery, & Nutrition

2009-07-08T14:11:00.004-04:00

My appointment with the surgeon was short and sweet this morning. It didn't take her long to determine that the muscle of my abdomen has torn and separated. I'm not completely clear about the explanation that she gave, but it had to do with compromised muscle resulting from my two previous vertical c-section incisions and having my gall bladder surgery having been done through my belly button. There was only a 4 inch section of my abdomen, below my belly button, that hasn't been scarred. All that will change on the 23rd.

In a couple of weeks, I am going to have my muscle sewn back together. I'll even be gifted with a sheet of mesh that will be attached, to keep my guts from trying to pop out again. *chuckles* After having a bad time with the spinal when I had my daughter, I'm opting to be completely knocked out this time around. That's much easier to take than crazy muscle spasms, leaking spinal fluid, and blood patches. I'd much rather have a nap.

What has me concerned is that I am going to need time to recover. After I come home from the hospital, I will be very dependent on my husband. I'm rather worried about this surgery acting as a setback in my renewed vigor toward making good choices. That may sound stupid to some people, but probably only those who don't know what it is like to find a "sober" period with food after having been in a rather "drunken" state.

Now, I thought that maybe I should pack the freezer with my favorite frozen Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine meals, but I'm concerned about the sodium content. I know that they add potassium to counteract the affects of high sodium, and yet I know that having too much potassium is bad for a person also.

My other concern is that I don't know how much I should be eating while my body recovers. I'm kind of lost, knowing that I will be laying down a lot, walking very slowly when I DO move, and not knowing how much I should feed my body under these circumstances. Normally, I would just throw up my hands and try not to think about any of this stuff, but this is important to me right now. Because of my poor coping skills when dealing with pain, I've eaten myself an extra 8-1/2 lbs. onto my body already. I'm working hard to keep my head in the game and get a handle on this, which is why I'm so worried. Eight and a half pounds isn't a ton of weight, but it will only get harder to get it all off if I put on any more.

With all of that in mind, I'm focused tightly on eating a clean diet and trying to move as much as I can. I've got these two weeks to do as much good as I can for myself before having to switch to "lay around the house and eat Motrin" mode.

An Early Morning

2009-07-08T07:38:00.003-04:00

I'm not used to being up too early, just because I don't have to be. *chuckles* This morning, I have to be up, because I have to go and visit a surgeon and have her poke around my guts to see what is going on in there.

Let's see... I've got a little catching up to do. Here are my numbers for yesterday.

Calories: 1,476
Fat: 30%
Carb: 52%
Fiber: 28g.
Protein: 21%

- 300 calories from a brisk walk.

I find it rather amusing, in a disturbing way, that I can plow through the calories so easily if I'm not caring what I eat- but it can be hard to eat enough when I'm choosing healthier foods. I sat down and ate peanut butter off of a spoon last night, to get myself up to that 1,476. I don't normally do that, just because peanut butter is very calorie dense.

I'm down another 1/2 lb. now, which makes 2 lbs. that have melted off in as many days. I know that water weight is an issue, and I don't even care. I'm just happy to see the scale move in a downward direction.

Well, I had better finish getting ready for my appointment. I'll pop on here later and share my numbers for today.

Lazy Eater

2009-07-07T12:42:00.003-04:00

Rut Roh. I'm turning into the lazy eater of food these days. Instead of really focusing on what I need to be eating, I'm shuffling through the shelves looking for something healthy and easy to make. That's not working out so well for me. Instead, I'm sitting her blogging, instead of eating lunch.

I did real well yesterday, and I feel completely empowered to do it again today. I think that one of my problems is that I tend to back away from cooking a little bit when I am watching my food choices real close, because having too much good food around tempts me a great deal. For instance, I thought about eating a packet of this nasty "weight control" oatmeal that was in the cupboard, just because I knew that it would fill me up- but I wouldn't enjoy it all that much. I'm sure that that sounds pretty messed up.

If I enjoy myself too much, I keep eating. If the food is gone, I pace the house, wanting more. There are times when I purposefully have a day or two when I eat a completely bland diet, just because it helps me to become a sane person again. Sometimes I really feel like food is my crack. Yuck.

I like watching this show called "The Cleaner", and it deals with people who are addicted to various things. It's anything- drugs, sex, gambling, eating disorders, and the like. I watch the show and see the ways that they justify their behavior. When they can't have what they think they need, they get nutty and unstable. While I don't act the very same way, I can see little shadows of my own behavior with food in there. Ah, but I can't just stop eating. I wish it were that simple. It makes me wonder if there have been any overweight people who have just opted to bypass regular eating, choosing to have a feeding tube put in. I couldn't do such a thing, but the idea of not putting food in my mouth sounds helpful.

Well, I guess I had better go and find something good to put in me. I just ate vegetables before running out of the house this morning, so I need something more substantial now.

I Needed That

2009-07-07T00:10:00.004-04:00

Oh goodness, I have needed this good day! I made it through a day of healthier eating without going nuts. That's a good change after how out of my head I have been lately. I even got in 30 minutes of exercise this afternoon. Yay.

Now, all I need to do is do it all over again tomorrow.

Summary
Mixed Vegetables, Steamed ...120
Oatmeal packet... 160
Lite Yogurt...80
Mashed Potato...103
Chicken Breast... 69
Evaporated Milk (1 fl. oz)...21
Coffee w/ Creamer...20
Lite Yogurt...80
Lean Cuisine: Salsbury Steak w/ Mac & Cheese...280
Cucumber, raw...25
Doughnut, small...151
Beef Jerky, 1 oz...80
Coffee w/ Creamer...20

Calories: 1,207
Fat: 20%
Carb: 53%
Fiber: 17 g.
Protein: 27%

Maybe Sane!

2009-06-26T15:03:00.003-04:00

It sounds kind of funny, but I was just sitting around and the thought popped into my head that I felt kind of sane today. Being the gal that I am, I had to laugh at myself over that just a little.

It's 3 p.m. and I don't feel nuts about food. Actually, I'm too low on the calories thus far, but I'm not fretting it. I'll eat what feels right and just leave it at that. I've got some Great Northern beans and a couple of chicken breasts in the pressure cooker right now, and they will make up the bulk of a hearty soup for tonight. It is interesting to pull out food and think about what it's affect is going to be on heating up the house, instead of fretting over whether I'm going to feel like a beached whale by 9:00 tonight. It's all good, probably because it started off well.

When I got up this morning, I had the thought that maybe I should go and step on the scale. But, then I just thought, "Hey me. I don't need to know the number on the scale to eat healthy food. I should do that all of the time, not out of some sense of panic over numbers." Granted, I wasn't freaking out anyway, but I've done that plenty enough of that over the past few months.

The scale wasn't mean to be at all. I mean, there was no magic loss of weight, but I hadn't earned anything like that either. I'm hanging at 6 lbs. higher than my lowest weight. That's not horrible, and is completely fixable. What I am noticing though is that the lack of exercise is changing my body shape. I am still working out, but not anywhere near the level that I had been. I just can't, physically speaking. I'm just not as firm as I was, and that is a bit of a disappointment. Still, there's not much to be done about it. I have yet to find a general surgeon who takes my insurance. My HMO really sucks in this regard. There are lots of doctors, but their specialties aren't specifically listed. So, everyone is listed under general surgery, even if they do vascular surgery or even bariatric surgery. It's all damned frustrating. My husband is so upset that he's talked about buying supplemental insurance to make it easier for us to see doctors that we choose, and ones that are easier to find. He's just a mite angry after all of the trouble that we had in even attempting to get that custom brace that my orthopedic surgeon said was my only chance to walk with less pain, short of having my legs broken and pinned in multiple places. Now, I'm struggling to find someone to sew my tummy so it doesn't feel like my guts will fall out. Good fun. *sigh*

Though I'm getting a little softer, I'm still doing alright. This just means that I need to have more of these 'sane' days to help move the scale in a downward progression. I'm not in a big hurry, so that works in my favor. If I could even just lose 1/2 to 1 lb. per week, that would be plenty enough for me. I'm not uncomfortable in my skin... or rather, I'm not uncomfortable with the way that I look and such. lol I just want to keep losing weight, instead of gaining.

Treading Water

2009-06-22T11:57:00.005-04:00

I seem to be choking on a little water now and again also. There are lots of things going on with me right now, and they feel like swimming with boots on. While they aren't necessarily pulling me down, it makes it a lot harder to accomplish anything measurable.

I'm finding that as time goes by, I am becoming more and more upset. I am unhappy nearly all of the time, and stressed out. I want some peace, but it's not easy for me to come by these days, and that is making it harder for me to keep my head in the right place when it comes to food choices. It almost makes me wish that I were one of those people who find it impossible to eat when they are upset, because I'd be downright skinny by now. *sad laugh*

Because I need something to do that doesn't involve the screaming headache that is my former haven, I've taken to doing the yard work. That gives me a good two hours of time outside where I can turn on my music and enjoy the physical exertion. It's a kind of dicey thing to do, since I'm supposed to watch what I'm doing, because of my hernia. I'm at a point where mental health is trumping physical health. The only other down-side is that I only have so much weed-whacking and lawn mowing to do.

When I feel well enough to do legitimate exercise, I've been using my new "Walk Away The Pounds" 5 mile DVD. I had the three-tape set, but they are very old and worn. So, I invested in a new DVD. I was used to the old 2-3 mile "walks" with the weights, and I was a little surprised to see that this 5 mile workout is much different. I've gotten through three miles now, and there are no weights. Maybe if I were feeling like Wonder Woman, I might feel disappointed, but right now it is a relief. On the flip side, these are faster mile times. The tapes worked out to a 15 minute mile, and the DVD has 12 minute miles. There is even some jogging and high impact moves. I can do the jogging, but the other stuff bounces me around to much and hurts my guts. It makes me think that I should invest in some kind of abdominal support, at least to use until I can get my muscle all sewn back together. I don't need my guts all falling out on me. lol

It's bothering me that I am drinking a lot of coffee these days. Well, at least it seems like a lot of coffee to me. I'm probably drinking 4-5 cups of coffee per day. I think that what bothers me the most is that I find myself drinking it to try and cut back on my calories during the day, knowing that I struggle so hard not to eat like a mad creature in the evening. It's not that I am starving so badly after a day of relative fasting, but just that some kind of switch flips after dinner, and I want to eat everything in sight. It doesn't matter how much I've had to eat during the day. I just go insane with food lust at night. It almost makes me wish that we could lock down the kitchen after dinner, but that isn't possible. Every other person in the house is eating in the evening, but I'm the only one who has troubles with the food.

I've been crying on my husband's shoulder a bit lately, at least figuratively. I don't cry that much. (Maybe I should! It might keep me from being so wound up and grumpy.) I was really freaking out the other day because I stepped on the scale and it said... 200 lbs. . I'm sure that you can just imagine the level of panic that I was experiencing. I went to my husband and just started spilling my guts to him about how freaked out I have been over my mysterious weight gains. Seriously, I've been putting on about a pound per day. I cannot be eating anywhere near enough food to account for that kind of weight gain. Even when I've been eating completely "on plan" and drinking all of my water, I've still gained that pound. So, seeing that 200 on the scale put me into a very dangerous place, mentally. I told my husband about my fears of putting the weight back on, and how I feel so frustrated about being continually hurt. I just wanted to ball my eyes out. He suggested that it was maybe a hormonal thing, but I explained that my period was weeks away. Then, I started having womanly issues yesterday.

I don't know what is going on with me. Really. I stepped on the scale this morning, and it read 197. It's not great, but at least it is down by 3 lbs. . I feel like I'm on a crazy roller coaster. I want to keep the scale moving down, but I'm not really sure how to accomplish that sometimes. I know that this stress that I'm under is messing with me. Not being able to exercise like normal is hindering my progress. Both of those things is leading to more time spent sitting around, wishing that I could be more active. Oh yeah, and that causes me to sit and do battle with myself, trying to avoid the food. I cannot handle inactivity. I just can't sit around bored. What worries me even more is even the idea of having to depend on other people to get things done while I recover from surgery. That goes a long way in explaining why I've been putting off making an appointment with the surgeon.

Walking Away My Pounds

2009-06-10T14:31:00.004-04:00

I tried to walk on the XL Glider the other day, and that didn't work out so well for me. I think that I made it about 15 minutes before I decided that I couldn't do it anymore, and I sat down to rest. Well, today I put on my "Walk Away The Pounds" 2 mile video. I'm happy to say that I got through it!

I have to say that my pride is a little sore, because I am unable to use weights at all as I try to exercise. I noticed that so long as I didn't try to raise my knees too high, I can jog in place with only a little bit of pain. Since sitting on my butt, doing nothing, causes me pain- that's not too bad. Longer strides, like on the glider, hurt. So, maybe I'll just jog in place for a little while each day to try and stay active until I can get this hernia fixed.

My eating hasn't been stellar. I'm certainly not making the best food choices, and that causes me to feel more than a little disappointed in myself. I guess that is why I feel so determined to find some way to get at least a little exercise in. I find that I'm just becoming saddened and grumpy by the pain, and the frustration of being continually hurt. If it's not one thing, it's another. First it was an injured foot, then I managed to put my hip out, and now I have this hernia in my abdomen. My emotions are all over the place, and so everything else is suffering as my head isn't in the game the way that it should be.

I guess that the good news is that I haven't had a bad hit on the scale. I don't know how much of that is simply me trading muscle in for fat though. I have to be very careful about lifting weights right now, and that is such a disappointment. It's rather difficult to isolate my different muscle groups, trying to retain some kind of muscle tone while using my abs as little as possible. Over the past month or so, I've slowly crept up about 5 lbs. or so, sometimes a bit less than that. It's interesting how such a small amount of weight has messed with my head so much. Instead of looking at how much good I've done my body, I'm being overly critical of every bump and jiggle. Ick. I'm still trying to find a way to help shake myself out of this funk. At least I got a good workout in!!

And Because I'm So Lucky...

2009-06-06T17:22:00.003-04:00

I don't know if I've mentioned it before or not, but I've been experiencing some pretty frustrating abdominal pain for the past few months. At first, I thought that I was experiencing scar pain, because I have a pretty wicked vertical scar from the emergency c-sections that I've had. From time to time, I've had some discomfort because of the scar tissue. As time has gone by though, it has gotten worse. I then figured that maybe I had just overdone it with the exercise. Maybe that IS the answer, but I earned myself more than a little muscle soreness.

I went to see my doctor this morning, and he referred me to a surgeon. It appears that I have a hernia in my abdominal wall. I'm not a fan of being cut on, but I'd love to not be living with continual pain. A few days of more intense pain will be a reasonable trade in order to be done with the lingering burn that plagues me now.

I'm not sure what this means for my exercise routine, both now and later. I'm frustrated with the weakness of my body, but it seems that I'm destined for injury no matter how careful I try to be. It's enough to make me want to stomp my foot a few times.

Nearly Home

2009-06-04T19:58:00.004-04:00

I've had a lot of fun while on vacation this past week. I always love spending time with my grandparents, my uncle, and my mama. I'm always sad when it's time to come home, because you never know whether you'll be able to all come together the next year. Life is like that.

We had a great time swimming in the pool, and playing with Grandma's little puppy. I've walked the lane for exercise, and waved at the neighbors as they came out to walk too. We've seen Mocking Birds for the first time, moo-ed at cows, played old video games, and even visited the Tennessee Aquarium. We adults ogled the sights with as much enthusiasm as my 8 year old daughter. My favorite creature was the weedy sea dragon. I loved the jellies too though.

My husband and I went for a drive through the country this morning, just looking around. We love just taking in the views. Some people that these things for granted, but I live in a poor suburb. I see more broken glass and overtaken concrete than anything else. It's refreshing to see rolling hills and tree-laden mountains.

My diet has been pretty atrocious. I'm being honest, at least. I couldn't have brought special groceries, because my grandma never has room for that stuff. Her fridge is an amazing work of balancing and good 'ole stuffing. I'd also never dream of hurting my grandma's feelings by not eating her fried pork chop, or spaghetti. So, I've eaten what the family has eaten, and maybe I'll pay for it a little bit. That's ok. I've been active by walking and swimming every day. I've even managed to get in a few squats and leg raises. I'm not going to worry or fuss about any of it though. There will be plenty of time to get down to the business of knocking off pounds once I get home.

It will be nice to get home and have more control over my routine. It's going to be a little sad too. I'm not usually sad to go home, but I am this year. Maybe it is just my stress levels of late, and maybe a bit of dread over how DH is going to handle watching his papa get more and more sick. All in all, it has been relaxing to be here. I can sit out on the porch with a book and just relax while listening to the birds. I can swim and play with my daughter without having to worry about what anyone else needs of me at the time. Life must get back to normal, I guess.

If there is something that I'm going to take away with me, it is that I want to take more time to play with my daughter. We've had a lot of fun just spending time together, whether it has been splashing around in the pool, or sitting and brushing her hair for an hour while watching a movie. I've missed her, and that sounds strange, since we are always together. I guess life has just been too busy. We need to slow things down a little bit. We can take that home with us- a little bit of SLOW from Tennessee.

Quietness

2009-05-31T09:31:00.003-04:00

I know that I've been real quiet of late, but I am vacationing in Tennessee! This has been my first opportunity to really sit down and tap out anything on the computer.

We made the trip in just over 10 hours, and have spent the past couple of days enjoying the good company of our family. Papa and Grandma took us out to the pizza buffet after we got in, and I am happy to say that I ate a very modest portion. I had a little help, since I have a head cold right now, and it just saps any real desire to eat right out of me.

Yesterday, we drove into Athens and walked around the "Moofest" street fair. It was pretty much just like the street fairs that we have at home, except that they had a couple of cows there. *laughs*

Today is supposed to be even warmer than yesterday, so hopefully the pool water won't be so cold. It was fine for my daughter, because she's got her enthusiasm to keep her warm. I gave up on freezing myself, and I just worked on getting a little bit of a tan. I'm going to put my shoes on and go walk some laps along the little lane at the end of the drive. It's beautiful, and the trees stretch over the road and shade it from the hot sun. I can't do any more than walk, since I'm still trying hard just to breathe. It will feel good to do something though.

Happy Anniversay To Me

2009-05-20T11:09:00.005-04:00

Well, today marks one year that I have been living this healthier lifestyle! Yay! I managed to lose 54.5 lbs. for the year, and I'm very happy about that.

I had wanted to do something special today, to mark the occasion, but I have some obligations to meet at the house. It makes me sad that I can't do what I had wanted, but there is no changing how things are right now.

Anyway, I'm going to celebrate with a little "30 Day Shred". *laughs* I haven't been able to do as much exercise of late, so I know that it's really going to kick my butt. However, it will feel so good!

After upping my water intake yesterday, I got a big whoosh on the scale this morning. I'm weighing in at 193.5 now that I'm hydrated. I want to work really hard for the next few days, to see if I can drive that number into the 180's before I leave for vacation. If I can manage my food reasonably well, I shouldn't come home any heavier than usual. My grandparents have a pool, and we have lots of fun swimming in there. We also have many fun activities planned that will keep my mind occupied, since I tend to eat more when I'm bored.

I'll get back to my regular scheduled programming now though. *laughs* For breakfast, I had the same thing as yesterday- oatmeal, an extra-small banana, and 3 cups of water. Once breakfast is settled, I'm putting on Jillian, so she can kick my behind.

Ok, I was right. Shred kicked my butt. It's amazing, how quickly a body loses it's stamina and strength when not being pushed! I was back to Level 1, since I've been a slug. The first few minutes were the hardest. After that though, I seemed to do pretty well. The only exercise that I abhor are the bicycle crunches. That is just too hard on my back. I can do all of the individual crunches, but the bicycle crunches just hurt.

Lunch today is my turkey sandwich w/ mustard and lettuce on pumpernickel. I also have a side of broccoli, and a diet Cream Soda that I'll sip on during the day.

This is me, Mumbling and Cursing

2009-05-19T09:09:00.008-04:00

I'm weighing in today. The scale whomped me upside my head this morning with a big ole 196 lbs of flubber.

I've been so out of sorts, and it's not really better yet. Hopefully, now that my sister is back home, I can start getting back into a better routine. This has just been an icky week for me.

I'm going to be taking pictures of my food today, and putting back a lot of water today. My water intake has been pretty much non-existent of late. I know how bad that is, so it's crazy that I haven't done something about it before now.

For breakfast, I am having my wonderful oatmeal that I love so much. It is 20 g. oats, 2 oz. Almond Breeze, 8 g. raisins, and 8 g. almonds. In addition to that, I'm nearly done with my cup that holds 3 c. of water, and I've also got an extra-small banana.

I just have to share a picture with you. While I eat my meals, I now get to listen to the incredibly cute little meows of baby kittens! Zoe just birthed them yesterday afternoon, and they live in a box under our dining table. There are 6 little babies. We only really "know" two of them though, because it is still too hard to tell them apart, since they have markings that are very similar to one another.

While we were doing homework, I grabbed another blue cup full of water.

For lunch, I have a wonderful turkey sandwich with mustard and lettuce, on pumpernickel bread. I traded in my store bakery bread for the commercially baked bread that was much more in line with what I needed. The bakery bread was 180 calories for one slice, so I had to take that slice and cut it in two in order to have a sandwich. The commercially baked bread is 120 for two full sized slices. It makes my mouth happy. Anyway, with my sandwich, I also have 6 0z. (raw) asparagus that I roasted with a couple sprays of fake butter stuff, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. That was very yummy, and I even convinced my 3 year old nephew to try it by comparing one to Jr. Asparagus from Veggie Tales. He liked it! To wash it all down, I have a cup of coffee and another blue cup that holds 3 cups of water.

I needed a snack this afternoon, something with a little crunch. I opted for some Wheat Thins, and also a banana to help me feel fuller.
Now that I'm starting to put dinner together, I'm noticing that I'm getting uncomfortable. So, I grabbed a leftover diet Cream Soda. There was about half a bottle left, and I'm sipping on that to help take the edge off of things until dinner is ready.

For dinner, I made 4 oz. baked chicken w/30 g. light ranch, 4 oz. Zatarains rice, 2 oz. corn, and 8 oz. (raw) roasted asparagus. That was a lot of food! I kind of needed that though, after having such a lean afternoon. Since we eat dinner earlier than most people, it all works out.

Pretty Good

2009-05-18T11:35:00.003-04:00

I'm doing pretty good today. My eating has still been a bit haphazard. Some decisions are real good, and then I tend to goof things up a little bit. All in all though, I haven't been doing too bad. I'm going to weigh in tomorrow, since I started taking my weight on Tuesdays, and there is no reason to stop just because the BLBE2 challenge is over.

I know that right now, I am hanging at 194.5 , which is pretty normal for me. I seem to fluctuate between 191.5-195. Since I have been struggling to find my motivation lately, I'm certainly not upset to at least be maintaining in the same spot. I want to push on and get further down on the weight scale, but it doesn't mean enough to me at this particular time. I've just got such big things on my plate, and losing weight is more of a background thought. Instead, I'm just trying to not eat a bunch of junk, and still be active.

I'm pretty sure that we all know that losing weight is more about where one's mind is, more than numbers. I am an emotional creature, and that is where I struggle with weight. I hit a bit road-block last week when reading my sister's "goodbye" letter that she left behind for me. In the letter, she said that she was proud of me for losing weight. That was basically the only thing that she said, other than that she thought I would be ok, and that she trusted me to raise her son. It hit me with tremendous force, like a sledgehammer to the chest- I don't like that of all the things anyone could say about me, that my weight loss would find itself in a suicide letter. I know that she didn't mean it this way, but I can't help but feel that all that I am and what I do was reduced to something as meaningless as the size of my jeans. If anyone is going to be proud of me, I desire with all of my heart that it would be for the ways that I try more and more to surrender myself to the Holy Spirit, to be more like Christ. I would want people to think of me, and to see Jesus, to know that my heart is so full of love and that my actions reflect that. It all just leaves me wondering if anyone really sees me, or whether my life just automatically becomes reduced to number counting, workouts, clothing sizes, etc. This weight loss journey has only ever really been for my benefit, the one selfish thing that I indulge in. I've never wanted it to define how other people think of me, particularly not my own sister- who should know me much better than most people.

All of that said, I am going out for lunch. It is time to pick my sister up, and I am going to take her to our local hole-in-the-wall so she can have something to eat that isn't hospital fare. I'm going to just have a breakfast plate of eggs and toast, and maybe some steamed potato. It's nothing fancy, but I want to do *something*. I still don't know how life is going to be with her back at home, and I'm more than a little nervous.

Attack of the Food

2009-05-16T00:10:00.004-04:00

Ugh, my food choices have been bad. I've just been eating whatever has been in front of me. I've just been in a kind of bad place, mentally, and it's been crappy for making good decisions.

I think that I existed on pretzels yesterday, until my husband brought pizza home for dinner. I was so busy, clearing out my computer room and hauling my sister's bed up the stairs and into that room. Instead of eating, I just grabbed pretzels a few at a time and kept on moving. That has been the standard for the past couple of days. I've been working my butt off, trying to get things in order at the house while taking care of the kids.

Now that I am getting used to what needs to be done to keep my nephew from flushing toys down the toilet or squirting shampoo down the laundry chute, I think that I'm ready to get a grip and get back to business. I'm a little afraid to step on the scale, but I'm not going to shy away from it. I'll take my knock, and then I'll do what needs to be done- healthy eating and exercise.

I don't know what I've managed to do to myself, but my chest still hurts. It is the craziest thing. I almost wonder if I didn't pull something, just by the tension in my body, and how hard I was clenching down on myself to try and control the shaking. I think that until I start to feel like I'm at 100%, I'll just stick to some moderate exercise videos, like my 'Walk Away The Pounds" tapes. The big thing is going to be squaring my shoulders and clamping down on my diet.

Trying to Do This Thing

2009-05-13T11:35:00.004-04:00

I don't have a picture, but I had a medium sized bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch this morning. It was probably 1.5 servings, and I used 2% milk for it- maybe 3/4 of a cup. I'm drinking a cup of coffee right now, still nursing the one that I poured when my dad showed up this morning. He took Pumpkin with him when he went off to Hallmark. Today, ironically enough, is my sister's 26th birthday. He's going to take a card up to the hospital for her. I have gifts and a card for her, but I'm still trying to determine whether I'm going to go and visit her or not. I'm sure that they won't let her have gifts up there, but there isn't any threat in a card.

Lunch is a bowl of leftover chicken soup that I had made a couple days ago. I think that it might be light enough that I won't feel too sick. I'm also nibbling on a serving of pretzels, since they seem to calm my stomach a bit. That puts me at about 603 calories for breakfast and lunch.

No Foods For You

2009-05-13T01:23:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to be posting food stuff today (it's after midnight, I can say that). My little sister tried to end her life by swallowing a bunch of pills this evening. I'm a headcase right now. For the first time that I can ever remember, I'm having chest pains. I'm sure that it is some kind of anxiety attack. I'm alternating between flipping out and struggling not to put my fists through the wall, and just sitting in one spot feeling rather empty and still.

I'll be spending the daytime hours running around after the kids. I'm not used to chasing after both of them by myself. It shouldn't be difficult, but this boy child has a rare talent for getting into trouble. He's the only kid that I know who could cut his hair with stolen scissors, burn a house down, and squirt toothpaste down the laundry chute all in a nanosecond.

Happy Tuesday to You.

2009-05-12T11:02:00.003-04:00

For breakfast, I just went with the good 'ole oatmeal. I've got 20 g. oats, 8 g. almonds, 8 g. raisins, and a small banana. I usually add Almond Breeze, but I forgot it. I had cobwebs in my head, I think. Breakfast is 234 calories.

To help me get through my munchies after breakfast, I had a cup of coffee. It always helps to quiet my hunger monster.

For lunch, I had a turkey sandwich on pumpernickel bread. There was also a side of Fiesta-style veggies. I sure do love my diet Cream Soda. I nursed this one all day.

Dinner was simple. I had 3 oz. of chicken breast, a biscuit, 1/2 c. mashed potatoes, and 3 oz. of mixed veggies. After I took this picture, I shredded my chicken and added 1/4 c. of light gravy for an extra 20 calories. For dessert.... I had another biscuit, with a tablespoon of honey on it.

For my final meal of the night, I am having 8 oz. of mushrooms. I roasted them with a few sprays of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray, garlic powder, onion powder, and pepper. For something light and cleansing, I am having 10 oz. of watermelon. I need to hurry and eat it before it completely turns to mush. lol

I stayed around the house this afternoon and did some chores, and worked on the blanket that I'm crocheting. Since I wasn't all that active earlier, I hit the walking track at the park for a walk/jog. I got a good sweat on during my 4 mile workout. I'm hoping that if I keep working at it, I can start knocking minutes off of my 5k time. I'm not any kind of serious runner, but I do have some little bit of pride- and it can't stand the slowness of my run. *laughs* If I can get my 5k time down to 35 minutes, I will be marvelously happy.

Man-Handling the Chaos (It's Monday Again!)

2009-05-11T12:27:00.007-04:00

Life has been rather interesting for a few days now. There has been some painful drama at the house, and it is starting to wear a hole in me. My sister is sad and doesn't want to do anything, and it just eats at me all day. I realized that this is all going to be harder than I though, when I woke up this morning and just did not want to get out of bed and see anyone. I don't do stress well.

Intent on not sinking into the Nothing, I jumped out of bed and threw some exercise clothes on, and grabbed my gym shoes. I snagged workout pants with a drawstring waist this time, having learned my lesson last week- when my pants fell right off my butt. It's a good thing that I was wearing a long top! I didn't want a repeat of that em-bare-ass-ment. *chuckles* I grabbed my MP3 player and took off for a jog. I completed a 5k this morning, on an empty stomach, just to work through my feelings. Then I came home and started sucking down water, trying all that time not to throw up. I've learned my lesson. I'll eat something first, next time.

For breakfast, I had a small banana after bolting some water. Then, I settled for a packet of instant oatmeal, strawberries & cream. (222 calories) I don't really have time for anything else. I've got chores up to my eyeballs, and little help. So, I'm going to just get started, and then enjoy more substantial foods later. I have some beans and chicken in the pressure cooker. I'm going to make a soup with that little bit of chicken, the Great Northern beans, carrots, and corn. I'll pop biscuits in the oven, and that will be dinner. In the meantime though, I need to go and mow the grass.

* * *

Ok, I'm back for lunch. Um. It sucks. I'm up to my eyeballs in work, and I'm just pissed off. I don't say that much, but I am. I got the grass cut, but the pull string on the mower slipped out of my hand and somehow whipped back and clipped me across the face. That stung so bad I had to check for blood. It just poked some already tender and angry feelings that I'm having today. Then, the neighbor across the street walked over to move the kids' toys out from behind my next-door neighbor's vehicle. That was darned embarassing, made more so because I can't believe that they were left like that in the first place. Gwar. It's not fair for me to be so angry today, but I am. I feel helpless and hectic, not knowing what is alright to say and what is going to make people upset, and all of that just ties me in knots and makes me pissed off. I hate feeling like my hands are tied. I guess my Irish temper is showing a bit today. I'm having a Callahan Day. lol

Anyway, like I said- lunch sucks. I can't find much to eat right now. I have 10 oz. of watermelon and a yogurt cup with 8 oz. of almonds thrown in. I was trying to find some way to get a little fat and protein in, because I acknowledge that my food choices are not so great right now. Yup, that would be a whole 217 calories for lunch. Not good. I need to get off of here though and finish eating so I can get this load of laundry put away before the other is finished drying, and the dishes are still calling for attention.
During the afternoon, I stopped working around the house to have a small snack of pretzels between loads of laundry.

For dinner, we had some simple soup that I made from the little bit of chicken that I had in the freezer, some Great Northern beans, creamed corn, and a wee bit of mashed potato flakes. All in all, it was a very yummy soup, and it got us all fed. I also baked some biscuits that I bought for 50% off during my last grocery trip. Sorry, I forgot to take the picture until I was nearly done eating. *chuckles*

I'm sipping on the leftovers from a bottle of my diet Cream Soda.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T11:16:00.005-04:00

Howdy!!
For breakfast this morning, I am having my oatmeal and a yogurt cup (236 calories). I'll have a bigger lunch, to try and even things out a bit, but that won't be for a while. I've got to call my mom and talk with her, and then go birthday shopping for my little sister's birthday this week.

Now that I'm back from shopping, I made a pretty substantial lunch from what I had sitting around. There is a leftover biscuit, 2 eggs over-medium, and 10 oz. of watermelon for 430 calories.
I really needed that. I was out too long, and it's almost 3 p.m. already. I was starting to feel a little crazy while we were out. I am running real low on food staples, so I will just have to poke through the pantry later and see what there is to have for dinner. We had Chinese takeout for dinner last night, and there are tons of leftovers for everyone else to eat. I was very careful with the takeout, but there is no denying that no matter how careful I am- that stuff is not a good source of nutrition. I can't even think about how much MSG was probably in the little amount of sauce that I was dipping my fork in, to eat with my chicken.

I lost track of my photo-taking this evening! D'oh. I did keep track of my food though.

-4.16 oz. raw carrots w/ 30 g. light ranch
-1 oz. pretzels
-2 c. coffee
-10 pieces of chicken w/.25 c. sauce , 1 c. rice
-2 pieces Dove chocolate

Here is my summary for the evening. My pie chart looks pretty unbalanced, but it's not an awful number of calories. That is more of a maintenance level for me, but I'm not bothered by that. Tomorrow will be a lower day, and I'm going to pound the pavement for a while with a good run. Whatever I end up doing, the big task of the day will be going grocery shopping. Pickings are getting awfully tight right now, and that makes it much harder to eat well.

Increase for Friday

2009-05-08T15:43:00.006-04:00

My weight hasn't increased, just my calorie budget for the day. I am still at 191.5 today, which is no surprise. I was running yesterday, and exercise tends to do that for me. There are also some other factors to consider, but they fall in the realm of "too much information". *chuckles*

I started my day in my usual way, with a cup of coffee. I needed a few minutes to just wake up and figure out what my game plan is for today. For the past week, I've stuck pretty close to 1,200 calories per day. That is on the very bottom of my range, so I figured that I should give myself a couple of days a little higher up on the scale. Today, I'm shooting for about 1,500 calories. Only 20 of them came from my cup of coffee though.

Since I had bigger numbers to work with this morning, I splurged a little. I had a bowl of Active Lifestyle flakes with strawberries and 3 oz. Almond Breeze. Um, it's basically the store brand "Special K" with strawberries. I also had 4 oz. of cantaloupe (which I can finally spell on my own. lol), and a Yoplait pineapple yogurt cup. That was only 308 calories for breakfast, but it was very yummy.
Sometime in the afternoon ( I didn't think to look at all), I wanted something to sip on. I grabbed a diet Cream Soda. I only drank a little bit off of it and put it in the fridge. I'll just nurse it over the day, I think. (It's a good thing that I like flat soda.) Yes, I was sewing at the time.

For lunch, I made a turkey breast sandwich on Aunt Millie's light bread, with lettuce and mustard. There was also a side of Mexican Fiesta-style veggies. This lunch was only 198 calories, but that is alright, since I eat so often. I can make up the difference somewhere else.

No one knew what they wanted to eat for dinner, and I had to hurry out for my appointment with the chiropractor. We just grabbed some tacos over at Taco Bell. I am ever the good girl though, and I got a hard taco kid's meal with a diet Pepsi. See... this is what I had...

My fast food splurge was a whole 480 calories, which put me at 1,005 calories thus far for the day. That is still substantially lower than what I had planned on eating, so I need to fix me up some yummies for this evening.
Here is my supper! I have two eggs on light bread, a bowl of my oatmeal and a yogurt cup. It's a little late for it, but I know that I won't be going to bed any time soon. My husband has company in the garage, and the guys are all working on the project car. I might as well read for a while, until he gets tired of getting dirty. Here is my summary for the day. I'm coming in at 1,468 calories for the day.

Waking Up, Getting Down

2009-05-07T10:49:00.015-04:00

I didn't do a great job with getting my pictures taken yesterday, but I had a busy evening. Here is my end-of-day summary. If you click on the picture, you can read it better. Anyway, my pie chart looks like poo, but I was so preoccupied trying to help someone that I didn't have time to round out my diet. By the time that I was able to get to bed at 12:30 a.m. , I didn't think that it would be all that helpful to eat right before sleeping.

Today is a new day though, and I am glad for it. The sun is shining a little bit and I think that we all need to get outside and enjoy it while it's here. We've got thunderstorms coming this afternoon. Ick.

I was thinking yesterday that it is silly for me to buy packets of instant oatmeal. My own oatmeal is so much better. I've got the dry oats, almonds, raisins, and Almond Breeze. That makes a much better bowl of oatmeal than the pre-packaged stuff that I keep trying to talk myself into liking. I still buy the "strawberries & cream" oatmeal, since I like their little bits of dehydrated strawberry stuff. I'm having my own oatmeal this morning though. I make small bowls of oatmeal, since I don't generally like to eat much at one time. Each bowl is 156 calories.

The scale was down again this morning, and I'm happy with what it said. I'm coming in at 191.5 again, which is where I was before I had my lapse of good judgement. I think that on some weird level, I've been dragging my feet about breaking into the 80's, because that is as far down as I've managed to get during my adult years. I'm not exactly sure why I have such anxiety about it, but I think that maybe I just feel like I can't do better than that. There's also that little thought in the back of my mind that I don't know what to do if I don't have another goal to attain. Before I get reach 160 lbs. , I think that I need to find some kind of physical goal to train for. I've never been good at "treading water".

Anyway, I need to finish breakfast and clean the kitchen. I'll be back for lunch...

Ok, I'm back from a jog around the neighborhood. I plugged all of my numbers in, and I realized that I jog in a rather pathetic fashion. *laughs* Most people walk as fast as I jog. Then again, I did slow down a couple times to a walk, because I'm just not used to running outside. It was raining, and I put my jacket on to keep from getting cold out there. By the time that I got home, it felt like it weighed 5 lbs., though I had only been out for 34 minutes. I jogged for 2.8 miles, which put me at a 4.9 mph pace. See? I'm a slow-poke. I always have been. I enjoy jogging, but it isn't a natural function for my body. Heehee...

CPH says that my little foray around the neighborhood burned 390 calories. I don't know exactly how accurate their calculations are, but I'm gonna run with it. *wink* My sore foot is still a little sore. It hurt the most at the beginning of the jog, but it felt fine after the first mile. I'm going to ice it now, and hopefully that will be plenty enough to keep me walking alright.

Now that I'm back, I grabbed some refreshment. I put down 16 oz. of water, and drank just a wee bit of diet Cream Soda that had been leftover from yesterday. I'll have another 16 oz. with lunch, and the soda is gonna last that long too. I just sip on it a little bit at a time, just to have the flavor in my mouth.

For lunch, I am having 1 c. of bean soup, the last of the pot that I cooked the other day. I also have half a turkey breast sandwich, on light bread with lettuce and mustard.

For a snack, I am grabbing a banana this afternoon. For some reason, running seems to have disrupted my system a little bit! My guts are in a bit of a twist, for some reason or another. Bananas are yummy and feels soothing. Now I am off to read a bit of my book for a while. I love reading, and it always helps to have a good, substantial book of 500 pages or so. *grins*

I still have no idea what I am having for dinner. I need to dig around in the freezer and see what I have.

For dinner, I baked some chicken legs, but I didn't think that there was going to be enough for everyone. So, I had 2 oz. of leftover ham instead. Combine the ham with some green beans and a big biscuit, and that was dinner. I know that those biscuits are a real caloric hit, but I really wanted one. I'm all about having what I want (within reason), so long as I have the room in my caloric budget. So, that is what I did. After dinner, that still only puts me at 826 calories for the day.

I had wanted to cut my watermelon today, but I think that I might just wait until the morning. I have a bit of cantaloupe to finish first. I guess I can have some more of that for a snack this evening.

For my "supper", I enjoyed a nice meal of my oatmeal and 8 oz. of cantaloupe. I also ended up drinking 4 cups of water. Yum.
To round things out and finish me off for the night, I measured out a serving of ranch Wheat Thins.
Here is my summary for the day.

Marathon, anyone?

2009-05-06T11:17:00.004-04:00

Ok folks, after watching Ron limp his way for 26.2 miles- who wants to walk/run a marathon? We have a 2 mile walking/running track at my local park, and I'm going to do it. I know that I can't run a marathon, but that's no excuse for not doing it. Come rain or shine, I'm going down to the park on May 20th to log my 26.2 miles on my "Fit-iversary". If anyone wants to join in, for part of the walk/jog, or the whole thing, you are more than welcome to huff and puff along with me. If you're going to be in the S.E. Michigan area, feel free to shoot me an email for the details. :o )

I think it's a good morning...

2009-05-06T10:47:00.005-04:00

Good morning.
I think that it is a good morning, at least. *yawns* It's almost 11 a.m. and I still don't really feel awake. I didn't sleep all that well last night, I'm still awfully sore this mornin'. My back is still out of whack, and I'm a little sore from where Doc was pressing on my hips, trying to determine whether the pain in my hip was actually originating from my hip (it isn't).

I started today with a cup of coffee and a banana. I was meaning to plan out my meals for the day, but I just don't feel like it. For some reason, I don't feel like eating. That makes it awfully hard to really think about what I want to eat, if I don't want to eat. I'll work it out. It just may take an hour or two.

Yay for Tuesday

2009-05-05T09:33:00.008-04:00

Today is "The Biggest Loser" day! *chuckles* My sister reminds me every week, which I find funny. I think that one of the reasons why it is important is because it is one of the shows that we watch together. I'm a 'loser' myself today, thankfully. The scale read another pound down this morning, which is refreshing. I think that posting pictures of my food has helped me to not cave in when I really wanted to maybe grab an easy snack that wasn't so good for me.

Since this was a help to me, I'm going to keep posting pictures for a little while. Here is my breakfast today, a bowl of Fiber One, Almond Breeze, and cantaloupe. I also have a cup of water and a few little Motrin, because I hurt my back pretty bad last night. I knew that it was already hurt, but it didn't bug me that much... until I gave it a good twist. Oops. After breakfast, I'm going to see about making an appointment with a chiropractor.

Ok, I went to the chiropractor, and he says that my lower back is going to take a little work. I'm not allowed to lift weights for a little while. In the meantime though, I can still eat good food. Here is my good food for the afternoon. Again, I have a turkey sandwich on pumpernickel, with Mexican-style veggies and a diet cream soda.

Alas, it's only 3:30 p.m. and here I am with my "please make me feel like I'm not starving" cup of coffee. *laughs* I was in such a hurry to get showered and over to the doctor's office, I forgot that I was going to scramble some eggs, in addition to my cereal. I don't want to eat that so close to dinner though, being that we eat dinner early around here.

For dinner, I'm having some of my yummy bean soup, while everyone else eats lasagna. I'm having two cups of soup, which leaves me plenty of wiggle room for a supper later. This staying up past midnight thing really causes me to have to string out my meals quite a bit. It's no wonder why I never feel like I've had enough to be "full". I should do something about that.

For supper, I ate those scrambled eggs that I forgot from breakfast, and a bowl of strawberries and cream oatmeal.

I'd say that it was around 9:30 or so when I had what was supposed to be my final snack for the night, a cup of yogurt and a slice of toast with peanut butter.

But, I started feeling a little weird a couple hours later, so I had a serving of pretzels and a cup of water to try and settle my stomach a little bit.

All in all, this is what I'm logging for the day:
Goodnight!!

Just Because Everyone Else Is Doing It

2009-05-04T11:50:00.011-04:00

I don't generally eat anything big when I first wake up. I'm too occupied trying to shake the cobwebs out of my head. So, I had a cup of coffee and a very small banana.

It's nearly a normal person's lunch time, but I stay up way too late at night. So, all of my meals are at goofy times. Breakfast is falling at about noon today, and it consists of 3 oz. ham, 8 oz. cantaloupe (which I can't spell, and needed spell-check for. lol), and a vanilla yogurt cup. I also have a cup of water, which I'll have to drink and refill.

For lunch, I have a turkey breast sandwich on pumpernickel, with lettuce and mustard. I've also got 3 oz. of "Mexican style" veggies, and a wonderfully cold bottle of diet Cream Soda.

For dinner, we had bean soup. It's just simple soup that I made with 1/2 lb. of Great Northern beans and about 3 oz. of ham. Add a little salt, pepper, garlic powder, and onion powder- and there is soup. I was too lazy to bake the corn muffins in the oven, so I just heated up my cast iron griddle that was already on the stove, and I cooked them like pancakes. I had two cups of soup, and two little corn cakes.

I was feeling the munchies coming on, so I hurriedly grabbed my MP3 player and went for a walk. Now that I'm home (and more sane), I'm sitting down with a cup of coffee.

For an evening snack, I have some cantaloupe and string cheese. Yummy.

Edit: I stayed up until nearly midnight, so I had a small snack of air-popped popcorn. It was a whole 25 calories that needs to be added to my totals. :o )

Today's Exercise
Results:Totals: 800 calories in 1 hr 32 min

Calisthenics - light or moderate
103 calories in 20 min
Walking
438 calories in 50 min (3.64 miles at 4.4 mph)
Totals from Previous Calculations
259 calories in 22 min

Good Morning Again, World.

2009-05-04T09:59:00.003-04:00

Top O' Da Mornin'
I've got a cup of coffee in my hand, and the sun is shining. It makes everything in the world feel 'right'. *laughs* It also helps that the washer is already running, and I'm nearly caught up with the clothes that needed to be folded and put away. It's good to feel productive while it's still morning. *wink*

My foot is feeling pretty good this morning. I was wary of putting shoes on, but I needed to put something on, as I was going down into the basement. I'm a crazy gal when it comes to having clean socks. I wear slippers constantly because I want my clean socks, but my slippers have sprung holes. That was a sad, sad day. Anyway, even though I have my shoe on, my foot feels alright. I'm going to go out on a limb this morning and try "power" walking on my glider this morning. I'm going to shoot for a consistent 4 mph, though I'm not sure how long I'll be able to do it yet. On the plus side, the glider doesn't have the same motion as the elliptical, so I don't raise up on my toes on the back-end. That may work to my advantage in a big way.

Jillian Michaels
I just caught the last bit of her appearance on Huckabee last night, which bummed me out. I had been meaning to set the DVR to record it, but then forgot. Oops. Such is life with C.R.S. I guess.

What I did see, Jillian was talking about all of the toxins that we ingest or come in contact with, and how they can mess up one's metabolism. Let me first say that I love Jillian Michaels. I listen to her podcasts, so it didn't take me long to realize that I've heard these talking points before. She has shared her thoughts on toxins in the foods (really doesn't like chicken, which was a surprise to me at first). In the end though, for as much as I love Jill, I just can't follow her advice on eliminating said toxins. I have no glass tupper containers. I don't even buy tupperwear, but instead reuse old margarine tubs and the like. I'm a little bit of a tightwad. I have to be though, to make my husband's hard-earned money feed, clothe, and shelter 4 adults and two children. (It would be easier if we just had more kids, I'm sure.)

Being that I have many "crunchy" mom friends who raise their own food, sew their own clothes, etc. , I am very aware of all the ways that people can change their lives to life a "toxin free" existence. I guess that I'm just not willing to put that much time, money, and effort into doing all of that- only to get cancer from all of the other toxins that are completely out of my control. Does that make sense? If I know that something is going to make me really sick, I'm not going to eat (or use) it. I guess that explains why I don't drink or smoke. I can even try to buy wild salmon, instead of the farmed fish that have so much mercury. I'm pretty sure that my plastic wrap isn't going to kill me though. Maybe a strong wind will blow through my kitchen and the roll will get wrapped around my head and suffocate me... not. I'm not worried about toxins from it though. If the plastic wrap doesn't get me, it'll be air pollution, chemicals in the water, disease, a car crash, or more likely a heart attack. One way or another, I'm going to check out of this place and take up residence with the Lord. I'm sure that He offers purely organic produce and I won't need to reuse plastic margarine tubs.

My Friend, The Scale
I talked with my friend, the scale, this morning. We had a good conversation, and he was kind to me. He said that eating watermelon has helped me a lot, and that I should keep drinking my water faithfully. I now weigh one pound less, which is a good thing.

Though I was wanting to stay away from grains, I did break down and have a sandwich last night. I saw some lovely pumpernickel bread at the store last night, and just had to have it. So, I took a slice and cut it in half (to make two slices), and topped it with two small slices of turkey breast deli meat, some lettuce, and mustard. It was wonderfulness in my mouth. I think that I may do the same thing for lunch today. I never used to like dark breads when I was younger, but now I really like things that have a different taste. I also really dig on sourdough. Anyway, by keeping the portion small, I didn't undo all of my good work during the day.

I ate quite a bit of fruit yesterday. I should probably eat more veggies today. I'll see. I bought another watermelon, and I keep making eyes at it. Some of that will be in my mouth today, just you wait and see. *nods* Yum. I also bought a bag of baby apples (they are really small!) and some bananas. I don't generally like bananas all that much, but they are hitting some spot right now. I just had one with my coffee.

The Exercise Of It All
Well, I had better get my butt out of this chair. I need to go and exercise. I need to lift some weight. My muscles are just begging for it. I'm going to hit the XL Glider first though, to try and get some cardio in while the gettin' is good.

The post where I make faces at myself.....

2009-05-03T12:36:00.007-04:00

I've been grumpy the past few days. I'm not talking about a little grumpy either. It's not uncommon these days for me to just sit at the table with my head in my arms. There isn't much else to do, unless I want to switch chairs and crochet. I'm almost done with a patchwork blanket, though I don't have anyone to give it to. I just needed something to do, other than watch tv.

Pain sucks. What really bugs me is that it isn't just a sharp pain when I walk. I have a dull, constant pain. I wake up in pain. I go to bed in pain. By the time that I go to bed, my sore foot has messed up my bad knee. Add to that a horrifically bad period this week, and I've just not been feeling like myself. My sister thinks that I should go see a gynecologist about the pain that I've been having, but I'm going to wait and see what it is like next month. Technically, I've had two cycles this month, but it's not uncommon for my body to do weird things now that my sister is living with us. This past week has been awful though. My entire abdomen was tender, and instead of having any cramps, I was just in continual pain. There was no ebb and flow, it was just constant icky crap. I've dealt with this before, but it was back before I got pregnant with Ezzie in '06. Anyway, it really stunk being a big mass of pain from my abdomen to my toes.

For a few days now, I've been eating junk. Not all of my food has been junk, but I haven't been careful about the 'what' and 'how much'. For instance, we had pizza the other night because we needed dinner, I was curled up in a ball of pain, and everyone kept looking at me as the great provider of all things food. I just got so danged angry and frustrated, I just grabbed whatever cash I could scrape up and got a couple 'hot and ready' pizzas for everyone. I had two pieces. That wasn't terrible, but do you see where I'm going? I've been doing whatever is the easiest, while wearing my grumpy eyebrows over teary eyes.

My weight isn't terrible. I'm coming in at 195.5 , which is 4 lbs. heavier than my lowest weight. It's not a horrible number, but I'm not going to let this get out of control. A couple pounds of this is water, because that's just how I roll. *chuckles* The rest is assuredly some fat. I'm still trying to figure out what I can do though. I made myself walk laps around the block today. I walked 4 laps, and that is just over a mile. My foot is on fire. I'm not completely sure that I can feel my toes any more. I've tried soaking in hot water and massage. I've tried stretches and ice. Still, the darned thing hurts before I even touch my toes to the floor in the morning.

I guess the long and short of it is that I can either let the pain be an excuse, or I can find a way to work around it. Since I am feeling a little bit better, I'm going to do various leg lifts, crunches, and upper body weights today. I don't need to stand on my feet to do any of that. If I feel like the pressure is going to be ok, I can ride the recumbent bike later for some cardio. I'd say that 80% of this is dietary though, so I've got to get my game face on and try and find ways to plan around my inability to stand around in the kitchen so much, preparing food. It also wouldn't hurt to let the other two adults in the house prepare things for the kids once in a while.

Some 'no-no' foods for me right now are:
- anything sugary (aside from naturally sweet foods, like fruits)
- snack food from processed grains (dry cereals, pretzels, etc.)
- fast food

Normally, I can have small portions of all of those things. However, I've got way too much time on my hands, sitting around bored. That makes for a very bad combination.

I'm going to take this day by day, and I'll write here to give myself somewhere to virtually stomp my foot, and reason out what is going on with me. I thought about posting my foods on here, but sometimes that is more of a headache than it is worth. In this realm of diet and fitness, folks tend to go a little overboard with opinions on food choices. I'm a rather bull-headed gal, and few things annoy me as badly as someone telling me that they don't like what I'm eating. So, I'll keep track of my input, but I don't think that I'm going to post it up on here, because I'm too grumpy lately to check myself before grumping at other people. *wink*

Alright, I guess that is it for now. I need to go and get some lunch. I'm going to have some ham and fruit, and whatever vegetable that I can find that is easily cooked without my needing to hover.

Triumph!

2009-04-30T08:59:00.004-04:00

It's funny how the little things can make such a difference. I've been leaning heavily on oatmeal, yogurt, and watermelon. That is how I survived my sister's food chatter last night. *laughs* She wanted some sweets BAD, so I told her that it was fine for her to wander off and find her junk food without me, while I searched out some better groceries. She ended up buying a bag of Oreo cookies, and then kept offering me some. I wonder if she didn't just want someone to be "naughty" with her. Instead, I took myself off to the living room to watch Star Trek and eat celery.

You know, I really do not like celery. My daughter likes it though, so I cut myself some while I was making her a peanut butter and celery snack. Star Trek helped to distract me from all of the cookies that were floating around the kitchen, because I really like the Voyager episode where the doctor and Seven accidentally make a "child" through a transporter accident (episode- "Drone"). Seven is one of my favorite Voyager characters. :o ) I could have almost ignored the taste of nothingness, but not even tv could distract me from feeling like a cow with my cud. Strings!

The celery helped me feel fuller though, so I was able to get through the evening without mucking it all up with junk food. I did eat a cup of yogurt and a few cheese puffs though, but the cheese puffs rank much lower on the "I'm going to eat myself stupid" scale. They aren't a trigger food for me, so I can just have a few and then put it all away.

All in all, I did well with my eating and water intake yesterday, and I saw some good results on the scale this morning. With two solid days of good eating, I've dropped 3 pounds. Drinking water does wonderful things. *grins* Here's to day number three!! I have nothing against having the occasional higher-calorie day, but I know that I need to stick with what I am doing until I get into the middle 80's. Then I may be able to have one relaxed meal before clamping down on things again. Gotta keep those good habits, and not get into feeding my eyes and mouth, instead of my whole body.

As I was getting the house cleaned up last night, I asked my husband to take the Oreo cookies down to my sister, for her to put them away in the basement. They are now safe, and I am safe from them. lol

A Breath of Fresh Air

2009-04-28T22:37:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm getting ready to take myself off to bed. It is with great satisfaction that I can say that I did very well today and ate a very clean diet. Having the fresh watermelon in the house was a great help in that. I took in 1,216 calories today, and that is fine for my current level of exertion (or lack thereof). I was dumb and stomped my foot on the floor to get the cat's attention, because she was scratching the furniture. That was really dumb. I've been feeling that poor decision all day.

Anyway, I'm off for the night! Tomorrow is a new, beautiful day- another chance to do it all over again.

Oh, Come ON Girl !!

2009-04-28T12:17:00.004-04:00

I've been more than a little frustrated lately. Oh, this darned foot. I try to take it easy on my foot, but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm walking funny, which makes my knee hurt. My knee makes my hamstrings hurt.... which messes my back up. Of course, there isn't much that I can do about all of that. I can ice my foot and stretch it out, and I can massage my tight hamstrings. None of that frustrates me nearly as much as my mental mumbo-jumbo that I've got going on.

I don't know why, but I am finding myself eating crap. I'm doing pretty well during the day, and then I get completely stupid at night. Some of it is just that there have been foods brought into the house that are huge triggers for me. My housemates brought home $12 worth of chocolate-filled cookies. When I'm feeling weak of will and hungry, my husband pulls into the drive-thru at Tim Horton to buy donuts. *sigh* Of course, none of their choices make me fatter. My choice to put those things into my mouth- those things make me fatter.

I really can't eat cookies. Chocolate chip cookies turn me into an insane creature of gluttony. Sugar makes me crazy anyway, but there is something about the combination of crispy, gooey, and chocolate that makes me a complete nut. I will eat too many cookies, and that is a given. I just can't have them in the house, but it's kind of hard to tell other adults that. My husband thinks that I should just ask my sister to store those things in the basement if they want to have them. I'm alright if I don't know that they are there. I won't buy them myself. I also know that my husband will easily switch back to eating donuts on the sly, instead of bringing them home. It makes me kind of sad that anyone else would have to change their behaviors, just because I am struggling with the hand-to-mouth motion.

This week hasn't been real bad, and that's probably because it's only Tuesday. *laughs* My weight is holding steady, which I am very happy to know. I'm not completely blowing it. I put on a couple pounds, and then stopped. I don't know if that is because I am trying hard to be diligent with good eating during the day or not. Maybe. It's just about 3 hours at night that are rough for me. If I can just find a way to improve my behavior during that time, I should start losing again. I also need to start drinking water again. I have been terribly bad about getting my water in lately, and I'm sure that that has contributed quite a bit to my difficulties.

This afternoon, I'm sitting down to make out a menu plan for myself, and a grocery list. One of my problems is that I am running real low on my healthier food items. This is going to be a challenge for me, so I'm going to run with it and make it a real challenge. *laughs* I am challenging myself to something simple- just one week of clean eating.

Bored, But Still Kickin

2009-04-26T15:15:00.003-04:00

So, I was at the gym the other day. I finished 30 minutes of interval training on the treadmill, which has become my favorite thing. Basically, I alternate between a brisk walk and a sprint... and I do it until I feel like I want to toss my cookies. *chuckles* It's really not that bad. I just like to push myself, but I always keep an eye on my heart rate. I try to keep it between 150 and 160 when running sprints. That is at the high end of my range, but it feels good to work hard.

After running, I hit the weights and did a good, hard upper-body workout. My arms, shoulders, and back are feeling pretty darned good. I don't feel as bad about my arms because I at least have muscle in there, and it's not all floppy fat. I'm gaining enough definition that I feel there is something to be proud of, regardless of how many times my arm waves when I wave. Anyway, I wanted to get my heart rate back up, and the elliptical looked good. I had been flirting with it a little, about 10 minutes at a time. We have that kind of funny relationship.

Before I started exercising so much, I couldn't last more than 30-60 seconds on the elliptical. I would get searing, awful pain through my knees. I thought that it would always be off limits for me, because of that. However, I got bold and tried it again anyway, and I found that it didn't hurt anymore. This week though, I did too much. I wasn't used to the motion of the elliptical, and the repeated flexing of my foot was more than my body wanted to deal with. I was on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes, and in that time I seem to have earned myself a case of plantar fasciitis. *sigh* It's always something, isn't it?

Anyway, that really kicks the crap out of my cardio options. I don't have a pool, so I'm getting pretty bored with the bike. I've never been one to really dig on exercise bikes anyway. Maybe if I was in a real spinning class, I might like it. Pedaling by myself is mind-numbing though. I've thought that maybe rowing wouldn't be too hard on my sore foot, but I somehow slipped the chain off the flywheel on my ergometer. My husband needs to take a look at it for me, but he has been busy. So, I've been sitting more often than not, rolling my foot on a bottle full of ice water. It helps ease the pain, and I can walk. I don't know how long it will be before I can do anything strenuous on my feet though. Between babying the strained quad and now the hurt foot, I'm more than a little frustrated. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't just stick to moderate weight training for a while, and try harder to stay 100% "on plan" with my healthier eating.

My main goals for right now are to crank down on my diet and be more careful with what I eat, and to not lose muscle. I don't even care about losing more weight at the moment. I'll probably always be a little fat, because I don't care enough about being tiny in comparison to living a comfortable life. I'm not bothered by being slightly squishy. I just don't want to lose my muscle defintion and strength. We'll see what I can manage, and whether it makes me insane to try and be gentle with my body for a while. I'm thinking that 4 weeks is plenty enough rest for most things, though the plantar fasciitis can be a long-term pain in the foot. Hopefully I didn't damage the fascia too badly, and 4 weeks will be long enough that I can get normal range and useage out of my foot again.

I guess this means that I will be doing a lot of yoga. Maybe I can find some pilates too. I hear that lots of people like that stuff. I've never done it, but it might be fun. I also still have my weight training, which I love so much. I'll dial it back to about 3 days per week, and just focus on my food choices through May. I can kick off my first week of June with some good time in the pool, because I'm going to visit with my grandparents. They have a pool at their house, and I can swim for as long, and as often, as I desire. That will get me right on track for when I get back into the harder workouts when I get home. I'd love to jump back into 30 Day Shred. I guess I'll be back to Level 1 again, instead of Level 2. That's ok though. I'll cope. *laughs*

The "I feel into a box of cookies" Workout

2009-04-19T12:59:00.003-04:00

All I have to say is, "D'uh. Stupid." Really, what more is there to say? Don't keep the crap in the house, Squishy. It's hard, being that I'm the only person here who can't tolerate having the stuff around without gaining 100 pounds. Seriously, I'm eating a hard-boiled egg, and my husband is chowing down on pizza rolls. Sometimes it all just kind of sucks- but none of it sucks as much as knowing that I didn't make good decisions.

Anyway, I hurried and bolted a little something light to eat this morning- a yogurt and a cup of orange juice. I should have had something more substantial, but I was in a real hurry to get done with the gym in time to get home and take care of the squeakers. That said, this is what I managed to get done before I ran out of steam. I thought about doing more, but I found that I was hitting 150+ bpm for my heart rate, just trying to keep going.

Today's workout:

Treadmill:
5 min @ 2.5 mph warmup
15 min. @ 3.5 mph (maybe 20 min.? Accidentally cleared the info. D'oh.)
1.44 mi in 20 mins. 3.5/7.5 sprints 2/1 intvls (2 min. recovery, 1 min. sprint)

Bench Press: p3 x 20; p4 x 20; p5 x 10
Row: p3 x 10; p4 x 20; p5 x 10

Elliptical: 15 min. (HR 148-150 bpm steady)

Lat Press: p4 x 10; p5 x 20

Bench Press: p3 x 20

Upright bike: 5 mi. in 20 min.

Feeding Little Squirts

2009-04-18T12:25:00.003-04:00

I'm not focusing so much on feeding myself today. *grins* Instead, we had to make a run to the local pet store for supplies, because my husband came home with baby rock pigeons last night. He was told to get rid of the nest, because the building owners wanted to have a netting put up. My husband just doesn't kill animals like that though, so he tried to wait until nighttime and catch the whole family, thinking that maybe he could just move them. Pigeon parents aren't for sacrificing themselves for the sake of their littles though. *chuckles* He wasn't able to catch either adult, so he had to make do with saving the babies.

So, I guess I have little opportunity for eating out of boredom, since I have two new little mouths to feed. If you want to see our new little babies, I have a link for you. :o )

Needed A Boost

2009-04-16T09:29:00.006-04:00

Do you ever just have those days when you feel really fat again? I guess it is just a matter of adjusting. I started out feeling happy and enthusiastic by the changes in me, but as time goes by, I'm noticing that I'm being harder on myself. Instead of saying "Yay! You lost a pound!", I'm being negative and looking at the parts of me that I feel needs so much work still.

To making things clearer to myself, I went shuffling through the closet. I have a purple dress that I had bought at the thrift store, only to find out that it was so tight that I couldn't zip it up. I put it on today, and it zipped easily. It clung a little to my lower abdomen/hips, but that is to be expected. I am a very pear-shaped woman right now. Still, the dress zipped, and it didn't look half bad!

I put on my strapless bra, only to find out that it is too loose on it's tightest size. That's a little disappointing, just because I paid so much money for it at LB. With it on, I tried on a couple of dresses. I have the dress that I bought for my aunt's wedding, but was unable to wear. I was about 5 inches away from zipping it. Today, the strapless dress tries to slip off and hang at my waist. I put on the dress that I wore for my sister's wedding, the one that I had to alter just so I could wear it. I took the zipper out and put a lace-up back in, because I wasn't able to get my baby weight off before the wedding. Now, I couldn't wear the dress, even with it laced as tight as I can get it. That one was a little sad, because I think of all the photo opportunities with my husband that turned out as less than pleasant, due to my excess weight. I wanted so much to look beautiful next to him, and regardless of how kind anyone was- I didn't feel beautiful.

I'll show you some pictures, so you can see what kind of changes I've been through. This is hard to do, let me tell ya! It's the thing that panic attacks are made of, but I think that it's important. I tried to turn a blind eye toward how horribly sad I was, and how overweight I had become.

Now, here is a daring progress picture that I put together for myself, and labeled. This is what I looked like at the beginning of the "Biggest Loser Blog Edition" challenge.

Boy, looking at swimsuit pictures is hard! Now, I've only lost 11.5 lbs. since the beginning of the challenge. I was starting to feel real bad about that, because it feels like I should be doing so much more. I see the numbers that other people are putting up, and my small numbers don't seem to be adding up to much. I took a new picture today though, and it really struck me. Now I know what 11.5 lbs. looks like.

Pardon the goofy pose in the second picture, but I still haven't figured out where to put my arm when taking side shots. It's hard for me to get that straight-on shot. You see, when I look at myself, all I can see are my pudgy hips, squishy lower abdomen, dimples, and chubby thighs. That's not fair to me though. I have worked really hard. There is obviously a lot going on with my body, because even though my numbers are small, I can see a huge difference. Even though my legs are dimpled, I have a lot of muscle underneath that fat. My abs are in good shape, and hopefully it won't be too long before I can see them better. My hips are slimming down a little at a time, and that is wonderful. I still have a lot of work to do, but that isn't a good reason for being mean to myself and only focusing on the parts that I have a hard time looking at right now.

Quick Little Post

2009-04-14T23:12:00.004-04:00

I'm here! My weigh-in was this morning, and I came in at 192.5 , which is 2.5 lbs. down since last week's weigh-in. Yay for being down!

My quad is still tender, and I'm trying to baby it for a while. It really stinks to not be able to painlessly do something so simple as get up from a chair. I was able to walk today though, for a good 7.72 miles. It would have been nice to get up a an even 8 miles, but my leg was starting to get too sore. I didn't want to hurt myself.

My diet has been 110% for the past couple of days, which is probably a direct result from the things that I ate on Easter Sunday. *chuckles* I guess having a few cookies is a good motivator for eating veggie plates and Fiber One diligently. To help me rein things in a little bit, I've been eating more oatmeal. I eat 4-5 times per day, and I've been eating two "meals" of oatmeal the past couple of days. That has helped me get through the morning and early afternoon with my sanity intact. I find it interesting, how easily the oatmeal kills my desire to want to eat. *laughs* I do actually love oatmeal, but the double hit of oatmeal early in the day destroys any desire to eat with my eyes and work myself up to eating crap. I'm eating about 1,200 calories in a day, and I think that I'll keep my numbers there until I can do more strenuous exercise.

Alright, that's enough from me! Have a good night, friends!

Exercising with my husband might kill me...

2009-04-13T14:05:00.005-04:00

When will I ever learn that my husband just has more muscle than I do, and that I don't have to be as strong as he is? Hopefully I learn that some time before I break into a million little mushy pieces. *laughs*

As far as cardio goes, I can drag myself around pretty well. I've got an advantage there, so I don't feel like I'm being "left behind" in a workout. With the weights though, there is just a part of me that just will not accept that though we are the same basic size- he will likely always be stronger than me. It's funny, because I don't actually want to be a big burly woman who could break her husband in two. *giggles* I think that it is just my competitive nature that drives me to try and match his ability, regardless of the fact that I don't physically have the same potential for upper-body strength as he does, at least not without trying to defy my body chemistry.

Ok, so I've established that I cannot lift as much as he can- so why do I want to try? Why do I feel like I'm wimping out to decrease the weights? It's such a stupid thing. This weekend, I was just this side of complete muscle failure on the bench press. It's been so long since I've been pushed hard, I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to feel like every part of my body (practically my eyeballs) are pushing along with my arms. It was all nice and good until I was doing the lat presses, and then tried to get up from the bench. That darned quad jumped up and bit me- and I wasn't even exercising it!! That just makes me want to cuss a little bit. It ruined the time I had on the treadmill, because I can't take a full stride with my quad killin' me.

I'm surprised that I've been able to move around as well as I have been. My ribcage hurts. I don't feel like I've strained my back, but more like it is specifically my ribcage. I'm sure that was primarily from the lat press. It feels so good when I'm doing it, but it didn't feel so good after a night of sleep. My arms are tight, as is my chest. That feels good though. It's not pain, just tightness. This blasted quad injury though, it's making me angry. It was too painful to let my little girl sit on my leg so she could see the choir and dancers at our Easter service. That bummed me out. I let her sit there anyway, for as long as I could. Then I limped for a couple of hours.

I hate being injured.

It makes me angry.

That's probably silly of me, but I do bad things when I'm in pain. I tend to also do bad things when I can't exercise well, and I haven't figured out how to get good cardio without using my legs. By trying to do more upper-body, I've just stressed out my muscles that aren't used to quite so much attention. So, now I've got to try and do this thing called... rest.

I'm trying to rest all of me today. I had a little too much ham with my cauliflower and broccoli yesterday. I ate a small stuffed cabbage, which was a real treat. Then, I got a little stupid as the time wore on and I realized that I had very little to actually add to the conversations going on around me. I started playing with the kids, tickling the big ones and making silly noises and faces at the little ones. I refilled papa's coffee thermos and even tried to watch "Stomp The Yard". Really, who settles their disputes with a 'dance off'? When I ran out of things to say and children to pester, I started nibbling. I ate 2 oatmeal cookies, 1 piece of birthday cake, and 3 rice krispie treats. I also had one slice of cheddar cheese and a couple of triscuit things.

I guess that it wasn't all that bad, it just feels like it. I hate feeling like I'm not in complete control of myself. I guess if I'm being honest, my 'control freak' nature goes for dietary stuff and exercise. It is utterly stupid though to say to myself, "I'm angry that I can't exercise like I want to, so I'm going to eat a cookie because I want to and I can." It's counterproductive to my cause, and that little bit of control doesn't make me feel any better when it is slapping some fat right onto my squishy arse. When will I ever learn?

It is a hard lesson to learn- what to do when I come face to face with how NOT in control I am. Most of the time I own everything. I get the weight off by doing certain actions, whether it is the type of exercise that I most enjoy or eating healthy foods that I cling to. When any of that is out of my control, I start getting weird- and more than a little stupid. I certainly didn't do anything horrible over the weekend, nor anything that can't be undone with a couple days of diligence. So, I'm not going to beat myself up with my own foolishness. Still, it's a little frustrating to see just how far I am from being "there", that place where I can trust that making the right decision will be my first impulse.

Wicked Burn

2009-04-09T23:48:00.003-04:00

Oops. I knew a couple days ago that I had really worked my legs hard, and I should have been more careful with my stretches and massages. I know better. That is why I am a little frustrated now. I knew that I needed to be extra careful, but I only stretched the "normal" amount instead of baby-ing my quads. So, now I am in trouble.

Yesterday, I went down into a lunge, and there was the dreaded shot of pain and then the burn. You probably know that burn. It's the one that means that you'll be limping around for a week or two! lol My upper-thigh is sore now, but I've been putting ice on it. I've been very gently rubbing the soreness out, along with very gingerly stretching. If any movement is uncomfortable, I immediately stop it. I can still do the "Walk Away The Pounds" 2 mile video, because there isn't a bunch of jumping around, and no lunges. I have to be careful with the kick-backs, but the rest of the moves are alright. Other than that, so long as I start off slowly, I can build up to a pretty brisk walking pace with only the slightest twinge of discomfort.

All in all, I don't think that this is a bad pull. It is already beginning to feel a little bit better, though I'm certainly not going to test it out. I'm going to give my leg a rest through the weekend at least, before I even try a simple squat. Squats don't bother me so much because the weight is distributed between both legs evenly, but I don't even want to do that until I know that my right quad has had a chance to rest and heal. The easier I go on it right now, the sooner I can get back to arse-kicking workouts. In the meantime, I'm sticking to 2 hours of exercise each day, but I'm pretty limited in what I can do. Walking is really nice though! It has been absolutely wonderful to just soak in the sun and feel the wind on my face. That seems even more theraputic than the actual walking.

Oh, I was down another 1/2 lb. this morning, if the scale can be believed. *grins*